toomanywhatifs

Cluck, cluck

2010-06-05T00:40:00.005-06:00

Question: Does Jesus cluck his tongue and shake his head in dismay and disapproval when we seek him out to ask for a miracle? No, seriously... Does he?? Does he breathe a deep sigh of disappointment?

How does our 'precept,' our preconceived concept, our subconscious response, affect the way that we read and interpret scripture?

Recently, a group of my friends were looking at John 4 in the Bible. As a precursor to discussion, we viewed a clip in one of the "Gospel According to John" movies.

The story goes like this. Jesus had been travelling, town to town, with his disciples. He had been teaching, and he had been doing miracles. He had been 'being' Jesus. Everywhere you read about Jesus, he was teaching, and doing miracles. As a result of this, crowds were beginning to form when he was nearby. Word spread when he was on the way somewhere. We begin John 4 with Jesus on the move. As per usual, news preceded him, and a wealthy man heard he was on his way. This wealthy man, so happened to have a son that was near death from a fever. He had heard enough times that Jesus was a healer, so he went to meet Jesus on the road. We read later in the story, that it was more than a day's journey to meet up with him. He sought Jesus out specifically for a miracle. He made a very specific request that Jesus come with him to his home and heal his son.

Now here's where precepts come into play. Reading only this far, I would say that this man showed faith. He BELIEVED that Jesus was a healer. He BELIEVED that Jesus healed everyone that came to him. I am not saying that he had no doubt at all, but, if he had no faith at all, he would not have left his dying son's side. He would not have sought Jesus out. He had enough faith to 'risk' leaving his son to go find Jesus. His faith led to action. I would say that he had an accurate understanding (though not necessarily complete) of who Jesus was and what he was about. I would admire him, and love Jesus.

But, the next line of the story puzzles me. Jesus hears him out and then says "Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders you will never believe."

Sometimes I wish the Bible was written out more like a screenplay, where it described the expression on Jesus face when he said something, the tone of his voice, the posture, but it leaves much to the imagination. The actor, playing the role of Jesus, had a screenplay, where the writers told him that Jesus should 'tsk' and shake his head in dismay. He should breathe a deep sigh of disappointment before uttering these words. The statement is interpreted by the movie makers as a chastisement. Question is: Is that really the expression, the tone, the inflection Jesus used? Could there be another way to see this?

Eugene Peterson, in his book called 'the Message' also interprets it this way. In fact he takes it up a notch from there. NIV says 'you will never believe,' Eugene says 'you refuse to believe'. These are not parallel statements. The verse just previous to that is also interpreted in a harsh, tongue clucking way, while the NIV simply says that the people welcomed him because of the things they had seen in Jerusalem. What precept are Eugene and the writers of the screenplay using? Seemingly, the same precept that our discussion leader has.

This really upset me. I mean, really upset me! It made me angry! I am generally one who is slow to anger, but, I could hardly remain in my seat! I did so only because I wanted the discussion to play itself out, to see if it took a different turn, another approach eventually... but it never did. Days later I'm still angry.

I DO NOT SEE JESUS AS ONE WHO CLUCKS HIS TONGUE AND SHAKES HIS HEAD IN DISMAY! Why on earth would I be in love with a man who clucked his tongue, shook his head in dismay, sighed deep breaths of disappointment, and chastised me, when, with my daughter at deaths door, I reached out to him to save her?? IF this really IS how he responds, then I'm in trouble. I cannot understand this thinking! IF this really IS how he feels about us reaching out to him in a desperate time to do what we've seen him do countless times, with countless people, then WHY ON EARTH would he reward my despicable behaviour by healing my child?? For that is exactly what he did! He healed the child! OF COURSE HE DID! He healed EVERYONE that came to him!! This bit of good news was all but put aside! This is a story of TRIUMPH! Of HALLELUJAH's!! Of EVANGELISM! And he and ALL HIS family BELIEVED!! AMEN!!

But... alas... because of a precept, commonly held, this was not a story of triumph, but rather of shame, of a clucking tongue, a dismayed shaking of the head, a deep sigh of disappointment. I should be ashamed of asking... I should avoid asking... I should desire to see the big picture... the blessing in the suffering... I should bow my head, I should not come boldly, I should accept sickness, I should 'resign' myself to the 'will' of God. I should lower my expectations. My God is not a genie in a bottle, what was I thinking? Who do I think I am? I should have stayed home! A truly mature believer would never....

Now, I know that anger is not an appropriate response. I am struggling to come up with a better way to feel about this. In this moment I firmly believe that the screenplay writers, Eugene, and our group discussion leader, have misrepresented the true heart and nature of my God and Saviour Jesus Christ. Jesus came to earth to EXACTLY represent and demonstrate the heart of God. He did that by preaching AND by healing. He healed all the time. More times than could be documented should the whole sky be a scroll, and the ocean full of ink. God's heart IS to heal! God's heart IS for us to seek him out! God's heart IS for us to come boldly to his throne of grace! God's heart IS to respond to our faith! God's heart IS to PROVE himself faithful! God's heart is for us to LIVE and to live more abundantly!

a signature piece....

2010-04-16T22:44:00.004-06:00

"Men of Israel, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him,"

When we were looking at the previous story, a friend quoted the above verse from Acts 2:22, saying that the miracles, and wonders were like Jesus' signature. They were a means of recognition, that we would know it was Jesus, and that God was with him, when we saw his signature, his 'signs.'

My mind immediately jumped to another passage in Mark 16:17. "...and these 'signs' will accompany those who believe: In my name they will....drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well." These are Jesus words! After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and "the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it!"

I'm not sure if my friends mind jumped there, but mine sure did... Makes me say hmmm.....

Save the best for the last!

2010-04-13T23:23:00.003-06:00

A group of my friends and I were looking at the water into wine story in John 2 of the Bible recently, with the purpose of discovering, or rediscovering, what this event in history reveals about the person, the character, the nature of Jesus Christ. A few things stood out to me, once again pointing out to me the humility, the generosity, and the abundance of grace encompassed in the person of Jesus.

Jesus, his family, and many of his friends were guests at a wedding. They were enjoying the wedding feast when Jesus' mother became aware that the hosts had run out of wine. I don't know if you've ever hosted a big event, but, running out of stuff is really stressful! Mary was concerned for her hosts and, knowing Jesus had the ability to 'fix' things in ways that no one else could, asked him to please 'fix' this! He kind of scolds her for involving him in this, but she turns to the servants and says 'Do whatever he tells you' and leaves it at that. She seems confident that he will do something, despite his seeming reluctance, and she's right.

He sneaks off behind the scenes, where the servants are. He has them fill some jars with water, then tells them to pour out a glass and take it to the 'master of the banquet.' In the act of pouring, the water becomes wine. Not just any wine, but REALLY good wine! And, have you ever done the math on this? He made between two and three thousand cups of wine! Six jars times 20 (or 30) gallons times 16 cups in a gallon.... that's a lot of wine! He doesn't really do things half way, does he?

The 'master of the banquet' gets a taste of this amazing wine and is astounded.... Why would the groom save the best wine for the last? It was normal to put the best wine out first, and then, after there was a little buzz going, bring out the cheap stuff... The 'master of the banquet' didn't know Jesus was behind this. This is one of the things I noticed.... Only those who ALREADY had their eyes on Jesus knew that he had done this miracle. The 'master of the banquet' didn't know, most of the guests didn't know, the groom didn't know... That's interesting isn't it? Humble...

The 'master of the banquet' was so intrigued by this that he made a big show of it, to show the great generosity and moral character of the groom! He made no mention of Jesus. All credit went to the groom! And, I assume, the groom took the credit! He certainly didn't make a big scene about 'how did this happen??' 'It wasn't me....?' And, this is the second thing I noticed: Jesus let everyone thank the groom! Jesus flew under the radar. He didn't grandstand. He didn't MAKE SURE everyone knew who to thank. He didn't sulk or feel slighted, or wounded, or hurt, or angry, or jealous that someone else got the credit. He just went on with his day. Not seeking praise, or recognition, or a pat on the back...

The third thing: It didn't matter if you knew him or didn't, saw the miracle or didn't, thanked him or didn't, everybody got a really good glass of wine! Generous... Not leaving anyone out...

Is there a parallel here? Whether we know him or not, see the miracle or not, thank him or not, he poured out his blood.... Grace...

Tension

2010-04-05T14:06:00.003-06:00

In order to make a guitar sound good, the guitar strings must be tied on at both ends. A string that is only tied on at one end does not make music. In fact, it is tied firmly at both ends. It is important that it be firm at both ends. It doesn't matter how firm it is on one end, if the other end is loose it will not make a sound. Further, if a D string is meant to make a D sound, there is a precise measurement of exactly how tight it needs to be at both ends. Great care is taken to ensure the tension is correct. This precise tension is not optional, it is a requirement. No musician would argue this. If one musician said the string was tied on at this end, and another musician said the string was tied at the other end, they would not be in contradiction. They would be in agreement. The string is tied on at both ends, and that is good. The tension creates beauty.

Have you noticed, there is a great deal of tension in the Bible? I have heard it referred to as contradiction, but that is not the case. It is tension, required tension, for the purpose of making beautiful music. I'm so excited that I have discovered this! It is such a beautiful thing!

At the base of the guitar is a 'bridge.' This bridge is a fixed point at which the guitar strings are initially, firmly attached. On the other end is the headstock, where the strings are at first, loosely attached, then pulled to the correct tension. There is a fixed, and a variable. I wonder if it would be correct to think that the 'bridge' would be the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth. The constant. The security. The finished work. The things that are immovable.

The headstock would the variable, the part that needs to be tweaked, tuned, refined. The part that determines whether the music is beautiful, or just a hair off of tune...

In order to make beautiful music, both ends need to be tied on. It is God's will that none should perish, that all should come to know him, yet, only those who call on his name will be saved. Can't do without either one. Did he find me, or did I find him? Is it all predetermined, or do I have free will? The answer is yes, to both questions, and there is tension, beautiful tension. Does God love me? Yes! Do I need to be saved from his wrath? Yes! Tension... He loved me SO MUCH that he sent his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should NOT perish, but have everlasting life! Beautiful tension! Has he made incredible promises? Yes! Do I need faith to receive these promises? Yes! Has he given us everything we need for life and godliness? Yes! Through.... my knowledge of him who called me... Just tied on at one end...? No music... Tied on tight at both ends? Beautiful! Has the battle been won? Yes! Do I need to 'put on armour?' Yes! Do I have the 'mind of Christ?' Yes! Do I have to renew my mind? Take captive every thought to make it obedient? Yes!! Have I been sealed with the Spirit, a deposit guaranteeing my inheritance? Yes!! Do I need to 'live by' the Spirit? Fan into flame the gifts of the Spirit? Be filled with the Spirit? Keep in step with the Spirit? Be baptised in the Spirit? Be careful not to grieve the Spirit? Be careful not to quench the Spirit? Yes!! Tension! Tuning! Tweaking! Refining! Can't let go of either end! Must take great care to ensure the tension is correct! Beautiful music! FRUIT!! Life comes and rubs on the strings and there is beauty! There is harmony!

Can we learn to embrace this tension? To love it? To nurture it, rather than resist it?

You may have noticed that a guitar has more than one string. A skilled musician can make beautiful music with only one string, but he can make more beautiful music when all the strings are in tune. I may have Life with the one string, but I can have Life, and have it more abundantly when all the strings are in tune! I have often said that God is like a many faceted diamond, each facet as beautiful as the next. Can I also say that God is like a many stringed instrument? Having one string in tune is good, but having all the strings in tune is better?! Psalm 103 says to 'forget not ALL his benefits'. David knows there were multiple things accomplished by God on our behalf, multiple strings attached to the 'bridge.' He is reminding himself to see them all, to use them all! God is not a one stringed banjo! Praise the Lord, O my Soul!! Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ!

PS: I wonder if, when I find myself saying that I am hungry, or that I am longing for 'more', if what I'm really saying is that I'm a bit out of tune, the tension isn't right and I need a little help...

Just to be clear...

2010-03-23T21:39:00.001-06:00

I struggled with the last post, wondering whether to include the 6^th paragraph. I nearly went back after posting to delete it, particularly the line "I have sensed that there are those who feel that we don't need the 'power' of the Spirit, as long as we have good theology, good seed." The thing is that I don't know anyone that would actually say this, but I sense it just the same. I think it's a matter of definition, of preconceived ideas, of assumptions. I have yet to speak to anyone about the 'power' of the Spirit, that doesn't have his/her own idea of what they think I am talking about. Some people seem to understand and we talk easily. With others I am left puzzled, sometimes grieved at what they think I mean. I seem to be unable to communicate, to these, what I actually mean. I find myself trying to retract what I said in order to back up from what they think I mean. Can't say that I blame them for not understanding, as, I find myself unable to describe it to my own satisfaction, let alone anyone else's. A friend of mine often says, "I know what I'm saying, but I don't know what you're hearing." In this case, I'm not entirely sure that I even know what I'm saying...

potential

2010-03-23T09:08:00.004-06:00

A week ago Saturday I planted some seeds. I have hope for the future. While there is still snow on the ground, and icy winds blowing, I have faith that one day there will be an abundance of sunshine and warmth and hopefully rain! There will be growth, maturity, & beauty!

A week ago Sunday there was life! Tiny, tiny leaves pushing through the soil! I was amazed! OVERNIGHT! These crazy little seeds had been laying in a paper bag on a shelf for months, maybe even years. Many of them could easily have been mistaken for dust and tossed aside without any thought to the life they contained, to their immense potential! How does this happen? What changed? The seed, containing the life was met by, well, actually, immersed in water. That made all the difference! All the amazing potential of the seed lay dormant until empowered by the water!

The tiniest seed can contain the biggest tree, and yet, it can lay quiet, dormant for months... even years. It can be collected, carefully preserved, organized into categories, parcelled out, packaged up pretty, shared with a friend, or even sold.

The Word of God has been referred to as a seed. In it lies life! Enormous potential, promise, and hope! And yet, don't we find, we can collect it, preserve it, organize it into categories, parcel it out, package it up pretty, share it with a friend, even sometimes, sell it, and still see very little fruit? Or maybe, no fruit?

The Spirit of God has been referred to as a river... as water. Could it be that all the amazing potential of the Word lies dormant until it is met by, or rather, immersed in the Spirit?

Do we stockpile the Word and wonder why there's no life? No fruit? No beauty? Do we view the Spirit as a mystical force with no real purpose, or do we see him as the water of life that unlocks the potential of the seed? Do we see Him as 'optional'? For that matter, do we see either one as optional? As long as we have one... we're good? I have sensed that there are those who feel that we don't need the 'power' of the Spirit, as long as we have good theology, good seed. Is it any good to have one without the other? Do we have the Word... in dry paper bags?

There is one good thing about stockpiling! There is enormous potential!! If the water ever gets to it... there will be a big crop! Maybe... overnight!

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be my witnesses..."

subtleties

2009-10-07T08:19:00.003-06:00

There's a song we sing in church that has me thinking. One of the lines in the song: "Spread wide in the arms of Christ, is the love that covered sin." At first glance it seems good, but, our language is a subtle thing. Words are meant to convey things. Very sublte differences can change the meanings profoundly. Even a simple spelling mistake can entirely change the message being sent. What is the message sent in this one line of this one song? If someone who never knew anything at all about Christianity heard this one line, what would they learn? I think they would learn that love covered sin. So the question is: Did 'love' 'cover' sin? If 'love' 'covered' sin, then Jesus didn't need to die. God IS love! He loves each one of us perfectly, extravagently, abundantly! And yet..., Jesus did have to die..., because....

