Drivers wanted?

“you have been given everything you need for life and godliness through your knowledge of Him who called you…”

I think of it like this. There are “people who drive”, and there are “drivers”.

“People who drive” are only interested in performance when the car doesn’t start in the morning, or quits on the road, or starts making some awful clunking noise, or smokes an unreasonable amount. As long as the car gets them from point “a” to point “b” all is well. Some of these people are more concerned than others with the level of comfort this car affords…smooth, quiet, air-conditioned. Others are more concerned with the level of “flash”, cool paint, cool tires, cool lights, cool sound. Some people want their cars squeaky clean inside and out, others are content to drive in a veritable pig sty. Regardless of style, the main goal of driving for “people who drive” is to get from point “a” to point “b” in a safe and timely manner. Anything deemed to be “unsafe” or “untimely” is met with high levels of anxiety, dash clutching, stern words of caution. Often times “people who drive” don’t really care who’s doing the driving…as long as the goal is achieved.

“Drivers” are an entirely different breed. Performance is everything. Not performance of the car, but performance of the driver. Not that the vehicle necessarily needs to perform well, but that every last drop of the performance there is, is used to the ultimate of it’s potential. Comfort is irrelevant. “Flash” is irrelevant. The question is…can I take this vehicle to the absolute limits of its capabilities? Can I ever get to the point where I say “I need more car, the car is slowing me down, holding me back”, or can I squeeze more out of it? Getting from point “a” to point “b” is a chance to “make the most of every opportunity”, to hone the skills, to push the boundaries. No turn behind the wheel gets missed (unless there happens to be a “person who drives” in the seat beside him and he happens to notice, and care about, the signs of increased anxiety). “Drivers” study better drivers in an effort to learn to push the boundaries more effectively. Occasionally opportunities to “drive” are created even if there is no point ‘b’. A “Driver” is rarely OK with someone else behind the wheel.

For “drivers” the word safe has an entirely different meaning. Safe means not exceeding the boundaries of what the car will do. A “person who drives” has entirely no clue what the boundaries of the car are (nor do they care to know) and very often exceeds or very nearly exceeds the boundaries, with absolutely no awareness of their own peril. “Drivers” know the risks, and are willing to take them. Timely means, as fast as humanly possible.

The interesting thing is that a “person who drives” and a “driver” can drive the same car, to the same destination, and have an entirely different experience along the way. One will be content, the other will be exhilarated. Neither will fully understand the other. Both have achieved their goal.

Is the same true of the spiritual world?? For some the goal is “to lead a quiet and peaceful life”. For others the goal is to “eagerly desire the greater gifts”, to “make the most of every opportunity”, to “press on toward the goal”, to experience “life, and that more abundantly”, to be “full of the Spirit”. Are both equally satisfied??

We have been given everything we need for life and godliness… We have been given the very life of Christ.

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and we have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.

That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way…

…AND…

…God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms…

So, back to the cars. Every believer has been given the ultimate “indie” car. We’ve all been given “x” amount of laps to complete. Every car has the exact same potential. The question is, how will we drive?

figuring it out

Kudos to anyone who tries to write anything of value.

Very, very occasionally I consider writing a book. Hopefully to help collect my thoughts abit...get them down in some systematic fashion...an "if this, then....what?" type of book. But, oh my gosh, writing is soooooo time consuming. I've never been a journaler because once I start I can't stop...I end up with writers cramp in my hand, I fill pages and pages. Blogging is a bit better...A) it's on a keyboard, ergo less writers cramp. B) it's a thousand times easier to edit. C) You can save it unfinished and (hopefully) find it later when you have more time, but, oh my gosh, writing is sooooo time consuming. (Did I already say that?)

I'm too chicken to post anything that I'm still processing through, that I still don't quite have a handle on, anything unfinished, but it would probably be good if I did. Better to get feedback while you're still thinking it through than after you think you have it all figured out. Sometimes though, feedback is too confusing. I've often told God that I wish I had someone to learn from, to watch, to help me understand. He always says "You do...you have me, my Spirit, to take from what is mine and give it to you, to remind you of these things, to teach and instruct and correct" and I always say, "but I want someone tangible" and He always says "the help of man is worthless. Trust me, ask me, wait for me, follow me..." and I sigh and say "OK......" The thing is, He says such different things than anyone I know....

I keep praying that he would give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation that I may know him better. That the eyes of my heart would be enlightened that I would know the hope to which he has called me, the glorious riches of his inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for when I believe.

a thief in the night...

I glanced out the window this morning and in a instant...in less than a heartbeat...I said "really Jesus? Today??" My face smiled, my heart fluttered, my Spirit lifted, in a fraction of a second. What did I see out the window?? The light was funny in the clouds...I didn't even stop and stare, just kept on walking through the room. I was amazed at how quickly something so simple, so ordinary, could transform just about every aspect of my life. I hadn't been thinking about "the return of Christ", I'm certainly not here pining away, stoking off the days until he comes. Life is good! I'm not looking to get out of it. But clearly this expectation, this anticipation, this sense of "Whoohoo!! He's here!" is not buried very deep in the layers of my psychy...all it takes is an anusual looking cloud and the blink of an eye!

