Dangerous...

I just found a link to a church blogspot. Neat idea, really. The pastor puts a post in about what he preached, or will preach on the next Sunday and invites comments. Apparently he's doing a series inspired by "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". He refers to the line where Lucy asks if the Lion is "quite safe?". The answer being "Of course he's not safe, but he's good". The pastor of course asks the question "is our God is too safe...is there room in our theology for God to be dangerous?"

The interesting this is that in the responses a guy writes that God is definately dangerous...and then proceeds to say that the moment he got saved, Satan stood up and took notice, and has been fighting him ever since. That as long as he wasn't "saved"...the devil left him alone, had no interest in him. A friend had told him the day he got saved that "Now the hard part begins"...every day for the rest of your life!!

How sad! The question asked is "Is God dangerous" and the answer is "Yes, the devil is dangerous". What happened to God?? Where did he go?

I hear this comment all the time. "The closer we get to Jesus, the harder the devil fights, the more interest he has in you"...the message being, "Well, if you want to get close to Jesus, you'd better be ready for a fight, it's a noble idea and all, but risky, do you think you're up to it??" I guess in this way of thinking God is dangerous...because he sits high up on a throne somewhere...tells you to "get up here, or else...", and has you run the gauntlet of near death danger and fear to get there, while he sits back and waits for you to mess up so he can squash you. Only the very strong survive. But it's not really Him that's dangerous...cause He's good.

I guess we missed the part where Jesus took our place, cleared the way, won the fight, defeated the enemy (I have a picture in my mind of a one man Ninja hero, fighting off hundreds of bad guys, while jumping over swinging things designed to kill you) so that I can walk clearly and boldly up to the throne.

PS. Ask a crack addict, or a glue sniffing child in the slums, or an idol worshiping native, or any other desparately lost soul, if the devil has no interest in him, if he has no plans to destroy them, to steal from them, and to kill them...or if he just "let's them be" until they dare to draw near to God. It's only when we attempt to draw near to God (apart from Christ) that we realize what a death grip the devil has (or had) on us. He had us bound up pretty good, but we only noticed it when we pulled. Lucky for me that Jesus came in and tied up the bad guy, and cut off my ropes, so I could walk away free...cause I was hooped.....

Fully man??

Whatif…I’m having trouble believing one of the most fundamental Christian principals known to the evangelical church culture? If someone (let’s say me) were to ask you which is more difficult to believe…that Jesus is fully God, or that He is fully human, what would your answer be? Think about that for a bit before you read on…

We’re studying a book called “Grace – the Power to Change” in our care group. It is proving to be a very powerful book. I’m reading it now for, I think, the fourth time, with the intention of teaching the concepts to the group. Something struck me this time through that I have been completely oblivious to in the previous reads.

The author presents his case chapter by chapter, each concept building on the foundation of the last. If you miss the foundational concepts, then it’s easy to veer off the track. He “backs up” the concepts with various scriptures, some of which he prints out (in King James) and some of which he just references.

My method of teaching is to print off these verses, and other verses that relate, some in context, some not, in versions a little easier to understand. I pass out the verses individually and we study them, and reference back to the book, which most have read before hand. Pretty basic teaching technique.

On week three the author said that I will never have a full understanding of the grace of God if I don’t believe that Jesus was fully human. NO PROBLEM. I’ve been taught that since I was two…fully God, fully human. Everyone knows that! I read it through the first time and didn’t even notice it, second time, third time…ya, ya, ya…, get on with the grace stuff. But this last time through, after pulling out all the verses and adding all the verses that say the same thing, praying that the Spirit would reveal the Truth, and then teaching it to the group…I was struck with this amazing revelation that I DO NOT fully believe this fundamental theology. It’s not that I think it is untrue, or that I don’t want to believe it, but that somewhere in my mind, way deep down, I still believe that Jesus had more access to the will and the power of God than I do, that he didn’t lay down ALL of his deity when he came to earth, but kept some of it to do miraculous things, and to know the will of God..., that he did not become in every way exactly like we are…that he was not FULLY man, because he had to have kept some God power. If he didn’t keep some God power, then how did he do all that stuff he did?? He said that he did nothing of his own accord…that it was his father working through him…that the father was in him and he in the father…and now us in him and him in us. It says EVERYWHERE in the Bible that we have full access to the Father…that we have the mind of Christ…that we have everything we need…that we do not lack any spiritual gift…that we’ve been given fullness in Christ…that we have access to miraculous power…that anyone who BELIEVES in him will do the things that he was doing, and even greater things. Because everything he ever did, he didn’t really do, because it was the Father doing it through him.