'Love' does not 'cover' sin. Blood does. The blood of a perfect sacrifice. The blood of Jesus.

I still like the song, but.... Poetically, it's beautiful. The message that Christ loves us, also beautiful. I've tried to poetically 'fix' it... but... "Dripping down the arms of Christ, is the blood that covers sin"... not quite as poetic, not quite a beautiful. But then, death is not beautiful. Blood is not beautiful.

If I was a commenter....

2009-10-05T10:56:00.002-06:00

I read the following article a few days ago. It made me so sad. These articles always allow for comments from the readers. I'm not sure if the readers comments will come through on this link (because I am new to linking!), but the comments made me even sadder than the article. There is such a sense of hopelessness in them. A desparate plea for the government to 'keep our loved ones alive' no matter the cost.

CBC News - Health - Ont. cancer drug plan almost cruel: watchdog

If I was a commenter on the CBC webnews, I would have said this: "Remember, a long time ago, this guy named Jesus?.... I wonder where is he today?" He healed everyone that came to him.

We desparately need to know "the hope to which he has called us, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparbably great power for us who believe."

We desparately need to start showing the world a better hope!

Where is He today? He's in me....

Watch this! I finally learned how to 'link'!!

2009-10-01T09:00:00.000-06:00

I thought about copy & pasting bits of this at a time, because it is long, but then... I learned how to 'link'! It's so exciting! And easy!! If you've been reading my blog at all, you know what you're in for if you choose to link over.

'Til Kingdom Come: Taking a look at Divine Healing

I'm still here...

2009-09-25T20:27:00.003-06:00

I read a few blogs from people I've never met, that I've linked to by some connection or another. There's one I keep going back to, as I find her full-on pursuit of God, her hunger for his kingdom to be so refreshing, so encouraging!! We have been on much the same journey, although under entirely different circumstances, in our understanding with regard to healing.

Today her post was just awesome! I wanted to cut and paste the whole thing onto here! And I may yet. Mostly she was quoting from a book she's reading. It was quite a long post, and at the end, she said "and, if you've read this far, then I feel I can trust you with...." and she layed out her heart, her conclusions, her suspicions, her "if this is true, then this changes everything." They so nearly echoed mine that I was blown away! She said that these conclusions were tearing apart her paradigm, and the same is true for me. I have shared my own thoughts on here only to a degree. I was amazed at her courage! I, personally, am afraid to share as honestly, as boldly as she did today.

the primary objective

2009-06-08T09:03:00.001-06:00

If I were to ask you, ‘What, do you suppose, was the primary objective of Jesus Christ in setting aside his majesty to be born of a virgin, in a stable, to live 30 some years confined to a human frame, to be betrayed at the hands of his own people, mocked, beaten, and crucified on a Roman cross?’ Would your answer be the same as mine?

If you had asked me that very question, only one week ago, my answer would have been different than it is today.

A week ago, I would have said that his primary objective, his reason for coming, the purpose of his dying on the cross, was to cleanse me from my sin. To save me, to wash me, to free me. If you had asked me why he would want to do these things, I would have said, ‘because he loves me and he wants a relationship with me’. (Not ONLY me, of course, but you as well... and everyone else that has ever breathed.)

I don’t know about you, but, when I ‘mental picture’ the word relationship, I picture two separate individuals interacting with one another. One standing here, and the other standing there. Bringing that picture into the spiritual realm, I ‘picture’ God, unable to look on sin, unable to stand in the same room as me because of my sin. I picture my need of cleansing. I hear the words that Jesus’ blood, shed on the cross, purifies me from all unrighteousness, and I receive that. I picture myself clothed in the pure white robe of Christ’s righteousness, so that in the end, God in all his holiness can look at me, and talk to me, and interact with me. I picture me here, and him there. Close now, intimate even, but separate. I see Jesus’ objective met. I see relationship. I see love.

This seems right to me. I could not argue the beauty of it. But, as of Monday, it seems incomplete. There is still something more! All this has occurred, and it is good, it is, in fact, wonderful, but it is not the PRIMARY objective, the ULTIMATE goal.

The answer I would give you today is better yet! (Though I haven’t got my head wrapped around it just yet!) The PRIMARY objective is the indwelling of the Holy Spirit! THIS was the goal! This is what it’s all about. This is WHY he died! To simply say that Jesus died on the cross to forgive my sins is not the whole story! Forgiveness is not the primary objective, but rather a necessary step toward the primary objective! The filling, the baptism, the empowering, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ, is the goal!

Jesus did a lot of teaching about the Spirit. He often said, ‘when the Spirit comes, he will this...’ or ‘he will that...’ He said it was BETTER for him to go, because if he didn’t go, then God could not send the Spirit, and that, apparently, was bad.... Sending the Spirit was the goal, the plan. Did you ever think about it, that Jesus could have remained on earth forever and ever in his human body, like we so often wish for, but he seemed to think it was better for the Spirit to come and indwell us? He also said to ‘WAIT’ until God sent the Spirit, before trying to do anything. It doesn’t sound optional when he puts it that way. It sounds like it’s important. Necessary. A step not to be missed! According to Andrew Murray it is the “crown and glory of Jesus work.”

When the apostles found a group of believers that had not been ‘baptised’ in the Spirit, they never said, ‘oh well, carry on... you’re doing fine... it’s optional!’ They immediately taught them about the Spirit, and layed hands on them, and without fail, they ‘received’ the Holy Spirit. Somehow, mysteriously, just knowing and believing in Jesus was not enough. It wasn’t complete. Being forgiven was not the ultimate goal. Being a follower was not the ultimate goal. Being indwelt was. John the Baptist said that he baptised with water, but Jesus would baptise with the Holy Spirit. John knew the plan. Paul taught that this was the ultimate mystery, “Christ in us, the hope of glory!” IN us.

I don’t know why this seems so revolutionary to me. I’ve always known, since I was a little girl, that Jesus ‘lived’ inside me. (As a little girl, I never questioned how one person could live inside of another. It wasn’t until later that I learned it was the Spirit of Jesus that lived inside me, which I suppose still sounds a little strange, but, at least this doesn`t break the laws of physics! ) I’ve been encouraged for years to allow the Holy Spirit to live through me. My pastor preaches it nearly every Sunday.

I think it’s the word ‘primary’ that has caught me off guard. I have not been taught this as if it was the primary objective, as if it was of ultimate importance, as if, knowing and experiencing this was more important than knowing that Jesus was born in a manger and David killed Goliath with a sling shot.

I wish you well...

2009-05-04T09:35:00.003-06:00

We’ve been praying, of late, for someone who is battling cancer. This is not someone I know well, but it is my understanding that this person does not know Jesus as Lord and Savior. Up until recently he would not acknowledge the existence of God. Up until recently, he did not acknowledge the value of prayer, obviously, because what value can one put on prayer to a ‘God’ who does not exist! And yet, people are praying and he knows it. He is beginning to feel differently about it.

Recently, a group of us were praying for him. Sometimes, I listen to the Holy Spirit while I’m praying. I believe prayer is a two way conversation. As in any relationship, there can’t just be one person who does all the talking and then checks out mentally when the other person is talking. That would not be a healthy, strong, productive relationship. So, sometimes, I listen as well as pray. Today I mostly listened.

While we were praying I had this strong sense that I should pray that this man would KNOW and be flooded with KNOWING that God LOVES him. If one is just beginning to open the door to the possibility that there may, indeed, be a God, then it would be good if he KNEW, without a doubt, that this God LOVES him!

So, I prayed quietly, in my Spirit, while others were also praying, and then went back to listening. As I waited, a verse popped into my head. “If one of you says to him “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?”

I knew in my spirit that these words were referring to healing. I had never thought of it in that sense before. The context of this verse is food and shelter. The context is, actually, an instruction for us to personally, physically, get involved in people’s lives. It’s about ‘intentions vs. actions.’ If our good intentions don’t turn into good actions, then, who do they help? What ‘good’ are the intentions? But today I ‘heard’ God say “this is who I am!”

I had one of those ‘Aha!’ moments.... THIS is God’s heart! "I am the God who meets your physical needs! This is how I love him.” God does not encounter a sick and needy person and say ‘Go, I wish you well’ and NOT meet his needs! Jesus never did this. God does not pat us on the back and say ‘Hey, I hope you know I love you!’ and NOT help us out of the mess we’re in! It is not his character to leave us in our mess! It is not his will to leave us sick, and weak!

God was speaking to me, teaching me, coaching me. In praying that this man would KNOW to the depths of his being that God LOVES him, I was believing that knowing God loves me is more important than God healing me. I keep putting things on a scale: this is more important than that, and that is more important than something else. I’m always doing this, but, God does not put things on a scale. When he saves us, he saves us completely, body, soul, and spirit. God does not say, “I wish you well, I hope you know I love you”, and not heal the heart, the soul, the spirit, and the body! He says, ‘When you get me, you get ALL of me! You get the whole deal!”

All the old revivalists I've read write like this. They never separate God into compartments. When they pray for the LOVE of God to be revealed, they are praying for all of these things: for healing, for deliverance, for freedom, for salvation, for sanctification, for repentance. ALL these things. They never expected one without the other. Their messages are so simple, and they are all inclusive!

If this verse reveals the heart and the nature and the character of God, then what if we turn the question to him? What 'good is it' if our God 'wished us well' and then did nothing about our physical needs? Or, if he convinced us that he 'wished us well,’ and then said 'go, fend for yourself, keep warm and well fed'? Have we separated the ‘love’ of God from the ‘provision’ of God, as if he gives one without the other? Is it OK to do so? Have we adopted the theology that God ‘wishes us well’, but ‘being warm and well fed’ is our responsibility? He saves our spirit for heaven, but the soul and the body part is up to us? Have we adopted the idea that God’s concern for our physical well being is a FAR distant third to our eternal destination and our obedience?

"It’s good enough, if you’ll just sit here beside me,” seems to be the thinking. And, maybe it is ‘good enough’. But is our God the God of ‘good enough’? Or, is he the God of ‘exceedingly and abundantly far above what we could ask or imagine?'

Have we bought the idea that God's 'intentions' are all that matter, even if they never translate into 'action'? What 'good' is that?

I know this raises a lot of questions. I don’t know the answer to a lot of them. Please take your questions to the Spirit of Truth and ask him to teach us his ways, for his name sake, and for the sake of the sick, the hurting, the lost, and the lonely. “May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships...” Franciscan Benediction

it's been a while

2009-04-16T20:25:00.002-06:00

I miss writing in here. It feels like a long time since I've written. A friend of mine recently posted photos of her 'cluttered' house and called it confessions of a bad housekeeper or something like that. It reminded me of some of my earliest posts, where I catalogued all the disaster zones in my home! I still have disaster zones, and I still have other things I 'should' be doing instead of laying in front of the TV.

The fact that I'm not writing much lately is NOT due to the fact that I'm not thinking about anything. My poor brain is overwhelmed with thoughts. Going round and round, over and under all the time. I've had the opportunity lately to share with my mini-church group, my thoughts about healing. It's been super fun! I feel like I come alive when I get to talk about this stuff with people who actually want to learn.

The Bible is SO full of this healing message and yet we've heard it so seldom. It's sad really. The problem I've been having lately, the reason that I've not been writing, is that these thoughts are so big, so involved, the tentacles of these truths so far reaching that I'm having trouble putting them into words. The struggle for me, because it is so involved, is to keep it simple. Because the gospel is simple. The gospel is Jesus did it all! Whoever believes receives. Whoever believes experiences! That is the truth, no matter which side of the diamond I'm looking at. It's not like 'eternal life' is easy, and 'abundant life' is hard. They are both the same. They are both the result of being 'in' Christ.

I'm sure there are some who would never say that eternal life is easy, but I can say it, because I totally, fully believe that Jesus paid the penalty for my sin. That his death was a substitute for mine, and because of his death, I can live! It's that simple! I don't do anything to receive eternal life except receive eternal life. 'Take' and 'say thank you' as my pastor would say!

Paul says in Colossians 2:6 "just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, so continue to live in him". Abundant life is meant to be every bit as simple as eternal life. When God says 'by his stripes we are healed', he meant that every bit as much as when he said that 'everyone who believes in him should not perish but have eternal life'. The only work involved is the work of believing and receiving. Taking and saying Thank you!

Physical healing has to be this simple as well. The gospel, the good news, is that simple, and physical healing is included in the gospel. We complicate it, like we complicate everything else. I'm sorry if I've contributed to the complicating. I've tried so hard to 'understand' it. I haven't been asked to understand it though, I've been asked to believe it.

and/or

2009-02-16T08:22:00.002-07:00

Grace & peace to you from God our Father 'and' the Lord Jesus Christ.

Funny how much weight there can be in the one little word: 'and'. The thought struck me one day that, while we say we believe that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are one, trinity, identically the same, it seems to me, that on another level, a deeper level, the one we truly believe and base our lives on, we believe them to be different. The disciples asked Jesus to 'just show us the Father and then we'll believe' and Jesus scolded them.... 'how do you not know that if you've seen me, you've SEEN the Father??' Paul says in Colossians that Jesus is the EXACT representation of God the Father. Jesus was crucified for saying that he and the Father are one, declaring himself to be equal with God.

But, somewhere deep at the core of our beings, even though we say we believe that 'God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son...' we still believe that Jesus 'feels' differently toward us than God does. That Jesus loves us, and God is angry, volatile, unpredictable, impatient, violent, and full of 'ill will' toward us. The proverbial 'big stick' God. The human mind is an amazing thing in the way it can hold to two opposite things with equal tenacity. We have been 'taught' that God is love. That is the Sunday school answer, and it is the TRUTH. But that is not really what we believe. What we really believe is that we should stay under cover where God's concerned, because if we come out in the open, he'll squash us like a bug. It's what he 'wants' to do, and it's best to just stay out of his way.

So, is it possible for Jesus to 'feel' differently, to 'think' differently, to 'love' differently, to 'desire' differently, to 'will' differently than his Father, than the one he is 'one' with, the one he is the 'exact representation' of? Are God and Jesus not in perfect unity? Does Jesus 'will' one thing, and God another? Are they in conflict with each other?

It is easy to see where this question comes from. After all, Jesus SAVED us from God's WRATH. So there's no question that wrath exists. So, how do we resolve this question? It would be extremely presumptuous to think we could 'resolve' the complexities of an infinitely wise God in our own human wisdom, but, I'm gonna take my best shot.

If we go right back to the 'beginning', the garden of Eden, it is very clear what the 'will' of God was. It was perfection. It was provision. It was peace. It was innocence. It was health. It was relationship. It was friendship. It was walking in the garden in the cool of the evening. It was face to face. It was love, absent of wrath. It was also... free will. It was important to God that we be able to choose. It was his 'will' that we be able to choose. It was NOT his will that we eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

This utopia, I believe, represents the exact 'will' of God. It is his 'will' that we are not hungry, or cold, or in any way 'without', to provide for us. It is his 'will' that we be at peace with each other, and more importantly with HIM. It is his will that we be innocent before him, free from accusation, without spot or wrinkle. It is his will that we are healthy, strong, vital, and full of life. It is his will that we have a relationship, a friendship, a relaxed, walking in the garden in the cool of the evening, a face to face relationship with him. It is his 'heart,' his 'desire', his 'nature', his 'character', his 'WILL' to love us!