"like a thief in the night, like a runaway train,
like a first class, lightning fast hurricane,
I'll keep my ears to the ground
and my eyes to the sky...
I'm ready now
but somehow,
I know you'll take me by
surprise!"
(some song by some chick with a really cool voice and a pretty good band)

with regard to...

With regard to “I believe we are awkward and bumbling and uninformed”, not to mention sinful, prideful, selfish, and inconsistant; I have this to say. Too often we look at things we do not understand, and are not familiar with, with skeptisism and suspision. We look also at the person who presents these things, with skeptisism and suspision, and without fail, find these people to be less than perfect, often far from perfect. We then determine in our minds that, since the messenger is faulty…so too, is the message. We feel justified in our skeptisism and suspision, we gloat in our ability to correctly discern.

But have we correctly discerned?? Have we truly “tested everything, thrown out the bad, and held on to the good?” Have we brought the message before the Spirit of Truth and asked him what he thinks? Or have we thrown out the good with the bad. Is it true that a less than perfect messenger is unable to deliver a good, sound and true message?? I truly hope not. I hope I don’t have to be perfect before I can share the truth about Jesus. If I say 90 things that are true and 10 things that are not true, does that make the 90 things any less true?? What if it’s more like 50-50? What if I’m sailing along, doing pretty good, and then trip over something unforeseen? Does that invalidate everything I’ve done up to this point? Where’s the grace in that?

I think Paul knew what he was talking about when he said “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us”. If you hold my life up to the light…guaranteed you’ll find a cracked pot, but inside…there’s a treasure. Throw me out (or anyone else for that matter) if you want….but don’t throw the treasure out along with me.

things I think about...things i'm passionate about

There are things that I think about…that I’m passionate about, that I’m learning about, that I haven’t been writing about. As a result I feel like part of me is missing, like the real me is not really here. This harks back to a post I did in November called “belief and experience”, which was in response to a question I was asked about the charismatic gifts of the Spirit. I actually wrote it back then, but didn’t post it. I don’t really know why…well ya actually I do. I’ve written more stuff too, that I haven’t posted. I suppose that’s normal. Anyway, here’s a bit more of the real me. Ready or not….

“What I believe. I believe that the fully functioning BODY OF CHRIST will operate and be completely comfortable in all of the gifts of the Spirit, since all of the gifts are a reflection of Christ. I believe the gifts of the Spirit are just that...gifts... given by God, by grace, through faith, unearned, to people who may or may not know what to do with them, who may or may not abuse them. I believe they are all valuable, precious, and necessary. I believe we are awkward and bumbling and uninformed. I believe they were promised to his children a very long time ago.

I believe that a BODY OF CHRIST that does not operate and is not completely comfortable in all the gifts of the Spirit is missing something, no different than a physical body missing an eye or a leg or a half a lung. We can still move and breath and function and be happy, but there are some things that we are meant to be able to do that we simply can not do. We can still be Christ to people, but not the full revelation of Christ. We may have the truth, but not "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth". We may be of some help to some people, but not to the extent we could be.

I don't see OUR BODY as fully functioning. There are pieces missing. I love OUR BODY. It reflects the body of Christ much more accurately than other churches I've been involved with, but it is not complete. There is still much to learn. If TRUTH + FAITH = EXPERIENCE and we are not experiencing, then we need to learn the truth. Jesus is the truth, and the Spirit is the Spirit of truth and we need to learn of him. We also need faith, but faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God...so let’s hear it…let’s start asking questions.”

Don't you know??

Don’t you know I’ve always loved you?..and I always will…(Third Day lyrics)

So…whatif I kind of feel lost. Whatif…I feel …just….lonely. What if I’m surrounded by people I love, people that love me…(I know they do…), value me, are kind to me, help me, but still feel lonely. Whatif…all of that, all of these, all of this…doesn’t satisfy me. Whatif… I could be in a room full of 50 of my favorite people, laughing and talking, drinking coffee and eating chocolate…and still feel all alone?? Whatif…I feel sort of detached, disengaged, separated from my true self…

Whatif…at the same time…all I want is to be ALONE, like, completely alone…not just off in another room, but…like off in Karin’s cabin for a night or two, by myself? No phone, no TV, no people. Just writing this is setting off panic alarms. Whatif…the people I love are reading this…and now they’re asking questions. “What’s wrong with the whatif girl?” “Is the cheese sliding off?” “Are the relationships bad?” "Is everything not OK?" “Should we be scared??” I hear the feelings getting hurt. I see sadness entering the room. I hear apologies, for what doesn’t need apologies. I see concerned looks. I hear whispering behind closed doors. How do you put up a “Closed All Day” sign on your life…and not hurt anyone’s feelings? Or (worse?) feel like you’re the most selfish person in the entire world.? All of this makes me want to cry, but I think I’ve forgotten how to cry….