A few post back I wrote that TRUTH + FAITH = EXPERIENCE. The thing is…I know all of these things are true…they have to be…they are in the Word, but somehow, somewhere I don’t believe it. This really bugs me. I know that I can’t explain to you how huge this is to me…how pivotal…the ramifications of me not believing this. I know I don’t believe it ‘cause if I did, with everything in my being, I would be living the life of Christ. When was the last time you saw me speak to a storm and quiet it. When was the last time you saw me touch a blind man and have him see, speak to a cripple…love unconditionally, forgive completely, live sinlessly and selflessly, give of myself so completely that I don’t have time to eat, and my family thinks I’ve lost it. These are things I long to do, sort of…except I’m too selfish…and too faithless. Well…faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God…but how do you get rid of selfishness??

I know there are those who will tell me I expect too much…that we are only human after all…but that’s just the point…SO WAS JESUS only human, full of grace (the same grace I have) and truth. Do I believe this?? I’m scared to, to be perfectly honest.

Accountability people!!

Whatif... I'm horribly disappointed by the lack of accountability found in the pages of this here blog?? I specifically asked people to ask me if I got it clean...no one...not one solitary soul...asked me if I got it clean. You people can't be trusted. You completely robbed me of the ability to brag!!! Yes!!! I did get it clean...on the same day too...what do you have to say about that!! What's that I hear? Nothing?? Bordom?? Was that a yawn??

I fell asleep in front of the fire last night

Whatif I’m the worst housekeeper ever? This morning I woke up to…where shall I start?

• An overflowing garbage can in the bathroom.
• A box of miscellaneous wedding leftovers (not food, yuck! Just streamers, and raffia and stuff, sheesh…) I found in the trunk of my car the other day, in the hall.
• A dusty dining room table. (Nothing new there) and 3 jars of old smelly dead flowers from the wedding.
• A sink full of clean dishes, which prevents me from washing the counters full of dirty dishes amply spread about the entire counter along with unread magazines, cookbooks, bread crumbs, used tea bags, empty shopping bags. Also two overflowing garbage cans and several dishes on the floor that the cat licked out last night.
• A quick scan around the living room reveals 12 wilting plants, a half eaten bag of chips, more magazines, assorted cups and bowls, throw blankets on the floor and the ever present balls of fluffy cat hair in the corners…oh yeah…and dust.
• The front entry? The nonperishable groceries I bought yesterday, pulled halfway out of their bags (to make sure they were nonperishable). The “new” pair of jeans and couple of sweaters (half pulled out of their bags…we’re not sure why…) I got at “the Village”. Dust…balls of fluff. Oh yeah…and a pile of smelly chicken packing clothes that don’t dare set foot in the bedroom.
• My office desk has about 20 square inches of clear space, cleverly dispersed across the desk to create the illusion of productivity. Kerry’s desk? Same story, since it’s me that “cleans” it. An empty bag formerly full of cat food, an empty box. About a pound of sand, gravel, straw, cat hair, and chicken poo carefully mashed into my back door mat. Dirty winter boots, flip flops, fancy wedding shoes, sneakers (I would say running shoes…but none of us run…) a bag of new winter mitts (cause I can never find the ones we used last year…where do they go anyway? Maybe in the closet…shudder…). Some clippers for pruning trees…you never know when you’ll need those again…and an extension cord that the dog chewed through. A grocery bag full of tea light candles…from…the wedding!

Explain to me why I’m blogging?? Ask me if I got it cleaned up.

Opposition?

Whatif I ate something last night that I shouldn’t have, just before I went to bed and spent the whole night listening to my stomach roll around. Can I then spend the whole day in bed? Hmmm…I wish. When I spend the whole night wishing I could sleep I spend my time rolling random thoughts around in my brain as well, but they’re foggy thoughts, inconclusive, unresolved. It’s exhausting. It was a very unsatisfying night.

Some of the thoughts…when God says he opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble…what does the word “oppose” really mean? What does it look like? I know what the common thought is…that God is “up there” with a “big stick” waiting for us to screw up…and being proud makes us fair game for him to knock around. I’ve never really bought into this in a rational, thought through kind of way. The picture of a God who loved us enough to send his dearly loved son to die for us, holding a big stick and getting his jollies out of knocking us around is a bit of an oxymoron. I think I’m pretty clear on what it doesn’t mean…but what does it mean? My thoughts are inconclusive and foggy.

What about this…”when I pray I shouldn’t ask God to do stuff for me, but rather I should ask what I can do for him”…the idea being to take my focus off of myself and put it onto him….keeping myself so busy with God stuff that I forget (momentarily) about my stuff. Fill up my day doing good stuff, so I don’t have time to do bad stuff. Except it doesn’t really work (or does it?) Too often “what I can do for him” looks like me…quitting sinning…for him. For him? Really? Making bold proclamations like “from this day forward, I will never do ____ again, this is my gift to you God, for all you’ve done for me!”, and then falling flat on my face,….again. Is this just a clever “spiritual” way for us to push the problem out of view, to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, to shift the focus off of the fact that we’re broken, we’re helpless, we’re lost apart from the life of Christ?