If we look to heaven, we see all these same things. So, when Jesus says, 'This is how you should pray... ' '...thy WILL be done on earth, as it is in heaven...' this is what we're asking for! All of the above! This is God's WILL for us! Fabulous isn't it??

Another picture

2009-01-11T19:56:00.005-07:00

I’ve already shared a couple of the ‘pictures’ I’ve seen. Here`s another, seen years ago, but still very vivid in my mind.

I saw an outstretched hand, from the perspective as if it was my own, and it could have been, but really it was anybody’s hand, possibly everyone’s hand. It was being held out, away from and in front of the body, palm up. It was closed, not in a fist, but in a protective measure to cover what I didn’t notice right at first.

Across the palm of this hand was a deep, clean cut, as if from a knife. Blood dripping. There was deep pain, almost shock, and intense need. There was an awareness of the need for help, but alongside of it, stronger than it, was the need to protect, to keep it covered, unexposed to further harm. There was neither the 'fight' or the 'flight' response, but rather a frozen sort of helplessness.

I was keenly aware of another presence on the scene, though I never saw anyone else. I knew it to be God. He was near. Very near. All around, actually. Intense, focussed, keenly aware of the pain. To say he was willing to heal was beyond an understatement. He was longing to heal and quietly, calmly, passionately, working at convincing the owner of the hand to open the fingers to expose the wound. He was the definition of gentle, kind, patient, loving.

One touch of his finger across this cut would heal it perfectly, but to open the hand was too risky. To expose it...potentially, almost certainly, painful. There was a great deal of fear. I want to open the hand, need to open the hand, but..., there is a need for courage, a need for surrender.... Over and above this is the intense desire of God to bring healing, restoration, relief.

Intense would be an understatement.

success

2008-12-16T08:57:00.003-07:00

Last night my definition of success was altered a little. My definition of success has always had to do with results. If the result is good, then it was successful. If the result is bad, then it was a failure.

If, when I open my mouth about something, the response is all favorable, and people readily embrace what I have presented, then my presentation was successful. If however, after opening my mouth, I find that people are confused, upset, frustrated, and now have more questions than they did before I opened my mouth, then my presentation was a failure. I was unable to clearly communicate my position. If I were, then people would readily accept it, and all would be good.

I learned that I carry this definition into my relationship with God. If the 'result' of my behavior is good, then I say 'Thank you God, for living through me!' But if the 'result' is bad, then I beat myself up for being a failure.

What I learned last night, is that 'success' is not really meant to be based on results, but rather, on method. Did I operate out of my own strength (out of 'the flesh') or did I present myself to God and ask him to live through me by his Spirit?

If Jesus had lived by my definition of success, he would have viewed himself a failure. Because people did not readily accept what he said. People got confused, upset, frustrated and left with more questions than they came with. People wanted to (and eventually did) kill him for the things he said and did. And yet, God said, "This is my son in whom I am well pleased" because he did everything he saw the Father doing.

why not?

2008-12-15T13:08:00.003-07:00

I was recently asking about a relative of a friend of mine who was recently diagnosed with cancer. I asked how the family is doing, how they are handling the news, etc.

The response to the question was that they are doing fairly well. The attitude of the sick person instead of the common "Why me?", was "why NOT me? Why someone else, and NOT me?" The instant response of those around me was, 'well, what a good attitude...very good....why NOT me?"

The Spirit inside of me was crying out, practically screaming out "BECAUSE YOU ARE COVERED BY THE BLOOD OF JESUS!!!!! HIS BLOOD WAS SHED FOR YOU!!!! THAT'S WHY NOT!!!!" But my mouth remained firmly closed...

who, then?

2008-12-15T12:42:00.002-07:00

I am constantly in prayer asking God to fill me with a knowledge of His will regarding healing. Constantly asking him to show me if I'm wrong, if I'm speaking too boldly of things I do not know. The psalmist prayed 'teach me your ways, that I may walk in your Truth, for YOUR name's sake.' I pray this as well.

There are days, when I feel that I know nothing at all... when I want to know nothing... when having hope in the Truth of Christ the Healer is mocked and bombarded by every possible front. When arguments and physical circumstances set themselves up against the knowledge of Christ and ask me to choose between faith and the school of common thought, between faith and what appears to be 'reality'.

I am reminded of John 6:25-69, where Jesus was teaching about his flesh being real food and his blood being real drink, and how many of his own followers said 'This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?" , and many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. Jesus turned to 'the Twelve' and asked "Do you want to leave me too?" And Peter said "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

And that's how I feel... Like sometimes this is too hard a teaching... but then I think... To whom shall I go? What other hope is there? No one offers hope like Jesus Christ! No one offers wholeness like Jesus Christ! No one offers abundant life like Jesus Christ! So, whether I understand it or not, whether I represent it as well as someone else could or not, whether I get it 'right' every time, whether or not I see the results I long to see, I will not be ashamed of the GOSPEL (the GOOD NEWS) because it is the POWER of God for the SALVATION (the SOZO - the complete and total restoration of all things lost, the fulness of life, the healing, the saving, the rescuing, etc. etc.) to everyone who believes!

prayers

2008-12-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

There is no power on earth or in the heavenlies that is stronger than the blood of Jesus, shed for us. Not cancer, not demons, not addictions, not depression, not anything is stronger than the blood of Jesus. Speak about the blood of Jesus. In Christ, you are washed by the blood, covered by the blood, purified by the blood, protected by the blood! Proclaim it to the heavenlies.

There is no 'word' on earth or in the heavenlies that is stronger than the 'word' of God. The doctors may say there is no hope, but theirs is not the final word, nor the strongest word, God says 'by his stripes we are healed'!! Speak the word of God.

There's a song we sing in church that has this line...."It's all God's people saying Glory, Glory, Halleluja! He reigns! And all the powers of darkness tremble at what they've just heard, cause all the powers of darkness can't drown out a single word!" He Reigns by 'Newsboys'.

May God fill you and surround you with his Spirit and his Truth, may he fill you with Courage and Faith, Hope and Peace. May you have joy in His presence in the name of Jesus Christ our Saviour, our Redeemer, our Healer, and our Coming King!!

show me your ways, guide me in truth

2008-12-01T15:15:00.003-07:00

`` To you, O Lord, I lift my soul
In you, O God, I place my trust
Do not let me be put to shame
Nor let my enemies triumph over me

My hope is you
Show me your ways
Guide me in Truth
In all my days
My hope is you

I am, O Lord, filled with your love
You are, O God, my salvation
Guard my life and rescue me
My broken spirit shouts
My mended heart cries out

My hope is you
Show me your ways
Guide me in Truth
In all my days
My hope is you"

Third Day lyrics, & my prayer today...

Some trust in chariots, but we hope in the name of the Lord our God...

Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless....

Show me your ways!!
Guide me in Truth!
In all my days....
for your name's sake

is it really `random`?

2008-11-26T08:37:00.004-07:00

Psalm 103:1-5

Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits --

who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

All my sins, All my diseases.... By his stripes we ARE healed.

More thoughts about the 'finished' work of the cross of Jesus Christ in regard to healing; the link between grace for salvation, grace for redemption, and grace for healing. It is all one 'work'. It is all a finished 'work'. It is all a 'work' received by faith through revelation. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

We find it hard to pray with faith, when it seems to be that miraculous healings are so random, sometimes God heals, and sometimes he doesn't. But, I am beginning to believe that healing is not the only thing that can seem random. We preach salvation with absolute certainty. If we accept Jesus Christ as saviour, we are saved! Yet, we can preach to hundreds of people, hundreds of times, and still there will be some that will not be saved. Does this imply that, for that individual, God's will was not to save? Or does it imply that salvation is a gift, received by faith as a result of revelation? Is God's will to save in question? Is the gift of salvation 'random'? Or is our understanding of salvation the issue, the block?

The same questions can be asked of redemption. It is God's desire for us to be holy, as he is holy, to be free from sin, to be free of our addictions, our self-destructive patterns. It is God`s desire for us to live an abundant life! We preach this without question. We preach that the exchanged life, His righteous life, for my unrighteous life, life by the Spirit instead of life by the flesh is the source of this redemption. We preach that it is a finished work. Christ IN us! The hope of glory! We preach this to hundreds of people hundreds of times, and yet, there are still some who are desperately mired in sin. Does this imply that, for that individual, God's will is that he not have victory? Is God's will that he be redeemed in question? Is redemption, righteousness, holiness 'random'? Or are there truths that need to be applied, minds that need to be renewed, gifts that need to be received by faith as a result of revelation?

I'd like to continue the thought, saying that we preach healing with absolutely certainty, but sadly, we do not... The WORD teaches it with certainty, but there are precious few who preach this WORD with certainty. Even IF we preached the WORD with certainty, we could preach to hundreds of people, hundreds of times and still there will be some that are not healed. Does this imply..... you get the point....

Eph. 1:17-19

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the HOPE to which he has called you, the RICHES of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER FOR US WHO BELIEVE."

We desperately need a revelation of Christ the Healer! Our society needs to know Christ our Saviour, Christ our Redeemer, AND Christ our Healer! Please God, reveal yourself to us... Please God, open our eyes to the truth.... Please God give us the Spirit of wisdom and revelation...

an eye for an eye?

2008-10-17T21:14:00.002-06:00

The third time that blood is referred to in the Bible, it is the blood of Abel. Immediately after God warned Cain that sin was crouching at his door; longing to have him, and that he must master it, “Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.” You can read about this in Genesis 4.

A few things stand out about God in this passage. If the purpose of the Bible is to reveal the nature, the heart, and the character of God, then knowing the response of God to the first act of violence would go a long way toward that. I don’t know that, as a child in Sunday school, I was really being taught to KNOW God. From this story I learned that ‘this is what bad people do, and this is what good people do, now go and be good!’ This may not have been the intention of the Sunday school ‘program’, but, never-the-less, it was the result...

One thing I notice is that God is in a relationship with Cain. Cain is angry and jealous about the whole ‘offering’ situation, and God discusses it with him openly, seemingly in a face to face type conversation. He warns him. I find it interesting that, two for two now, he has warned people before hand of the danger of going their own way. Neither Adam & Eve, nor Cain, were left to just blindly figure out how to live. They were warned. And so are we.

The second thing I notice is that God gives Cain a chance to come clean. He doesn’t come out accusing. If Cain had had a repentant heart, he could have, then and there, come clean and confessed what he had done. Instead, he gives God sass. He doesn’t really try to hide, like his parents did. Nor does he throw blame on someone else. Cain is openly defiant to God. He tells God, basically, that it’s none of his business. How does God respond to this? Does he smite him? No, he doesn’t. He grieves... At least that’s how I see it. ‘What have you done? Can’t you hear? Your brother’s blood is crying out from the ground!’ The blood, the life, is precious! There is a deep sense of loss here. God is not casual, nor flippant about blood shed. It grieves him. He keeps count, he remembers.

Jesus refers to the blood of Abel when he’s telling off the Pharisees, saying, “And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar.” He’s keeping track. Three to four thousand years later, God has not forgotten the blood of Abel. From this I learn that human life is precious to God! In a world where there is an increasing willingness to throw away a life that is deemed by us to be undesirable, it is nice to know that God values us, that our lives are precious to him.

There is also, in this story, a need for justice. Our most common sense of justice, even though it is not practiced much, is the idea of ‘an eye for an eye’. In fact, it was God who wrote ‘an eye for an eye,’ who instructed this, in certain situations. However, I find it interesting that in this situation God does not demand an eye for an eye, a life for a life. He certainly could have... but he didn’t. How does that hold up to our concept of God? Does it fit?

There is, however, a consequence. Cain does not ‘get away’ with it. Cain is exiled from the land he called home. Adam & Eve were exiled from Eden, and Cain was exiled further. Adam had to work the land through ‘painful toil’ and the ‘sweat of his brow’ in order to eat. Cain’s punishment went further. ‘When you work the ground, it will no longer yield it’s crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.’

A restless wanderer... Doesn’t that seem familiar? Aren’t we all restless wanderers, looking for the meaning of life, the purpose, the rest. Don’t we all feel a little lost? Without hope? Without depth and security? We look for these things in so many places, in so many ways, not realizing that rather than looking for the meaning of life, we need to be looking for , and reconciled to, the SOURCE of life.

“Cain went out from the presence of God and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden.” Out from the presence of God... Do we know when we got lost? Why we got lost? It’s right here... God’s answer, God’s response, was not revenge. It was separation.

Abel & Cain

2008-09-28T22:08:00.004-06:00

The story about these two has always confused me. Sunday school stories are pretty good for laying out the facts, but the explanations? Granted, I’m just a little girl when I hear these stories, but twenty, er…thirty years later… an explanation of this story is still pretty hard to come by. Countless readings have given me little insight. The story goes like this…

Gen.4:2-7 "Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

Then the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

The only thing we know about these two, prior to this, is that they are the first and second born of Adam and Eve. I’ve always thought it was pretty unfair of God to be ‘pleased’ with one offering, and not ‘pleased’ with the other. I’ve always thought there wasn’t enough information in this story for me to ‘justify’ God’s behaviour here. As if I need to justify God’s behaviour!

This is the first recorded time in history that anyone made an ‘offering’ to God. It doesn’t say why they are bringing an offering… It’s likely that it was a thank offering, because it was the ‘first fruits’ of their labour. The book of Leviticus had not yet been written, where God explains in minute detail the requirements of the many and varied sacrifices. Did Cain know ahead of time that God preferred meat? I don’t know the answer to these questions. Based on what seems to be a face to face conversation between Cain and God, I’m willing to assume that Cain was not completely clueless. I’m willing to assume that this was not the first time God and Cain had spoken. And Cain sure got defensive and huffy in a hurry, maybe an indication of a guilty conscience? I don’t know…

One thing I do notice though. Here, as in the case of the fig leaves, the ‘fruits of the soil’ don’t cut it. The blood does. Two for two…

Andrew Murray says it well. "In light of later revelation, this testimony, given at the very beginning of human history, is of deep significance. It shows that there can be no approach to God, no fellowship with Him by faith , no enjoyment of his favor, apart from the blood."

a bit of a diversion from my usual style...

2008-09-28T18:27:00.008-06:00

Right from the Start….

Read/skim through the first 4 chapters of Genesis, or simply try to remember from your Sunday School days….

1. When was the first time, in the history of the earth, that blood was shed? Most people will say ‘when Cain killed Abel', but the real answer is found in Gen. 3:21 - "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them."

2. Why did He shed it? To clothe them… to cover their shame. Gen. 3:10 – "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." Hadn't they been naked the whole time??

3. Gen. 2:25 says, "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame." What happened between 2:25 and 3:10? Why were they ashamed? Why were they afraid? They sinned. They ate from the tree they were told not to eat from.

4. What was the big deal? What huge sin did they commit? Eating fruit? Why make such a big deal about it? In fact, if it was going to be such a HUGE deal, then, why make the tree in the first place? What can we learn about the character of God, just from the fact that He created the tree? (Gen. 2:8-17)

** This is one of the most profound things that I have learned in my entire life. If we answer the last question by saying that the motive, and thus, the character of God is to ‘control us,’ it would be illogical, because the best way to control someone is to give them no options… Don’t create the tree! If we say ‘to spoil our fun,’ then we are following the precise line of thought the devil used to deceive Eve. He ignored the Truth that there were, I don’t know…, probably thousands of trees they could (were allowed to) eat from, and only one that they were not allowed to eat from. It’s not like they were going hungry! But that’s what the devil accused God of… of holding out, of being a ‘spoiler of our fun!’ He uses the same tactic, the same accusation today!

