Opposition?

Whatif I ate something last night that I shouldn’t have, just before I went to bed and spent the whole night listening to my stomach roll around. Can I then spend the whole day in bed? Hmmm…I wish. When I spend the whole night wishing I could sleep I spend my time rolling random thoughts around in my brain as well, but they’re foggy thoughts, inconclusive, unresolved. It’s exhausting. It was a very unsatisfying night.

Some of the thoughts…when God says he opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble…what does the word “oppose” really mean? What does it look like? I know what the common thought is…that God is “up there” with a “big stick” waiting for us to screw up…and being proud makes us fair game for him to knock around. I’ve never really bought into this in a rational, thought through kind of way. The picture of a God who loved us enough to send his dearly loved son to die for us, holding a big stick and getting his jollies out of knocking us around is a bit of an oxymoron. I think I’m pretty clear on what it doesn’t mean…but what does it mean? My thoughts are inconclusive and foggy.

What about this…”when I pray I shouldn’t ask God to do stuff for me, but rather I should ask what I can do for him”…the idea being to take my focus off of myself and put it onto him….keeping myself so busy with God stuff that I forget (momentarily) about my stuff. Fill up my day doing good stuff, so I don’t have time to do bad stuff. Except it doesn’t really work (or does it?) Too often “what I can do for him” looks like me…quitting sinning…for him. For him? Really? Making bold proclamations like “from this day forward, I will never do ____ again, this is my gift to you God, for all you’ve done for me!”, and then falling flat on my face,….again. Is this just a clever “spiritual” way for us to push the problem out of view, to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, to shift the focus off of the fact that we’re broken, we’re helpless, we’re lost apart from the life of Christ?

The comment sounds spiritual enough, and a truly spiritual person could maybe see the truth in it, but somehow it just doesn’t sit well with me. It’s a diversion tactic, that takes my eyes off my absolute, continuous need for the life of Christ, the power of Christ, the promises of Christ, and sets them on strengthening the flesh, which is weak. It ignores the statement that “apart from me you can do nothing”. It builds up the flesh, the independence, the pride…”I need nothing from God…God needs something from me”,
God opposes the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. Can I get on my face before God and say “apart from you I can do nothing. I need everything from you,” or am I too proud?