The comment sounds spiritual enough, and a truly spiritual person could maybe see the truth in it, but somehow it just doesn’t sit well with me. It’s a diversion tactic, that takes my eyes off my absolute, continuous need for the life of Christ, the power of Christ, the promises of Christ, and sets them on strengthening the flesh, which is weak. It ignores the statement that “apart from me you can do nothing”. It builds up the flesh, the independence, the pride…”I need nothing from God…God needs something from me”,
God opposes the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. Can I get on my face before God and say “apart from you I can do nothing. I need everything from you,” or am I too proud?

Lefty??

My daughter decided she wants to learn sign language. She sat at a table with a wonderful 90% deaf woman, who is exceptional at lip reading, and thinks through math problems in sign language. You know, the kind of math that comes up in conversations. I can't think of an example now, but it happens... Anyway, she was cool, and it was fun to watch her signing away, even though we couldn't understand it. She does speak very clearly, so we got to know her that way.

Back to the point, I always say that the best way to really learn something is to try to teach it, so she found a web site...learned the alphabet, and proceeded to teach it to me. It's really fun. Some things I learned while trying to sign...I can play the piano for hours and notice only a slight tiredness in my wrists, same with typing...but signing?? Five minutes and my hand muscles were in serious danger of cramping up. They were still stiff an hour after my five minute lesson. Totally different muscles use I guess. The other thing I learned...about half way through my second lesson the next day...I was doing all the signing with my left hand. I'm completely and totally right handed. My husband says my left hand is only there for balance, and even then, it's not reliable. I can't even really play the piano with my left hand, mostly just octaves. So why am I signing with my left hand??? It's completely amazing to me. I tried it with my right hand, I can do that too, but my initial instict??? Left. Go figure.

Apparently I'm Gandalph (see Paula's blog)

Whatif I get started on a blog, and just write and write until I have a book? That would be cool, except, you'd probably get bored and quit reading. That'd be sad, except, I'm not really writing for you...I'm writing for me, so it wouldn't matter...and then I'd have a book. And that would be cool.

Anyway...some thoughts regarding belief and experience. A friend asked me what my beliefs were on a certain subject, and followed by asking what my experience was on the same subject. That got me wondering, should the two things be different...can they be different? We were communicating via e-mail, so I carefully formulated my answer. Tell me what you think.

Interesting thought. If my belief and my experience are not the same then something must be wrong. I have a new thing I've been saying lately, which may or may not be true. It goes like this. TRUTH + FAITH = EXPERIENCE. I believe that Jesus is the TRUTH. If what I believe is not quite the truth, then I will not experience what I believe to be true. Also, if the truth is the TRUTH but I don't quite believe it, then also, I will not experience that truth. If either of these two things are in error...I will not experience the true life of Christ. This seem right to me, but it may not be true...I'm learning.

Woohoo!!! I successfully posted a blog!! I got over the fear by typing it out in "Word" and then copy and pasting it! Such fun!

So…whatif people misunderstand what I’m trying to say….

I was talking with friends the other day and trying to explain this whole blogging thing to them. That you pour your heart out in a journal style entry and put it out there for the whole world to see, and invite comments back to either agree or disagree, or offer advice, or ask you questions. The one guy just couldn’t comprehend the desire to do this, to pour your heart out, first of all, then to let someone read it, and then comment??? It’s crazy! He thinks it's far too risky. To try to communicate with the written word, is what it came down to. That you couldn't hear the inflection of the voice and the expression on the face, you couldn't ask for clarification if you misunderstood something. It would be far too easy to misinterpret what was being written, too easy to offend, and all that stuff. Not to mention that it’s out there for all to see!

He was a toomanywhatifs kind of guy. Whatif they don’t agree with me? Whatif they don’t get my sense of humor? Whatif they don’t “get” me?? . I tend to write like I talk (with generous doses of tongue in cheek, sarcasm, and satire). Do people get that when I write? Do they think I'm entirely serious? If so, then I likely do offend. I hope that people "get" me, when they read. I hope you "get" me when you read. Whatif they don’t care? Whatif no one responds? Whatif it’s awkward when I see them next? Without realizing it, he totally gets the meaning of my blog name. He totally gets why I’ve had a blog for two weeks now, but have kept it a closely guarded secret.

It is risky….putting your heart out there is always risky, written word, spoken word, whatever. It’s risky. Whatif I’m the only person on the planet that thinks this way? Whatif I’m wrong about what I think? Whatif I’m too insecure to handle it……..