Why then, did God create it? Because He VALUES my FREE WILL above all else! He knew before hand (and warned them about) all the trouble that lay ahead, all the heart ache, the bondage, the brokeness, but he gave us the RIGHT to choose! In creating the tree He created my RIGHT to CHOOSE! Every human born on planet earth has the RIGHT to choose how he/she will live, how we will respond to the situations we are in. God does not FORCE himself on anyone. I cannot explain how huge this is. God has been accused of so many horrible things, but I know him as the AUTHOR and DEFENDER of my RIGHT to CHOOSE! But, this is another story…

Back to the nudity… God asked them, "Who told you you were naked?" It’s a good question? Who did? Sin did… their own knowledge of good and evil, their own conscience…
5. What was the immediate result? Shame. And, fear of God. There had been no fear before that…God was their friend, their provider.

6. Was God any different after they sinned than He was before?

7. What was their response to their fear and their shame? Gen.3:7-8 "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realised they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden." They sewed fig leaves for a covering, but they still hid.

8. What do we do, say, at home, when we do something wrong? Do we ‘cover’ it up? Do we lay low for a while? Do we try to avoid the one to whom we will be accountable? Do we sew our own version of fig leaves?

9. Read Gen.3:9. Who makes the first move in reconciliation? God does. What does that tell you about His nature, His character, His motivations? What is important to Him here? What does He VALUE? Relationship, right?

10. Notice in Gen.3:12-13 that neither Adam, nor Eve took responsibility for their actions. Both of them said, ‘ya, I did it, but it wasn’t my fault…’ As far as I know, neither of them ever did…Do we ever full out acknowledge our sin before God? Or do me make excuses? Play the blame game?

11. Back to the blood. The first question I asked was; When was the first time that blood was shed? What is significant about this? What can we learn about the nature of God from this one little verse? That man’s attempts to ‘cover’ his own shame do not satisfy God. God himself ‘covered’ the sin, the shame, by the shedding of innocent blood. By the death of an animal. By a sacrifice. For "without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness" Heb.9:22 Right from the start! God VALUES the blood shed…

wholly surrendered

2008-09-07T20:19:00.004-06:00

At the cross you beckon me
Draw me gently to my knees
I am lost for words, I'm
lost in love
Sweetly broken
Wholly surrendered...

These are the words I sang this morning, beautifully arranged, beautifully sung, such a priveledge to worship, to sing for, one who loves me so completely, the one who went to the cross, who gave his life... I sing these words again and again as the song builds, and relaxes, and slowly the words of the song soak over me. They start to speak to me. It's easy some days just to sing along... but that's not really the point of 'worshipping'. The songs are meant to be prayers, real communication with a real God, who hears and knows the thoughts and intentions of my heart, and yet somehow loves to hear me put them into words. It's such a mystery. Usually, He speaks to me, more than I speak to him, which is crazy to think about... profound...that the God of the universe whispers, inaudible words, into my soul. Not just my soul, but everyone's, anyone's who will listen.

It's the 'Wholly surrendered' line that was getting to me today. He does beckon me, he does draw me gently to my knees, I am often lost for words, lost in love, I have been sweetly broken, many times. Sweetly broken is a paradox. A mystery that brings more and more freedom. Sweetly broken... but, wholly surrendered? Am I? Not very often...

Surrender is a moment by moment thing. Decision by decision. Priority by priority. If I am wholly surrendered, then my priorities are wholly surrendered to Gods. I wonder how many times this summer my priorities were perfectly in line with His.

"We surrender ourselves wholly to God in prayer and faith, so as not to think our own thoughts, and not to hold our own lives as a prize, but as possessing nothing save what He bestows. Then He reveals to us the glorious and blessed life which has been prepared for us by the blood." Andrew Murray.... again....

I dare you...

2008-07-22T12:37:00.002-06:00

Too much lately, it seems to me, there is a mood, a common school of thought, a teaching by attitude if not by word that ‘It is what it is because it is the will of God. Accept it and learn to see God in it.’ There is a resignation, a subjection, a surrender, a whatever will be will be, an ‘oh well’, or a ‘well,.. Amen’. On some levels this seems like wise counsel. Like truth. But, I wonder....

There is a pre-supposition here. That God is ‘in control’. This is a crazy statement that harks back to the previous post. Is God ‘in control’ in the sense that we understand that statement, or does ‘in control’ mean something completely different? God is certainly ABLE to control every situation. But is He, in fact, IN control of every situation? Is everything that happens to us something that God himself has orchestrated, planned out, and ‘willed’ for us? This is the pre-supposition of ‘it is what it is, ...etc.’ This is a dangerous teaching. Subtle... but dangerous. It has the appearance of wisdom...but....

I can tell you with absolute certainty that God is not always ‘in control’ of my life. God has ‘surrendered’ control to me. I can be as horrible, as mean, as manipulative, as hurtful, as selfish, as I want to be. He allows it, not because it is his will that I be awful, but because it is his will that I be free to choose. This is true of every human on planet earth.

In Genesis, God gave ‘dominion’ over the earth to mankind. What does ‘dominion’ mean? Ownership? Control? Authority?? God ‘surrendered’ control, again, to me. I, in turn, surrendered it to the serpent... It is rightfully mine because God gave it to me, but I, in my foolishness, surrendered it to the serpent. So, who has ‘control’ now? (These are big questions, I know...) When I repented of my foolishness, I got ‘control’ back, and I choose now, on a moment by moment basis if I will a.) remain ‘in control,’ b.) surrender my control back to the serpent, or, c.) best option... give it back to God. When I give it back to God, I can rightfully take it back at any moment. It is mine to do with what I please. He does not hold on to it. I believe that only when I give ‘control’ back to God, is He actually, truly ‘in control’, and this may only be for an instant. This is true of every human on the planet.

Could it be that a situation ‘is what it is’ because I have made poor choices; because I have either remained ‘in control’ or surrendered control to the serpent, perhaps for most of my life?? Could it be ‘what it is’ because someone else is exercising their right to be awful, not because it is God’s will they be awful, but because it is God’s will they be free to choose? Many, many things that happen are NOT the will of God. The statement ‘it is what it is because it IS the will of God’ could possibly be true at some level... but it is not the TRUTH, the whole TRUTH, and nothing but the TRUTH! Be careful little ears what you hear!!

I would dare to say that very little of what we are currently experiencing is actually the ‘will’ of God. What God wills for us is ALWAYS better. ALWAYS better!

Dare to HOPE for something better! Dare to know that what God ‘wills’ for you is better than what you have now! Dare to know that God’s will is ‘good, perfect, and pleasing’! That God’s plan is to prosper you, and not to harm you, to give you HOPE and a FUTURE!!

Be careful who’s ‘will’ you surrender to...

THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE on earth as it is in heaven. Let it be so!

rebels

2008-07-22T10:04:00.004-06:00

If.... God 'tells every lightning bolt where it should go', and he does, then.... Why did Jesus rebuke the waves? Was nature itself acting in disobedience to God? One doesn't rebuke someone when they are doing what they're meant to be doing...

This question opens up far toomanyquestions for me... Rebuking waves is just too far out of the box! The idea that nature itself could rebel against God is a strange thought to think about. It has a duality. Either He is in control, or He is not... which is it? He is obviously able to control, or the rebuke would have been futile. The waves obeyed! So weird...

Are we meant, always, to just accept things as they are, because they are 'natural'? Do we have to accept something just because it can be explained 'naturally', 'scientifically'? Can something that is 'natural' and 'scientific' be completely outside the will of God?? Worthy of 'rebuke'??

And why did he curse the poor little fig tree?? So many questions...

the blood?

2008-06-10T21:35:00.004-06:00

``The blood that availed so powerfully in heaven and over hell, IS ALL-POWERFUL ALSO IN A SINNER'S HEART. It is impossible for us to think too highly, or to expect too much, from the power of Jesus' blood.

How DOES THIS Power WORK? In what conditions, under what circumstances, can that power secure, unhindered, in us, the mighty results it is intended to produce? The first answer is, just as it is everywhere in the kingdom of God, that IT IS THROUGH FAITH.

But faith is largely dependent on knowledge. If knowledge of what the blood can accomplish is imperfect, faith expects little, and the more powerful effects of the blood are impossible. Many Christians think that if now, through faith in the blood, they have received the assurance of the pardon of their sins, they have a sufficient knowledge of its effects.

They have no idea that the words of God, like God Himself, are inexhaustible, that they have a wealth of meaning and blessing that surpasses all understanding.

They do not remember that when the Holy Spirit speaks of cleansing through the blood, such words are only the imperfect human expressions of the effects and experiences by which the blood, in an unspeakably glorious manner, will reveal its heavenly life-giving power to the soul.
Feeble conceptions of its power prevent the deeper, and more perfect manifestations of its effects.

As we seek to find out what the Scripture teaches about the blood, we shall see, that faith in the blood, even as we now understand it, can produce in us greater results than we have yet known, and in future, a ceaseless blessing may be ours.

Our faith may be strengthened by noticing what the blood has already accomplished. Heaven and hell bear witness to that. Faith will grow by exercising confidence in the fathomless fulness of the promises of God. Let us heartily expect that as we enter more deeply into the fountain, its cleansing, quickening, lifegiving power, will be revealed more blessedly.

We know that in bathing we enter into the most intimate relationship with the water, giving ourselves up to its cleansing effects. The blood of Jesus is described as a "fountain opened for sin and uncleanness" (Zech. 8:1). By the power of the Holy Spirit it streams through the heavenly Temple. By faith I place myself in closest touch with this heavenly stream, I yield myself to it, I let it cover me, and go through me. I bathe in the fountain. It cannot withhold its cleansing and strengthening power. I must in simple faith turn away from what is seen, to plunge into that spiritual fountain, which represents the Saviour's blood, with the assurance that it will manifest its blessed power in me.

So let us with childlike, persevering, expectant faith, open our souls to an ever increasing experience of the wonderful power of the blood."

I stumbled on this website the other day. I've always heard that Andrew Murray was a good read... Now I know why...

Check out this web site if this whets your appetite at all...

http://www.worldinvisible.com/library/murray/5f00.0572/5f00.0572.02.htm

Picture #2 - The GIFT

2008-06-03T09:22:00.003-06:00

It was an ordinary day. I don’t remember anything stand-out-ish about it. I was a stay at home mom, staying at home. Cleaning house, raising kids. I was walking through the dining room, probably with a handful of toys to put back in the play room and I saw my second ‘picture’. It was just a flash, again, just a micro second. I stopped in my tracks and looked back to see if what I had seen was ‘real.’ It wasn’t, but, like all pictures… it was worth a thousand words. There was a setting, an ambience, an emotion, action, and, of course, a message.

It was a birthday party, mine. There were lots of people around, although I never saw any of them. I was busy…hosting, I guess, giving attention to the many guests. I was comfortable emotionally, content, happy, in my element. A moment ago, someone special had quietly given me a gift. Everyone noticed the gift, there was a hushed moment, a reverence, and then everything went on, as per usual. I had smiled and said thank you, you’re so kind…all the usual things, and set the gift aside. I was very honoured to have received this gift. Very grateful. It was pleasantly wrapped with a lovely big bow on the top. The gift on the table was the only thing I actually ‘saw’ in this picture, everything else about it was just ‘understood’. It was just the story surrounding the picture.

You know that you don’t rip a gift open while your guests are still arriving, usually there is a gift table or something, and you open them all together, once everyone is settled. It was not a ‘set aside’, as in, who cares, but rather as in, politeness, waiting for the right moment. The gift giver understood and waited patiently. There were no other gifts, just this one. Everyone was very glad I had been given this gift, I should be so grateful! And I was! Very grateful.

I don’t know how a single picture can have time attached to it, but this one did. There was a ‘before’ and a ‘during’, and an ‘after.’ As time went on it started to feel as if maybe I should open the gift. I could sense that the giver was eager, that he was excited about it, encouraging, but very polite, never one to push, quietly waiting. I stole a glance at it on the table. Instantly, there was tension in the room. It seems everyone had noticed that I was thinking of opening it. Apparently, and I understood it immediately, it was entirely ‘taboo’ to open the gift! It was enough to HAVE the gift. It was an incredibly valuable gift, treated with the utmost respect. Everyone knew what the gift was, including me, but you DID NOT touch it, except to carry it from room to room with you, I should rather say, you did not OPEN it! That would be so rude, so presumptuous. It was such a beautiful gift, so valuable, did I not understand the COST of this gift? How could I possible ask for ‘MORE?’ I was made to feel that, to open, or even to want to open, the gift proved my ingratitude, my disrespect. I was made to feel guilty for even thinking about it. The love in the room was replaced by judgement, and maybe...fear...that I would do something horribly inappropriate.

I could sense the giver grow a little restless, puzzled, anxious, disappointed (?). I could sense him wondering when?…, why? Is she going to open it? He seemed unaware of the other people in the room, only me, unaware of the tension, only the hesitation, but, being ever the gentleman, he said nothing. He waited. I couldn’t look at him. The joy was gone, replaced by confusion, a sense of loss…
That was it. That’s where it ended, except…

A moment later, there was another picture, some ‘time’ after the first. All the people were gone. It was just me, and the gift, ribbon pooled on the table, paper torn, box folded open, and an unknown number (but lots…) of smaller, beautifully wrapped gifts. Each one was tied to the next with a ribbon, so that, as you pulled one out of the box, the next one followed. I hadn’t opened any of the smaller ones yet, but the smile was back, the peace was back, the sense of wonder, awe, anticipation, and now, curiosity. I had thought I had known what was in the box. The gift was called Eternal Life, the giver, Jesus Christ. And inside this gift… so many other gifts!

we, the church

2008-05-27T21:33:00.004-06:00

As I was writing the last post, a question arose... One that has risen many times before.

We have been called, as a church, to "...preach this message: "The kingdom of heaven is near." Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give."

Who is meant to preach?? Is there any question who is meant to preach?? 'We' are meant to preach. Are we to ask Jesus to preach? Are we to pray that Jesus would preach, plead with him to preach, present a case about how this so & so, this seeker, deserves to be preached to? Promise to give him 'all the glory' if he would but preach to us just this one time...?? Preach through us? Yes, but, we cannot keep our mouths firmly clamped shut. We must actually open our mouths and preach, to our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers, our children, whatever other sphere of influence we've been entrusted with. Not preaching, as in, a half hour neatly crafted 3 point sermon, unless that's what we've been called to, but preaching, none the less, in sharing a different point of view, a different sort of hope, a kind word, a building up, a gentleness, a different quality of life, as in real life, as in Christ's life in us, through us. There is no question WHO is meant to DO the preaching. WE are.

Who is meant to heal the sick?? to raise the dead?? to cleanse those who have leprosy?? to drive out demons?? Who did Jesus call to do this?? He called US. He called us to DO this. Not to ask him to do it. Not to beg him, not to plead with him, not to bargain with him, but to DO it.

Check through the examples of scripture. Jesus did not pray to God and ask him to heal the sick. He healed the sick, directly, one to one. And the people gave glory to God. The 12 disciples did not pray to God and ask him to heal the sick. They healed the sick. Jesus had given them authority to do this. The seventy two? the apostles? A policeman does not run and get the judge to aprehend a thief. He aprehends the thief. He has been given authority to do so. Jesus commended the centurion who had an understanding of authority. He called it 'great faith'!