Whatif…all of this doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else? Whatif..it's "all about me"?? Is this the fruit of the “tyranny of self??” Part of me says yes, but most of me is starting to say no. What I’m starting to think is that this is “soul hunger”. This is my Savior, the lover of my soul, saying to my Spirit, “we’re never alone anymore…I really, really miss you…come away with me, my love…to a garden..., with soft green grass, warm breezes, hot sun, beautiful shade. Listen to the River of Life…, dip your feet in. Lay in my arms, feel the Breath of Life in your hair,…sleep if you want to…for as long as you’d like. No pressure…no deadlines…no talking…, just listening to Love without words…

Whatif...it's all about Him???

I've fallen into a trap. I've been putting all this pressure on myself that what I write in here should be interesting, well put together, funny, challenging, and enlightening... Also not too personal as far as relationships with family members. That's a big list of things. I can't measure up to all those things...especially the "interesting" part. Ergo....the blog silence...the incommunicado. It's not that I haven't been thinking, or even writing for that matter, but it's not coming together. There are truths i'm trying to grasp hold of for seemingly the hundredth time.

There's the tension between passion and apathy that apathy seems determined to win. Have you ever noticed how apathy just sucks the life right out of you...just drains you dry...till there's nothing left to give. Apathy seems to make "self" the centre. I don't care about anything or anyone because I have all I can do just meeting my own needs. Round and round and round we go, just feeding "self". Have you ever noticed that "self" is insatiable?? It's never happy...it always wants something more...more time, more money, more love, more appreciation, more attention, more pampering, more beauty, more sleep, more food....more, more, more...

Then there's the self condemnation, that says "why don't you care about anyone or anything??? why are you so selfish???" and then, quicker than I can think, says "well, it's not like you have anything to offer...what would you give anyone anyway??" and I go "yeah, I know, you're right....I've got nothing, I know nothing"

Then there's another voice that says "What about me???" I know this voice, it's the voice of Jesus, it's a very gentle voice, very affirming, very wonderful, "Don't you have me?? Haven't I always been here?? Am I 'nothing' ??? Didn't I say I'd be your life??? Didn't I say I'd love through you, speak through you, touch through you?? Have you forgotten about me?? Truth is, you have everything to offer a hurting and dying world. You have me." I love his voice. The other day he told me that I'd forgotten to let him live through me, that that's why i was so frustrated, why "self" and apathy were having their way with me, and I was like, "how could I forget this??? how could I forget you??' I don't know how a God so big, and so powerful can sit so quietly, waiting for my consent to act on my behalf, to intercede for me, so quietly that I forget he's there. But he does...he waits, and waits, and waits. Always the gentleman, never the bully, never the proud.. I love you, Jesus, thanks for waiting....

Please come...

...because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit, and with deep conviction. 1Thes. 1:5


But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses... Acts 1:8

it's been too long since we talked

Hey,
How've you been?? I've been busy...

New years day, one of our little dogs showed signs of being in heat. As yet we do not have a male dog to breed them with, so our back up plan was to use the male pet belonging to a friend of a friend. I had called the family a few months ago and sort of arranged it. So new years day I called again, thinking in a day or two they should bring him by leave him for a week (apparently girl dogs "catch" on only one or two days of an 8-10 day cycle). They were uncomfortable with that, being that they'd never met us, and he's like one of their children to them, so they asked if they could come by the same day! So they did. We had invitations to two other new years day celebrations, but, also a substantial investment in these crazy little dogs, so we figured we'd better not miss this opportunity. The male came, sniffed everywhere, pee'd everywhere, then sniffed again, but that was about it. No matter, it was only the first day! Then they took him back home. Next day, both dogs were showing signs, so we called them back to ask if, now that they'd met us, they'd be willing to leave him for the week. No, but they'd leave him overnight. Fair enough. So they brought him by Monday, I brought him back Tuesday. They brought him by Wednesday, i brought him back Thursday. Thursday they said that was enough. He was their pet, and their baby, and we'd had him long enough. The male never showed any interest in the girls, except to sniff and pee, the entire time we had him, and the girls were still crazy in heat. A little frustrating... To top it off, I am pretty convinced due to evidence I don't care to disclose, that our own border collie did his thing with them on Friday!! Aaaagh!!!

Add to that that Canada's junior hockey team kicked butt and won gold in the world hockey tournament. The games were only showed on satelite (which we don't have), so my sister invited us for supper for the semi-final, and the gold medal game nights.

Add to that that my washing machine quit on Christmas eve and I had to do laundry at my mom's on Tuesday, and also spend a day in Calgary trying to discern which would be the best possible boxing week bargain on a new washer/dryer set.

Add to that, my co-worker was moving to a different house and didn't come in to work Thursday, so I worked an extra 2 hours to cover for her.

And then it was Sunday again! I swear, one day I'm gonna wake up and be 90 years old...the weeks are going by so fast that if I blink I miss them! It's a good kind of busy, I like everything I do, and everyone I do things with, but busy none the less. It certainly beats being bored.