Jesus has given US authority.... What on earth does it look like, for US to heal the sick?? to cast out demons?? The disciples came back 'amazed'!! It must have looked extrodinary! I wonder if they were scared the first couple of times?? Maybe every time?? I wonder if they struggled with the 'who do you think you are?' accusations?

How many people did they set free? How many lives were changed?? How many lives would change if we, the church, understood this stuff? If we took it seriously?? Whatif... I....

an inappropriate response

2008-05-07T19:42:00.003-06:00

I’ve been in a bit of a weird place lately. It seems I go through seasons. I’ve said that I have this ‘huge’ hunger to learn, but that is only true some of the time. I also go through seasons of apathy, seasons of frustration, even anger. I REALLY hate conflict. I’m learning that, when I get angry about something, I don’t like that feeling, so I channel it into apathy. I think it’s a form of passive aggression? Apathy, however, is boring, and that produces frustration. I’ve found, of late, that I’ve been a bit angry at God. (Arrogant, I know…. being that God is perfect, my anger is pretty much always misguided and unwarranted.) Anger seems like too strong a term, but there doesn’t seem to be a better one, and maybe it seems too strong because I am so adept at channelling it into apathy, which seems less aggressive, safer, more ‘proper.’ How’s that for self-psycho-analysis?

The question is, what have I been angry ABOUT?? That’s the hard part. I can’t really figure that out. It’s complex, a combination of toomanythings. All of the answers seem stupid, but here’s my best shot.

I’m angry about being such a slow learner, which I can cleverly blame on Him, after all, He created me, didn’t He? He’s the teacher, I’m the pupil, why am I not learning?? Is it semester break, or what?? And then I pretend I don’t care, which, in itself, is ridiculous… It is only Christ in me that cares at all about anything unselfish in the first place… of myself, I am purely and only selfish…so to ‘pretend’ I don’t care is just me stamping my foot and saying ‘I’m gonna live in the flesh for a while, what’re you gonna do about it??’

This anger is fairly easy to reconcile compared to the next one. It is equally arrogant and misguided. It has to do with my beliefs about healing. The problem with my beliefs is that I really believe them! (That’s clever isn’t it!?) I really believe that the healing of ‘all our diseases’ was bought and paid for by the blood, more specifically, the ‘stripes’ of Jesus Christ. I believe that it is ALWAYS God’s will to heal. I believe that this conclusion is STRONGLY supported in the Bible, and the only argument against it is experiential, not Biblical. I believe that He loves us more than I loves us. I believe that He wants to redeem mankind more than I want to. Why, then….doesn’t he DO it??? Why doesn’t He heal us when we ask Him to?? My ‘anger’ comes from my perception that God is not holding up His end of the bargain. He is not doing what he said he would do! (There won’t be a lightning strike… He knows I’ve been feeling this. He’s known it for longer than I have…)

I feel overwhelmed, at times, by the magnitude of sickness and disease in this world. There is hardly a life untouched by it, well, there isn’t a life untouched by it! I am overwhelmed by the far reaching effects of it, how many people suffer from one persons illness, and for how long, and the lengths to which we will go to be relieved of it. Some days it truly breaks my heart. These, I believe, are the days that Christ rules in my heart. This, I believe, is the heart of Christ, the love, the compassion of Christ.

I haven’t been reading my Bible very much lately, but I did the other day. This is what I read.

Matthew 9:35- 38 " Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every…" (did you get that?? EVERY…) "…disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had COMPASSION on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

I think he was overwhelmed… This is what struck me when I read this. I was surparised by it. It doesn’t fit inside ‘the box.’ I think he was overwhelmed! Please remember that when Jesus came to this earth, he set aside his divinity and became fully human. He could not, at that time, be in all places at once, as he had been before he came to earth. And he saw the magnitude of our helplessness. He experienced it. He knew personally, people who were grieving, who were suffering. Crowds waited outside his door, huge numbers of people. And he knew that in every town along the way the story would be the same. He wept sometimes…maybe lots of times. I think he was overwhelmed. His solution?? Send out workers!

Matthew 10:1, the very next verse…" He called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out evil spirits and to heal every…" (again… EVERY) "…disease and sickness." Verse 6: "Go to the lost sheep of Isreal. As you go, preach this message: "The kingdom of heaven is near." Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give." Verse 25…"It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master."

When Christ rules in my heart, I am compassionate, I long for healing, I weep with those who weep, I am overwhelmed, but this is not the easy road. This is the road of self-sacrifice. Apathy is easier…it is the path of least resistance, …it is selfish, self centred, …it lays blame, … and it’s …. BORING, and FRUSTRATING, strangely LONELY.

Oh, to be like Thee…

As for the pictures...

2008-05-02T23:11:00.002-06:00

I said in an earlier post that God had begun to speak to me in pictures. There is an old saying that a picture is worth a thousand words. In my attempts to describe these pictures, I have found this to be true. They are very difficult to describe, but, I will try. These pictures have shaped who I am, who I believe God to be, how I perceive the world.

If you read my last post you will remember the day that God ‘held me’ in his lap, the day that changed me forever, the day I first LOVED God. Everything changed for me that day. Worship changed for me that day. I have always been a singer and, as such, had always loved ‘worship.’ I enjoyed the melodies, the harmonies, the rhythms, the lyrics. I enjoyed the ‘corporate’ness, the sound of 200 voices raised together, the rise, the fall, the highs, the lows. But, up until that day, I never ‘enjoyed’ God in any way that was real. Occasionally there were moments of a strange sense of longing, a sense that maybe there was something more, particularly when we sang this one ‘new’ song, ‘I love you Lord’. It left me feeling…well…lost, I guess, empty…like a hypocrite, a liar; exposed. This one little song played a huge role leading up to the day that God held me. I remember being so very frustrated one Sunday and refusing to sing that song…accusing God, saying, ‘How can I possibly LOVE you?! I don’t even KNOW you! I can’t see you, hear you, feel you, how can I LOVE you?’ He waited a while before He answered me… a week, maybe two…I can’t remember… but, my goodness did He answer!! If a picture is worth a thousand words, a hug is worth a million. How can I NOT love you?!! I LOVE YOU, LORD! You are WORTHY, TRUST WORTHY, SAFE! GENTLE! LOVING! ALL ENCOMPASSING! PEACE full! JOY full! WARM! STRONG!

I have never been the same….

‘Worship’ has never been the same. So… on to the ‘pictures’…

I had opportunity to go to a big city church for a ‘worship’ night. There was a band there who had ‘fallen in love’ with God. It was real. They were not in love with the ‘idea’ of God. They were in love with GOD. It was personal. The Spirit in this place was wonderful, tangible. We worshipped for several hours. Near the end we were singing Isaiah’s (?) vision "I see the Lord, seated on the throne, and the train of his robe filled the temple with GLORY, and we cry Holy! Holy! Holy is the Lord Most High!" It was a beautiful song, powerful, glorious. I again had this sense… I was singing words I had not experienced. I was not being genuine. I did not SEE the Lord seated on the throne. I wanted to. I tried to imagine him…but could not. I successfully imagined the train of his robe filling the temple, heavy white satin with gold embroidery rippling over the entire sanctuary…but I could not imagine Him… SEE Him. I imagined how I would feel if I saw him; awed, humbled, quiet, reverent, trembling, subdued, wondrous. I anticipated feeling that way, trying to ‘prepare’ myself. I asked him ‘please God, reveal yourself to me, I love you so much, just show yourself to me, high and lifted up’ The worship leaders understood something about deep worship… they understood that it is not about getting through the song and moving on to the next one…that there are other things going on besides the singing and the music…that there are dialogs like mine going on in a thousand different hearts and it’s best not to interrupt the quality ‘father-daughter’ time by rushing through things. They continued to play this song for a long time, I imagine until the Spirit led them somewhere else. It’s nice when the Spirit leads, rather than the page leading, but that’s a side bar… sorry…

I kept pleading with God to reveal himself. Eventually I sat, knees drawn to my chest, and waited…and then…there he was… It only took a second.

I saw a boy. Seventeen, eighteen years old. Blue jeans, t-shirt, lean, tanned, short wavy hair. He was standing twenty, maybe thirty feet away, one foot on the shore, one foot on a small boulder in the creek. He’d been skipping rocks. The sun was perfect, warm on my right shoulder, the light dancing off the sparkling, splashing water. I sat on the shore, downstream, watching, perfectly relaxed, happy. He turned to look at me and he grinned. A perfectly innocent, perfect day, full of life, playful kind of grin, and his eyes sparkled. He was happy, content, at peace. He was glad to be with me! He was having fun! He was in love! My heart leapt! My whole being filled -- how does one describe it? You know what it feels like. Young love! Delight, elation, a rush! You know it…, that flush that starts at your toes and rushes all the way up, forcing you to inhale as much of life as you possibly can in the moment. He was delighted with me! He LOVED ME! He PICKED ME! And, I knew it! To the depths of my soul, I knew it! We were spending the afternoon together. I was the luckiest girl in the world, to be chosen by HIM! My heart was full to overflowing, delighted, grateful, energised, lifted up. Did I say full? It was full!

And that was it! One second of my life! A moment! I can't do it justice...

I laughed out loud, there in the sanctuary! The laugh of one surprised by something wonderful, unexpected, delightful. I was caught so completely off guard! I was expecting ‘the train of his robe,’ the King of Kings. I met Jesus, lover of my soul!

my story, or parts thereof

2008-03-17T15:06:00.001-06:00

My story, like every life story, is long and complex. To truly share my heart on this subject would likely require a book, which some have told me they would read, if I ever wrote it. Maybe this will be the beginning.

My experience… I was born in a Christian family, my Dad a pastor/high school principal, my mom a stay at home mom. We were born and bred Mennonite Brethren, one of many sects following the post reformer named Menno Simons, but my dad preached wherever. Sometime around my fifth year it was our routine, our ritual, for mom to read a Bible story at bedtime and pray “now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray thee Lord my soul to take. Amen” We did that every night, cuddled warm in our jammies and our blankies, and our mom. I felt so very secure, so safe, so loved during those times. One day I told mom I wanted to feel that way all the time. She said I could if I asked Jesus into my heart. So I did. I was never the same after that.

I associated Jesus with warmth and softness, love and security. I had no concept of sin, no concept of death, no concept of Jesus on a cross. Just a child like faith that Jesus loved me and now lived inside me. That was what I knew for my next five years. At age 10 my dad was the camp director at a summer camp. He had for the last five years been teaching at a Bible School, so he went to summer camp every year. I think this was the first time we all went along, and that’s because we were actually moving from one province to another that summer. All our stuff was in storage, and camp was home. Anyway, I was 10, but listening in at a teen camp. The speaker was talking about sin ( I think)…about heart sin, about the fact that Jesus had to actually die for my sin. For my sin. Somehow it hit home. This wasn’t just warm fuzzy blankets and Jesus in my heart. This was death…this was big…this meant something. I confessed my sin to Jesus that night. I was never the same after that.

We moved to Linden, I grew up here, I fell in love here, I survived junior high here, I sang in the choir, volunteered in the youth group, obeyed my parents (mostly, except for curfews…I’ve never been good with time…people always come first…my parents didn’t really get that, since the only people I was out with after curfew was Kerry…but hey…look at us now!!) I graduated high school here.

Then I went to Capernwray Bible Centre, only a 10 week stint. Spring school they called it then, April to June. There in the beauty of the gulf islands on the Pacific Coast I learned how to worship. I saw God in creation, I saw him in his word. I learned about relationship. I was never the same after that.

I came home and I missed the sanctuary of that place, the safety, the beauty, the community. But, there was Kerry. We got married. I was 18. We were blissfully happy. We “bought” (read: borrowed tons and tons of money, from the bank, and from the dad) a farm, built a barn, and built a life. We had a baby. We lived on the brink of bankruptcy for years at a time. We lost our business partner (Kerry’s brother, who wanted out and went off to be a mechanic). We inherited twice the work load, and twice the debt. Kerry learned that he didn’t like the work, or the debt, but here we were. We had another baby. Kerry went into a very, very black hole. He left me behind. He was here, but not here. I was alone, with two babies. I talked to people, but they didn’t understand. I went into my own black hole, and sang in the choir, and led a women’s group. Nothing about my church helped me. I needed to try harder, read the Bible more, pray more, take more responsibility in the church programs ( after all, the older women in the church had all “done their time”…now it was my turn). I missed my sanctuary, but I couldn’t find it. It was far, far away.

One day I couldn’t take it anymore. I yelled at God (in the silence of my heart). I told him this was all his fault. That he wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain. He had made promises that he wasn’t keeping. My yoke is easy, my burden is light…what a joke! The fruit of the Spirit??? Peace? Joy?? Where?? Why??

He must have been waiting for that moment, because precisely then, he rescued me. He picked me up onto his lap, held my ear to his chest, and let me listen to his heart beat, feel his strength, his hugeness, his love. He held me, I don’t know for how long, but long enough that I’ll never forget it. It was as real as me sitting on this chair right now, although I know I never left the floor I was curled up on. I can still feel him when I think about it. I have never been the same.

He didn’t change my circumstances at all right then, but he sure changed me. I found my sanctuary again, and I found love. For the first time, I actually loved God, because he first loved me. Within the year he changed the circumstances too, and thereby sort of rescued Kerry, although his real rescue didn’t come till later. We handed over the mortgage on the farm to a cousin, and walked away free (sort of – long story, but not important right now). We moved into town.

Our church hired a new associate pastor who was far from our ordinary array of pastors. He was full of life, full of truth, full of grace. He taught us all kinds of things we’d never heard before. He taught us about grace. He taught us about Jesus alone as opposed to Jesus plus. My heart said “Yes and Amen” right away. I drank it in like water for a long thirsty soul. Finally someone read the Bible the way I did, saw truth the way I saw it. I could say what I believed and he didn’t argue with me. It was wonderful! I was free. Free to learn, free to explore, free to love! I was in my glory! The Bible became alive to me. The Spirit became alive to me. In retrospect, I believe that the day God held me on his lap, the day he rescued me, was the day I was baptized in the Spirit, but I wouldn’t recognize that until later.

Previous to this, if I read about grace, if I read about freedom, if I read about the Holy Spirit, I was taught to be suspicious of it. I must not truly understand, I wasn’t educated enough, not smart enough, not holy enough, to understand. The very thought of assurance of salvation, of freedom, of abundance in life, of the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit, was like standing on the edge of a precipice far too dangerous and unstable to hold my weight. But, a precipice doesn’t scare an eagle, and I’d been given wings to fly!

This pastor didn’t stay long, and the old teaching resumed, as if he’d never come, but it was long enough for me to be set free. God began speaking to me in pictures, in concepts, in visions which I will record another time. He began putting love in my heart for those in our church who felt lost, who never knew about freedom, compassion so huge that I wept through a lot of our church services. Our worship team worshiped; a living, active, powerful, loving, gracious God. There were moments, in our worship, when his power, and his love all but overwhelmed me, causing my body to tremble, to lose it’s strength, I would bend to my knees before I fell to them. These were wonderful days. Days of such intimacy, such passion. Things I had only read about were happening to me. I could not explain this, I could not take credit for it, I could not produce it, only receive it, bask in it, refuse to ‘quench’ it, and beg for more. I have never been the same.

God opened doors for ministry for me. He started bringing youth to my doorstep, along with a love, a compassion, and a strange sort of ‘identifying with,’ that I couldn’t explain apart from the equipping of God. I had formerly been quite shy, even afraid of the youth, now I found myself weeping for them, praying for them, loving them, wanting to be with them, wanting to minister. God opened more doors for me. A young, crazy, passionate, full-of-life, full-of-Jesus guy moved to town, affiliated with the church next door. He saw what God was doing and asked to come along side. He quickly jumped on board with all his passion and enthusiasm, and a full blown youth ministry was born, with him at the forefront, me in the background…praying, and loving, and praying, and loving.

Eventually, through this ministry, God moved us, from the church I grew up in, to the church next door. It was a good move for us, but not an easy one. I wept as if someone had died. I loved this body with my whole being. I felt as if huge chunks of my heart were being ripped out, torn and bloody, and left behind. I knew with my whole heart it was the right move to make, but there was a heavy cost. I paid it in tears.

In the church next door, God chose to reveal himself in entirely different ways. While in my home church, God spoke to me, almost entirely, directly. Spirit to Spirit, Word of God to heart, father to daughter. In the church next door, he spoke to me almost entirely through the body, through his other children. All the things I had learned about in secret, were being joyfully shouted from the roof-tops! Assurance, grace, freedom, the life of the Spirit, all of it, as much as they knew, they preached.

Again, I received it with joy, but there was a part of me that longed for the intimacy of the face to face relationship. I would ask God about this. Why would he withhold it? I got the very clear, very quiet, very sure answer, that this was intentional. I was meant to learn how to ‘receive’ from the body of Christ. This was how he had designed the church to function. Building one another up, loving one another, speaking the truth in love, growing in grace and in the knowledge of God. It took a while, but once I learned to rest in this, learned to rest, period, he started bringing back the face to face, the intimacy. Now there is balance, or, it seems like it to me. It’s good. It’s peaceful. It’s steady.

Like all things in life, things are fluid. Things change. We stayed in town for a full seven years, but then we had the opportunity to move back to the farm. It scared me a lot. Many of the years we had lived on the farm were dark. The depression, the huge debt, (investment, as my husband prefers to call it) the ‘isolation’ (I’m a townie at heart…). I was not excited to go back, but Kerry was sure, so I followed, he looked at it as a gift from God. His ideas of God had changed radically. His freedom had come.

I continued doing youth work. The problems in these kids’ lives overwhelmed me at times. Made me feel they needed more than a pat on the back on a Friday night. They needed a real encounter with Jesus Christ. My opportunities with the kids were always very short. I didn’t have hours and hours to delve into the depths of their personal nightmares, their horrific family lives. I would read in the Bible how Jesus, though asked one question, would answer an entirely different question, the root question…the one at the core. He had the ability to cut through all the diversions, all the smoke screens, all the defense mechanisms and get to the heart. I found myself praying for this ability. I’ve heard it called the ‘gift of knowledge’, as listed in 1Cor.12 (I think…). I wanted it. Not for myself, but for the kids.

One day a group of us were praying. Someone asked what I would like prayed for, for me, and I shared this with them. They prayed this for me, as well as for other more general things. After we were done, a dear sweet lady asked to talk to me in private. She wanted to pray for me further. She asked me if I prayed in tongues. I said, very simply, no, I don’t. It was almost funny the look of shock on her face. She studied mine and asked ‘Are you sure??’ I assured her…really, no… She looked so puzzled. She said, ‘I could have sworn you were baptized in the Spirit!’ (she is –or maybe was- one of the many people who believe that ‘if there’s no tongues, there’s no baptism’. I’m not one of those…) I wasn’t sure how to respond to this, so I shrugged and said nothing. She said, ‘Well, we have to pray this for you!’ As if I couldn’t live without it. Again I shrugged. She asked me what I knew about tongues. I said not a lot. I’ve read about it in the Bible, I’ve heard of some lovely people who have it, I’ve read about it in the more ‘charismatic’ books, but I’d never heard them, never had them, never really longed for them. She asked if I knew there were three different kinds? No I certainly did not. She explained it very simply, very logically, very Biblically. I was amazed after hearing this, that I hadn’t figured that out for myself. Just never really thought about it, I guess. She explained that there were the tongues that were a ‘known language from another culture,’ but that you had never taken the time to learn. This kind is clearly described in Acts 2. Then there’s the kind that is for the building up of the body. The kind that is not meant to be spoken unless there is known to be an interpreter. And then there’s the third kind. The kind that is the ‘tongues of angels’, that no one understands, not even yourself. The spirit is fully engaged, but the mind is unfruitful. It is this kind of tongues that Paul wishes ‘everyone spoke… as much as he does.’ This is the kind that edifies the soul. I wonder if this is the kind that we are meant to pray ‘without ceasing’.

This was new information for me, but I was puzzled as to how this had become the subject of our conversation. I did not see the point of tongues. Who did it benefit? How would it help the kids in youth ministry? In anything really. But, she was insistent. She said it was the most wonderful gift. She asked if she could pray for me. I said sure, but really, all I wanted was the gift I had asked for. She laid her hands on my head and prayed, then asked me to pray. I still prayed for the ‘gift of knowledge’. She prayed again. She encouraged me to just speak out jibberish, like ‘la,la,la,la,hallelujah,la,la’ and that the Spirit would then ‘take over.’ She was very genuine. Apparently lots of people receive tongues this way. I told God (silently, in my head) that I did not really want to have tongues, but if that’s what he wanted for me, then, OK, but I would not speak mumbo jumbo out loud. If he wanted me to have it, he would have to give it to me silently. I’m not sure if one should bargain with God, but, that’s exactly what I did. By now she was praying in tongues out loud, which was fascinating! It sounded exactly like another language, like overhearing a Middle Eastern person in a mall. It was so fluid, so easy, so complex. Nothing ‘la,la,la’ about it! Eventually she gave up on me, or at the very least decided to go home…. And I was still a single language speaker. I shrugged my shoulders yet again and went home. Life went on.

Months went by, I never gave it any more thought. Life went on. One Sunday morning, we’re in church, I’m minding my business. Preacher’s preaching, encouraging us to spend some time just quietly asking God if there’s anyone he’d like us to go over and pray for, or encourage, or minister in any way. We’re learning to listen to the voice of God. I’m praying, quietly, listening… I hear nothing, just peace. Then someone near me gets up and walks over to someone else. I know there is history between these two, bad blood as it were. For this one to go over to that one is a big deal. I start to pray “Oh Go…………….. (silently, only mouthing the words), but I can’t finish his name. This incredible stream of words I had never learned came pouring out of my mouth, silently, my lips and my tongue mouthing sounds I had never made before. I was so startled! Caught completely off guard! And then I laughed! (Quietly of course…) I clamped my mouth shut and checked to see if anyone had noticed… no one had. I opened my mouth again…there it was again, or rather, still! It felt as if, while my mouth was clamped shut, I had simply turned the volume off on the radio, the sound was still carrying on, but I had missed it, when I opened my mouth, it just continued, not where I had left off, but where it was continuously going. It was like a river that never stopped flowing, whether you were there to watch it or not. It was fascinating! Delightful! Fabulous!

The sermon carried on, people returned to their seats, words kept flowing. I could fully concentrate on the sermon, think my own thoughts, marvel at this amazing gift, and still the words flow, non-stop. I have to miss stuff to breath, if you can understand that. The river carries on. It’s unbelievably fast, like an oriental language. My tongue makes sounds I can’t reproduce in English. My friend’s was lilting, melodic. Mine is fast. They do not sound the same. We stand to sing a few songs. I cannot sing in English and speak in tongues at the same time. I cannot speak in tongues ‘in my mind’ like I do in English, the mouth, the tongue has to be involved, and the mouth cannot speak two languages at once. But it can flip between the two in a micro-second. There is no effort required. None. It is amazing! This happened I think 4 years ago. I can pray like this continuously, non-stop day in, day out. I fall asleep praying like this, I wake up and in a second, if I choose to, I’m praying again. I am in complete control of it. I never HAVE to do it. I’ve only done it a couple times out loud for other people, when they ask me what it sounds like, but it feels inappropriate, like it’s private, but I’ll whisper it while others are praying, if I know they’re OK with it, I sing it out loud in church when everyone else is singing. I pray it out loud in the car, or when I’m alone at home. I can’t understand a word of it, but it seems to me to be intercessory in nature. If I quiet my ordinary thoughts, my mind seems always to begin to pray for other people, but I don’t actually know.

I’ve learned that, like all the gifts of the Spirit, all the gifts of God, it is a gift of grace. It is not something I earned, or maintain. One of the most encouraging things about it is it’s constancy. It never leaves, like Jesus, like the Spirit, always there. Sometimes, when I’m at my worst in selfish thoughts, or angry as anything, thinking horrible, judging thoughts, I turn my mind to God and the tongues are still there, reassuring me, proving to me that it’s grace, grace, and nothing but grace.

Another thing I think, but am not certain of, is that this river has been flowing all my life. I’ve always had it, at the very least since I was born again. It didn’t feel like a new thing. While wondrous and awe inspiring, at the same time, it feels completely natural. This leads me to believe, or at least to wonder about, that it’s true… every believer does have this gift, but, like mine… for one reason or another, it has not yet been revealed, the door has not yet been opened. I don’t know why… I don’t know how to open it, but I believe it’s there, wired right in to every believer. Not everyone has the gift of tongues that needs to be interpreted, not everyone receives a known language to reach an existing people group, but I believe everyone has this one. The heavenly language, that edifies the soul.

This is by far, not the most significant spiritual experience in my life. It hasn’t really changed me, at least not that I can tell. But it is a fabulous gift! It never ceases to fascinate me. It makes me smile. It makes me know that God is infinitely creative, continuously active, undeniably interesting. People in our circles so rarely talk about this, but it should be the most natural thing to the children of God. It is mysterious, but not scary. It doesn’t come from me, but from God, so why not talk about it. Every good and perfect gift comes from the father, not from me, it’s all him. I would love for everyone I know to have this gift, but there is much misinformation about it, much suspicion, much fear that if I ‘ask for a fish, he will give me a snake’.

I don’t know that I ever got the ‘gift of knowledge’ that I asked for, although some people say that I say things while I pray for them (in English) that impact them profoundly, that reach right to the core. As far as I’m concerned, I’m just praying, but maybe that’s how it’s meant to be. That gift is not for me, it’s for others, so if I don’t see it, or don’t know about it, I guess that’s OK, as long as other people are blessed.

My latest thing I’ve been praying for is a true understanding of the gift of healing. I seem to have this thirst for knowledge, this huge desire to minister ‘Christ the Healer’ to the sick. I am not interested in praying for ‘the doctors to have wisdom’, which is hard, because that is what most people want me to pray for them. I have much to learn about this, but maybe that’s part of my problem… I want to understand with my mind what can only probably be received in the Spirit.

So, that’s my story, at least my overview of my story… there is much more to tell, but, that’s long enough for now. “All praise to the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hasblessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.... We do not lack any spiritual gift as we eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed.”

the essence of faith

2008-03-04T20:26:00.002-07:00

Some quotes from the book our 'care group' (Bible study group?) is studying:

..."The critical issue is what you believe, or who you believe in. Telling people to 'live by faith' is invalid if they have no understanding of the object of their faith. You can't have faith in faith."

..."When people struggle with their faith in God, it is not because their 'faith object' has failed or is insufficient. It is because they don't have true knowledge of God and his ways. They expect him to respond in a certain way or answer prayer a certain way -- their way, not his -- and when he doesn't comply they say, "Forget you, God." The problem is not with God. He is the perfect 'faith object.' Faith in God fails only when people have a faulty understanding of him."

... "If you want your faith in God to increase, you must increase your knowledge of God"

..."The only way to increase your faith is to increase your knowledge of God, who is the believer's only legitimate 'faith object.' That is why Paul wrote that 'faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.'"

..."We have a covenant relationship with God (a binding contract, if you will) that we can count on being true. If God declares something to be true, you simply believe him and live according to what is true. If God didn't say it, no amount of faith in the world will make it so. Believing doesn't make God's word true. His word is true; therefore we believe it."

Neil T. Anderson, "Victory Over Darkness" - highly recommended by me....

unspeakable

2008-03-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies.... but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colours." - The Shack

Saviour! Sanctifier! Healer?

2008-03-01T10:45:00.003-07:00

I think that ‘we’ get confused on certain points of our believing about divine healing as a part of the finished work of the cross. To a large extent, ‘we’ do not ‘believe’ that healing IS a part of the ‘finished work’. It is OK to admit this. God is not unaware of our unbelief, it does not surprise him! There is a VAST difference between believing that God has the ability to heal, and believing that God has included healing in the finished work of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Let us acknowledge this difference and admit to ourselves that, while we have no doubt about the former, we have many doubts about the latter.

One of the confusions ‘we’ have is this: IF it is an accomplished fact, then, why do so many Christians still suffer from such a vast array of aches & pains, sicknesses and disease?

This question sounds similar to the often asked question: IF I have been declared righteous and holy by God himself, then, why do I still sin? IF I am dead to sin, as the scriptures teach, then, why does it still hold so much power over me?

Another great IF: IF my sins have been utterly forgiven and there truly is ‘no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus’, then, why do I still feel condemned? Why am I still afraid of God, of judgement?

The answer to the third question, (and there is an answer) is that ‘we’ do not yet believe the WORD of GOD on this matter. We trust our feelings over HIS ALMIGHTY HOLY WORD. We give ear to the great tempter, the accuser of the brethren, the wolf in sheeps clothing, when he whispers (and often shouts) the ancient words “DID GOD REALLY SAY….???”

The remedy for this doubting, this wavering, is to throw ourselves fully on the WORD of GOD in this matter; to shout with the apostle Paul, “Let GOD be TRUE and every man (or circumstance, or feeling, or teaching) a liar!” We ask along with the apostle Paul for “the SPIRIT of wisdom and revelation, that we may know God better, that we may know to HOPE to which he has called us!” We know that “faith comes by hearing & hearing by the WORD of GOD.” So, “to him who has ears, let him hear!”

Those of us who have come to believe that “there is, therefore, now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus,” that “whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life” have found that the feelings of guilt and condemnation have been utterly removed and replaced by feelings of indescribable gratitude and praise. Fear has been utterly replaced by love and adoration, for we know that ‘perfect love casts out fear!” We finally experience the ‘joy of my salvation’!

As for the second IF: In my church we are constantly being told, in one way or another, that actions follow faith, and not the other way around. We have been declared righteous and holy and acceptable to God, not based on our own works and achievements, but on the righteousness of Jesus Christ, which he exchanged with us for our sin and unrighteousness. There was a trade. My black for his white, my filth for his purity. This exchange occurred (note the past tense of the verb) when I accepted Christ as my Saviour, when I was born again, when I became a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come.

Again, the tempter casts doubt. Again, he throws ‘the evidence’ in the face of the WORD. Again, he is the accuser. Again, we throw ourselves on the WORD of GOD and the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, and again, over time, by degrees, we come to FAITH. As we come to FAITH, we find that righteousness, holiness, purity, graciousness, kindness, become our deepest desires, yes, even our identity, and that sin becomes ever more distasteful. We find that we spend more and more time living by the Spirit and less and less time living ‘according to the flesh’. We find that our actions really do follow our faith, like fruit from a vine. We BECOME what we already ARE.

A child who grows tall early in life is tempted to slouch. His parents encourage him to stand up tall. He is already six feet tall, and his parents want him to stand to his full height. He doesn’t become six feet tall when he stands up straight. He is six feet tall, whether he stands up or not. I do not become righteous when I believe it, or when I work toward it. I am righteous in Christ and I learn to stand up tall! Before I believe this, I slouch, I worry, I keep my eyes down, I sluff my feet, I try too hard, I wear myself out. After I believe it I discover that it is for freedom that Christ has set me free! I shout Hallelujah! I sing! I dance! I am no longer burdened and weighed down by the cares of this world! I live an ABUNDANT, JOY FILLED LIFE!

And the first IF??? Dare we approach this question on the same basis? Dare we say that the reason so many believers suffer is because we do not YET believe that healing of the physical body is actually a part of the finished work of the cross? Why would this offend us any more than the second two ‘IF’s? All of us remember the struggle to believe them, the doubting, the questioning, the arguing, the tension between what I once believed and what I am now being presented with. We remember the ‘offence’, the haughtiness, the outright anger when we dared to express to others what we were just beginning to believe, that we are secure in our salvation, saved by grace, righteous through faith… Why would that same tension surprise us now? Of course we will wrestle with it! I did with the other two! Of course the tempter will ask the age old question “DID GOD REALLY SAY….?” Again, he will throw the ‘evidence’, the experience, the feelings, in the face of God and hold them up against the WORD. He will practically demand us to doubt! But….

WHATIF…. We again throw ourselves on the WORD of GOD and the Spirit of wisdom? WHATIF…. We learned to doubt the experience, doubt the discouraging words, doubt the common school of thought and BELIEVE the WORD of GOD that says, “by his stripes we are healed,” that exhorts us to ‘Praise the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits-- who forgives all our sins and heals all ours diseases, who redeems our life from the pit, and crowns us with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s”? Have we forgotten some of his benefits?? “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak!” “Surely he took up our infirmities…” He wishes, above all things, that we “would prosper and be in health, even as our soul prospers”. And “he who raised Christ from the dead will also give LIFE (zoe-life) to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you” WHATIF… we believed these things rather than explained them away? (Be honest… you are trying to explain them away right now, aren’t you??) Would our experiences then follow our FAITH? Not the faith that says he could if he wanted to, but the faith that says he already has, it is an accomplished act, a paid-for blessing, a part of our glorious inheritance, a gift held out, a gentle, patient, hand that stands at the door and knocks. WHATIF… we renewed our minds to agree with scripture? WHATIF… we confessed and repented of our unbelief? Would we see less and less sickness and disease, weakness and infirmity? Would we learn how to live in divine health the way we learn to walk in the Spirit? Could it be?

EDIT

2008-02-17T23:35:00.002-07:00

I edited the 'God does nothing..." post. Hopefully it's a little more clear...??? I don't know if people get what I'm trying to say... I don't know if I get what I'm trying to say....

just in case...

2008-02-17T23:05:00.002-07:00

Just in case you wanted to know what kind of a hyprocryte you're talking to....

I just purchased travelers health insurance for a trip I'm taking outside the safety of my own country's health care system. Just in case...

be careful what you wish for....

2008-02-17T22:23:00.004-07:00

Do you remember the story of the blind man that called out 'Son of David, have mercy on me!" And after getting Jesus' attention, Jesus stops and asks him 'What do you want me to do for you?" (Luke 18:35-43)

I always used to think this was the dumbest question! Why on earth would Jesus ask this question? Shouldn't it be obvious? The man's BLIND!

But I'm learning something strange. I'm learning that the answer to this question is NOT obvious.

I am surprised at the responses people give. The blind man gave the response I would expect. "Lord, I want to see!" That makes sense to me. But, more often than not, when people ask for prayer, they do not ask 'to see'. They ask for patience in this trial, they ask for courage, they ask for 'grace to get through this difficult time', they ask for comfort in their pain, they ask for the doctors to have wisdom, they ask for the nurses to be compasssionate, they ask for the medicine to 'do it's job', they ask for new breakthroughs in treatment, they ask that they may be a good example to those looking on, they ask for a deeper walk with Christ. Very often, they do not ask for healing at all!

These are not the things the blind man asked for.

Jesus' response? "Receive your sight; your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God.

This man did not need patience in this trial, he did not need courage, he did not (any longer) have a 'difficult time', he did not have pain, he needed no doctor, no nurses, no medicine, no medical breakthroughs. My guess is he was a GREAT example to those who looked on! And he most definately had a deeper walk with Christ! When all the people saw it, they also praised God.

There's a line in a song, goes like this. "be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it all!" If Jesus said to us, as he did to the centurion in Matt.8:13, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would".... what would that mean? what did I believe? what did I ask for? If I get what I ask for, will I get what I really want? Is what I ask for, different than what I want? What DO we want HIM to do for us? Why are we so scared to ask?

And, PS.

Why, immediately after praying, do we say things like, "well, in two weeks we have an appointment, and then we'll know what we're up against.... (followed by a long, deep sigh, and a sad smile of hopelessness) What does this person BELIEVE God WILL do?

God does nothing??

2008-02-11T23:15:00.003-07:00

Quote #1. "God does nothing on earth, save in answer to prayer" John Wesley

"Nothing"- is a pretty strong word. Things like this make me stop and say 'hmmm....' I am trying to decide if I believe this.....

Quote #2. "God chose, from the time of creation, to work through humans, not independent of them. Though God is sovereign and all powerful, Scripture clearly tells us that He limited Himself, concerning the affairs of the earth, to working through human beings." Dutch Sheets

We have trouble, I think, seeing God as one who limits himself. We see God as one who does what he pleases, when he pleases, how he pleases. But then, we have trouble reconciling that with the chaos we see in the world around us. If he does what he pleases, when he pleases, how he pleases, then, all the chaos that we see must be 'what' he pleases. But this can't be true, can it?

To think that he could do something about it, but chooses not to, makes us wonder about the truth of his 'good and perfect and pleasing will.' This chaos does not appear to be any of the three; good, perfect, or pleasing. We have been taught not to question God about this. But, secretly, in places we don’t talk about, we’ve been angry with him. We have been taught that our judgement about 'good and evil' is faulty (my mental jury is still out on this point...) How do we reconcile this? We have chosen to believe that God does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, He is sovereign, therefore, if we follow this through, the chaos must be what he wants. We have chosen to believe that what he wants is 'good' (however foreign that concept is to our sense of right and wrong), so we have no choice, if we add these two thoughts together, but to declare the chaos good. (the other choice of course, is to stick our heads in the sand…to refuse to think, refuse to question, and just be led along the garden path…)

But, WHATIF.... we have a God who, though he is sovereign, limits himself? To what does he limit himself? To the will of man! (Not that the man necessarily chooses/wills the chaos, but that he insists on living independant of God, refuses to surrender to him, refuses to 'listen to instruction', which, as a result, leads to chaos) The thought of this is overwhelming! But I cannot doubt the truth of it. It changes everything!!! It reconciles everything...doesn't it?? Yes?? No??? Don't answer too quickly... It's a big question.

Or, maybe it's not a big question...

Maybe you've never had trouble reconciling a 'good, sovereign' God with the chaos you see around you. Maybe you've never been asked to believe that: this not-good, not-pleasing, not-perfect thing that is happening is the 'path he has chosen for me to walk.' Maybe you've never been asked to believe that: if God doesn't heal you of a disease the first (or the 21st) time you ask, the disease must be his will. He is sovereign after all... if he wanted to heal you he would. The fact that he hasn’t healed me proves that he doesn’t want to, that it is not his will to do so. I've heard these words. These, too: "if it's not his will to heal me, then I will simply learn to live with this... I can do that! It's no big deal... who am I to question God?? He does what he wants!"

I have been asked to believe that sometimes,... most times, actually... sickness and disease is (or at the very least, could be) God's will. The plans he has for me, to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future, actually look like the plans to give me cancer, chronic pain, bankruptcy, a lifeless marriage, and children who despair of life. (Not that I have any of these things... they are just examples of things I've heard...not wanting to start any rumors!) I've been asked to accept these things as from the hand of God. The reason it doesn't fit with my view of 'good, perfect, & pleasing' is because my judgement is faulty. I have been asked (by way of this type of reasoning) to believe that: what I perceive to be bad is, in fact, good, because God is good, and God is all.

I'm not buying it.

{I know it seems like I've shifted gears... like I've switched from one subject to another but I’m not sure I have. I get confused. I know what I’m thinking, but not sure how to write it out. }

First reason I’m not buying it: if this type of reasoning is correct… what then would be the point of praying? If God does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, then what’s the point? How could my feeble utterance make any difference at all? Second reason: if this type of reasoning is correct, it completely negates the work of the devil, whom we have been told has plots and schemes to steal, kill, and destroy, and prowls around like a hungry lion. Why would we need to be on guard against the devil if he could do nothing at all to us, or, on the reverse, we could do nothing to resist him? If everything that happened was God’s will, his good and perfect and pleasing will, then who is this devil, this father of lies, this wolf in sheep’s clothing? Is he a tool of God? Is he, too, in the final analysis, good? And, …what about SIN? Does my own sin, or the sin of others, have any negative consequence? Or is my sin, too, part of God’s plan? His good and perfect will? We need to be careful how we think about these things!

But IF… God is a God who, though he IS sovereign, limits himself…., IF he is a God who ‘does nothing on earth, save in answer to prayer’, then the need for prayer is enormous! IF he has chosen, concerning the affairs of the earth, to limit himself to working through human beings’, then the need for me to offer my body as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, is enormous! Then, and only then, will we be able to test and approve what is the will of God, his good and pleasing and perfect will, and, on the reverse… what is NOT his will. I DO believe that there is such a thing as, NOT HIS WILL! I currently DO NOT believe that the chaos is His will. I DO NOT believe that the turmoil in my friend’s marriage, the loneliness, the despair, is the cross she has to bear. I DO NOT believe that sickness, disease, and pain is God’s PLAN for us.

We, as the body of Christ, have been commissioned to ‘heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons, and preach the good news to the poor." WHATIF…. we actually did?

An example of Question 3

2007-11-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

A woman came to me after church one day, kind of in a rush, and asked if I would pray with her. Of course I would, this is my favorite thing to do. We went off to a quieter place and I asked what was up. She said "I need you to pray for my back, as I’ve got a really busy week and don’t have time to go to the chiropractor" (my quotes are not word for word, as they are relying on my often faulty memory of the situation...) I LOVE this woman, and I wish more people were like her, so don’t think I’m judging her, I’m just going to tell you what I ‘heard’ when she said this. "I ‘need’ you to pray for my back because my #1, my first resort, my preferred method, is unavailable, and Jesus is a less than reliable second. If I had time for the chiropractor, I would not come to you/Jesus…" I logged this away in my mind and prayed for healing. When I was done praying I asked her if she had sensed anything, heard anything from God, felt anything while we were praying. (I always ask this question, and the answers are so interesting!) She just smiled and said "No" with a bit of a shrug, "I guess it’s up to Him now, if he wants to." Did you get that last bit? IF He WANTS to? I asked her if she believed there were any situation in which he might NOT want to. She answered, "well, if it’s not His will, if there were some ‘higher purpose’ for my pain." I asked her "If you believe there could be a "higher purpose’ for your pain, and this pain could possibly actually BE the will of God, then, are you not out of line is seeking relief from a chiropractor?" She is a wonderful woman, in that, she is not easily offended. I have asked other people this same sort of question, and had them be horribly offended. She is a very thoughtful woman. There are often long silences between question and answer with her. After one of these long silences she asked me "Well, if we’re going to go down that road, then, it begs the question… should I be taking any pain killers for this?" I smiled and shrugged and replied ‘It’s a valid question… IF you are going to believe that it ‘might be God’s will for you to have pain" (NOT to heal you) in order for him to accomplish some ‘higher purpose," then we are in conflict with His will in seeking relief from it." She was not at all comfortable with this new line of thinking. There was a lot going on in her brain at this moment. We prayed again, this time for a revelation of the TRUTH, and for unity in our prayers. Then we hugged and she quietly went on her way. I never heard from her for nearly two months. I had no idea how her ‘incredibly busy week’ had gone. Truth be told, I was sort of avoiding her, because I hate hearing that ‘nothing happened’ when we’ve prayed for healing. It’s very frustrating for me.

Anyway, about two months later, she came up beside me when I was alone and just quietly asked ‘Do you remember when we prayed together?" I said "ya". She said, "Well, I went through that whole week without a single pain killer! I had NO pain! I slept through the night, which is something I haven’t been able to do for years! I had this huge bottle of pain killers that I never once used!"

I was so relieved, so blessed, so thankful, so encouraged!

True or False?

2007-11-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

I was accused of 'shooting' someone with a vaccinating gun today. Falsely accused. One person asked the other if 'Ingrid had shot them yet?' The answer was 'yes, twice!' I asked the person 'why do you lie?' The response? "Well, I meant to say 'shot me a look', but I ran out of time." This of course was just lame and silly banter while doing a job that is not entirely fun, but the lesson is there. Half of the truth can lead me to believe a lie. Half the truth is not a lie, but it can lead me to believe a lie. It happens all the time....

3 Questions

2007-11-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hey, I know, it’s been a long time since I’ve written. That’s cause I’m not sure if I’ve had any clear revelations since last I wrote. I went back and read what I’ve written so far, and don’t really feel like I can really add anything to it. Like the ‘book’ is finished. And yet, the journey is not. I’m still wishy-washy about things. I’m still scared to vocalize what I believe in some circles, because one could easily call me a hypocrite about certain things if they watched my life closely. I’ve had people whom I’ve shared my beliefs on healing with, who’ve just shy of mocked me when I have not successfully battled a cold, and showed up somewhere with the sniffles. It’s kind of sad actually, for someone to be ‘glad’ about my illness because it ‘proves’ me wrong. It doesn’t prove me wrong… It just proves that if you don’t pay attention…stuff sneaks up on you… just like bad attitudes, grudges, lustful thoughts, jealousy… it all sneaks up if you’re not ‘on the alert’ as the Bible would say.
I want to start a new round of toomanywhatifs… About the same things, but maybe from a different angle. Maybe not. Maybe it will all be same old, same old. But I know that with other truths from the Bible, eg. Saved by grace, righteous through faith, we/I need to hear the same things over and over again, because the ‘world’ presents such an entirely different message, that I need to be reminded of the beauty and simplicity of the truth.
So here goes.
I had a conversation with a gentleman recently. He proposed that there are really only two questions necessary when faced with any kind of difficulty in life.
Question 1. Is there a God?
Question 2. Is He able?
To that I very quickly responded that I believe there is a third. He looked a bit taken aback. In his mind (if I can dare to read his mind) he felt that if these two questions were answered by truth, the matter would be settled. He didn’t want to hear that there would be a third question. But curiosity got the better of him (or else, I just blurted it out… that happens sometimes) so he heard me out.
Question 3. Will He?
Is that not the question everyone asks?? Everyone I talk to asks this question in one way or another. Will he? Will he forgive my sins? All my sins?? Even the ones I pre-meditate and do repeatedly, on purpose? Will he keep food on the table and a roof over my head if I "seek him first?" Will he "meet all (my) needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Will he give me love for my kids/parents/husband/co-workers when I’m at my wits end? Will he give me a ‘way out’ when I am tempted, like his WORD says? Will he calm my fears? Will he ‘heal all our diseases" like his WORD says?
We’ve had a few discussions around here about the subject of ‘suffering’. There are a lot of different schools of thought about this issue. Although the suffering most often referred to in the Bible deals with persecution because of the name of Jesus Christ, we are mostly unaffected by persecution thanks to a ‘so far’ common belief about freedom of religion. (I say ‘so far’ because I see it beginning to slip away…). So, when we, around this neck of the woods, think about suffering, invariably the subject of healing comes up. One time, just recently, I was having this 3 Question conversation with a lovely lady, whom I love. Her response was that the third question absolutely comes up. Without any coaxing from me, or manipulating of the conversation, her thoughts went immediately to her medical condition. She said to me ‘I have NO doubt that there IS a God. I have NO doubt that he COULD heal me. The Question is, DOES HE WANT TO? ‘Will he?" She feels there is no way to KNOW the will of God, and that if he doesn’t WANT to heal her, then she will have to learn to live with this illness. He might have some "higher purpose" for it. (sick people always say this, and friends trying to encourage sick people say this too) The fact that she’s had the illness for several years and has not been healed seems proof enough to her that he does NOT want to heal her. God always DOES what he WANTS to do…. is the theory…
A few days later I was conversing with a different gentleman about suffering, and, again, without coercion (spell check says that’s right?? Sure doesn’t look right!) the subject of physical healing came up. This time to do with chronic pain from an old and well deserved injury. There have been many prayers for healing gone up for this gentleman. Again the comments… "I have NO DOUBT that God CAN heal me" Question 1 &2 answered. But the jury is still out on Question 3. "Are you saying that I just "Need MORE faith?" If I have thi--------------------s much faith that God CAN ABSOLUTELY heal me in a heart beat, how can you say I need more faith?? (I never said he needed MORE faith…. I’ve discussed MORE faith in a different post, but this is ALWAYS what people hear. Must mean I’m a bad communicator….) The conclusion?? God doesn’t WANT to heal me. He CAN, but He WON’T, at least not now. I mean, a day is like a thousand years to God. Maybe he WANTS to in 10 more years. He must have a ‘higher purpose.’
Settling Question 1 and Question 2 is of very little use if I can’t settle Question 3. I can’t have ‘faith’ in a God who MIGHT save me… I need faith in a God who WILL save me. How do I become convinced that he WILL save me? By hearing the gospel. By knowing the scripture. The WORD of God. I can’t take a mans word for it. But I can take GOD’s word for it. I cannot experience assurance of salvation, of forgiveness of sin, until I am convinced that he WILL save me, he WILL forgive me. As long as I think, "he could if he wanted to," I will live in fear that he might not. Once I know that he WANTS to, and he CAN, in fact, he already HAS!!!!, then I can rest in assurance that I’ve been forgiven.
I believe the same holds true of physical healing. It is of very little use to believe that my God is ABLE to heal me if he wants to, but not have any idea IF he WANTS (wills) to. Once I discover that he WANTS (wills) to, then I can put my faith in what is TRUE; in the WILL and the NATURE and the CHARACTER and the HEART of God. Then I can receive the gift, the way I received the gift of salvation…by faith, not in one who CAN, but in one who WILL.
To go back to the original 2 Question guy. Once I explained that there was indeed a third question that needs to be addressed, he went back to editing Question 1, saying "Is there a God, and if so, WHO is he?" I concede to this amendment, because, if we know WHO our God is, then we answer the "WILL he" question. But, in reality, he turned Question 1 into two Questions, so, actually, there are still 3 Questions, so…. I win. There are 3 Questions that must be answered before the matter can be settled.

The Believers Prayer....

2007-04-21T12:49:00.000-06:00

"On their release, (from interrogation by the authorities, and threats of violence if they don’t shut up about this Jesus) Peter and John went home and reported…

When they heard this, they raised their voices together in prayer to God… "…Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your WORD with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus."

And after they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly." Acts 4:23-31 (ish)

I was convicted by this prayer of late… When I say convicted, I mean that I was shown, by God, that my thoughts, my desires, my prayers, were not entirely in line with his in this area. The kind of ‘showing’ that demands a response, a decision to act and to think differently. Repentance…

You see, I’ve been seeing a need for quite some time to see people healed of physical sickness and disease. I see it in the Bible, I see promises made, provisions made… I want to see it ‘lived out’ in the here and now. This is my desire. So, for quite a while, I’ve been praying the ‘believers’ prayer… but, I’ve only been praying part of it.

I’ve been praying for God to "stretch out his hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of his holy servant Jesus." I knew this was in line with the will and the WORD of God, because it is written right here in Acts. And God was clearly pleased with this prayer, because after they prayed the place was shaken, and they were filled with the Holy Spirit, and the prayer was answered.

The part that GOT my attention recently is the verse directly before, and directly after the one I’ve been praying. It goes like this… "and enable your servants to speak your WORD with great boldness….." and afterwards, " and they spoke the WORD of God boldly." In other words… PUT MYSELF OUT THERE… no matter the risks, no matter the threats, no matter the clucking tongues, no matter the potential for misunderstanding, no matter the controversy. Speak the WORD of God BOLDLY.

For me, that means die to self protection……. It means die to the need to be accepted by my peers. It means I can’t cower in the corner. I wanted God to stretch forth his hand, while I remained cowardly and silent and uncertain, while I muttered silent prayers unseen and unheard by those whose approval and respect I crave.

I have expanded my prayer to include the "enable your servant" part, when I have the courage, and I take it back and go back to cowering when I don’t……. I’m on a journey…… pray with me… if you dare…..

2007-04-21T11:57:00.000-06:00

I posted three in a row here...I've been having trouble getting my 'create a new post' page to come up, so have been stock piling a bit... Please read them in order, from bottom to top... not that it matters a lot... but, that is the sequence of my thoughts....

the Boy next door...

2007-04-21T11:52:00.000-06:00

I recently heard about a man (or rather…some men) who are being referred to as ‘a modern day Peter and Paul!’ I heard about how these men are preaching fearlessly in sometimes dangerous and increasingly hostile territory. I heard about how miracles are happening… how people are having their sins forgiven, their diseases healed, and their lives redeemed from the pit! I heard about how people are seeing the New Testament ‘lived out’ in the here and now! There is great excitement – as well there should be! There are bold declarations that our God – our Jesus – is ‘the same! Yesterday! Today! Forever!’ There is amazement!

I love hearing this! But, there is something about it that makes me a little sad. These words are not being said about my church, in my town.

There is something else. Every one in my church (not that I’ve spoken to everyone…I’m making assumptions) would boldly say that they believe, wholeheartedly, the WORD of God. And yet, we are amazed when we SEE that our God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. If we had truly believed…all our lives…the WORD of God… we would not find it AMAZING that his WORD is true. Do you get what I’m saying?

We are very, very reluctant to say that we don’t believe the WORD of God. There is good reason for this. We should be ashamed to admit to the God who created the universe in a moment, in a breath, in a WORD, that we don’t believe what he says. We are very, very reluctant to say that anything depends on our faith, because that would mean we would have to have faith, which would mean that we would have to admit that we don’t have faith, which actually means that: we have to admit that we don’t believe that what God says is true! And we recognize the absurdity of that and shrink from it. We hide from it. We deny it.

We piously use the story of the father of the son with seizures to say that ‘faith is not required, because the father said ‘help thou my unbelief’ (proving that he did not believe) and Jesus healed his son anyway,’ even though absolutely everywhere else in the Bible it says that faith IS required. It is...our loophole for unbelief. The thing we miss when we say this is: The father admits that he has unbelief. We, however, stiff-neckedly say, "You can’t tell me I don’t believe…I believe the WORD, I believe in Jesus!" We get angry (or hurt, which is a different form of anger) at the implication. Our pride gets seriously ruffled. "Help thou my unbelief" was not a ‘formula phrase’ used to cover all the bases. "Help thou my unbelief," to be of any real value, requires fall-on-your-face repentance and humility and shame that we could dare to doubt the God of the universe. The God who loved us so much that he sent his only son. The God who said ‘who heals all your diseases.’ The God who said ‘by His stripes we are healed.’

**Whew…I went on a bit of a rant there… got a little side tracked from the title… anyway…

I wonder if…having grown up, all my life, with Jesus… if I don’t have a bit of ‘the boy next door’ syndrome.

The story I’ve recently heard is punched full of exclamations that God is powerful, that Jesus is POWERFUL! There is POWER! Again, this should not amaze us! This is what the WORD has been saying all along! Paul asks the question of the Galatian church ‘Does God work miracles among you because of this…or because of this??’ The fact that he works miracles is a given, it is taken for granted, it is commonplace, it is everyday, it is undisputed in the Galatian church.

**Ooohh – getting off track again…**

The problem is, I’ve grown up with Jesus. He’s ‘the boy next door.’ I know, I know, I was told that I needed to place my faith in him, or I wouldn’t get to heaven… I know, I know, He lead a sinless life, blah, blah, blah… but really… he’s just Jesus… his mom is Mary, his dad’s a carpenter… yah, yah, yah. He grew up down the street from me… he shared his lunch with me sometimes. He moved away a while back and there was some big hoopla about him, people followed him around like he was something special. He was nice and all, a really good friend actually, …but… POWERFUL??

"…in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor." An he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith." Matt.13:58 and Mark 6:4-6

Again my heart cries out for revelation..........

Metaphorical...

2007-04-21T11:48:00.000-06:00

As in… not literal….

God created the heavens and the earth… in SIX days… Literal? Or metaphorical?? Was God being poetic when he wrote this? Was he really doing something in the physical, or was he alluding to something much deeper, more… spiritual?

He forgives all our sins… literal? Or metaphorical?

He heals all our diseases… literal? Or metaphorical?

He redeems our lives from the pit and crowns us with love and compassion… literal? Or metaphorical?
He has bourne our sorrows… literal? Or metaphorical? "…and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death", "And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."

He took our infirmities and carried our diseases… literal? Or metaphorical? Physical? Or spiritual?

Get this now... Hear this... Read it in your own Bible... Settle this...

"When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed ALL the sick. This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases."" Matt.8:16-17

"And he healed them ALL"…literal? Or metaphorical? Physical? Or spiritual?

"And he healed them ALL"…

"And he healed them ALL"…

"And he healed them ALL", the deaf, the blind, the lame, the one’s with seizures, the ones with fevers, the ones with arthritis, the ones with leprosy, the one’s with issues of blood, the ones with demons… Physical? Or spiritual? Or…could it be?? BOTH??

By his stripes we are healed… Physical? Or spiritual? Or BOTH?

Which is harder? To forgive this man’s sins? Or to say "take up your mat and walk?" Notice he doesn’t answer the question? Maybe because they were equally hard? They BOTH required the shed blood of Jesus, they were BOTH promised at the same time, and BOTH delivered at the same time….

time spent waiting...

2007-04-21T09:46:00.000-06:00

One argument I always hear when I say that I believe that physical healing was included in the work of Jesus Christ on the cross, when I say that physical healing was bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus, an inheritance we receive along with salvation, is: that I am focussing too much attention on the physical body and being distracted from the far more important spiritual person. I also hear that I am taking the focus off of Christ and putting it on the physical here and now.

To that I have several things to say:

One: Physical healing comes from Christ. If I spend time looking at a diamond from the third side, rather than the first or the second side, have I stopped looking at the diamond? Or, in looking long and hard at the third side have I come to a fuller and deeper revelation of the whole of the diamond? Have I possibly learned that there are many, many sides (facets) to this diamond, each as beautiful as the rest?

Two: Is the ‘too much focus on the physical and not enough on the spiritual’ statement just a bit hypocritical? On average, how much time do we spend looking after our physical bodies? My morning shower routine takes about 45 minutes a day. I have recently begun disciplining myself to exercise (for the sake of my health). I’m feeling pretty picked-on, and strangely proud, if I spend 20 minutes a day on cardio. I know many people who spend an hour or more a day. I know people who pay for time at a gym, pay for the gas to get to the gym, write off the hour or so in the car to get there. Why? For the physical body. For health… (sometimes, truth be told, for less noble reasons…like…appearance…)

This is just normal physical body maintenance. Factor into this, the time and resources spent if the physical body starts to malfunction. How many weeks will you wait for a doctor’s appointment? How far will you drive? How long will you wait in an emergency room to have an ear infection looked after by a doctor? An hour? Two? Six, seven? You’ll wait as long as it takes. How many times will you go back if the original treatment doesn’t work? Or helps a little, but not enough? How many pills will you pop in a day (knowing full well the side effects) to get the problem solved?

What if you’re told you need a surgery? How many hours will that take out of your life? How many weeks will you be off work? How many things will you have to re-arrange in your schedule? What changes to your lifestyle will you be willing to make? What risks are you willing to take at the hands of a fallible human - with a knife - who may or may not have had enough sleep the night before? All for what? For physical health?? Isn’t that a little off focus? (Do you see the hypocrisy of the statement?)

When it comes to our health, we take it very, very seriously. A woman who goes three years without a pap smear or a breast exam is considered irresponsible. Am I right? All else stops when it’s an issue of health. So let’s be careful then, with this argument that ‘we’re getting off focus’ when we begin to look closely at a third side of a diamond, or talk about "all our sins forgiven, all our diseases healed, our lives redeemed from the pit…(Psalm 103)" He provided physical healing for us because we need it. He has given us everything we need for life – through… (do you remember? – through what?)

Whatif… we applied the same diligence to knowing God, and to ‘forgetting not all his benefits’, and to knowing the ‘glorious inheritance in the saints’, and the ‘incomparably great power for those who believe, that is like the power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead?’ Whatif… we determined to know God as he revealed himself in His WORD, rather than in popular belief, rather than in our experience or the lack there-of.

Whatif… when we went to the elders for prayer, we invested the same amount of time – to ‘wait’ on God? When you wait in a waiting room, you wait…. Whatif… we did that in prayer, instead of the quick 3-4 minutes and if it doesn’t work then… O well,… sigh,… I guess It’s not God’s will….., back to the doctor with me…. (Does anything else in our spiritual walk work that way??) Whatif… while waiting in prayer, the Spirit requested a lifestyle change? A thought pattern change? A letting go of long held… - whatever….?

Black & White

2007-04-05T20:17:00.000-06:00

I read my own writing and hear the accusation that it's all too black and white, it's too bold, but believe me when I tell you that I wrestle continuously with the miriad shades of grey in my questions. Thing is, my posts are already too long, to address all the greys, all the doubts, all the fears, all the arguments, all the subtleties would take volumes. Know that if you spoke to me face to face you would see the greys, the insecurities, the frustrations, and sometimes the tears. You would find a girl searching......

Don't Get Me Wrong...

2007-04-05T19:54:00.000-06:00

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve used the medical profession in the past. Medical assistance was used in the delivery of both my babies. There have been (uncommonly few) trips to the doctor for pneumonia, bronchitis, etc. My man had his appendix out. I had my adenoids out as a child. I’ve been to a chiropractor. My dad had angioplasty a few years ago. My niece had a tumor removed. I have countless friends who’ve had surgeries, and/or who rely on meds for their daily health.

Whatif…none of these people had used the medical profession? Would they be here today? Would they be alive? Would they be in pain? Would they be strong? I don’t know about you, but these questions have the potential to stab fear into the very core of my being. But, then I ask myself… why the fear? I don’t like the answer. It’s because I fear that if I throw myself wholly (with a stubborn refusal to use plan B,) onto the will of God, that he will have me writhing in pain, or weak, or dying, all the while looking the fool for trusting in an unseen God when there were other, albeit less desirable, options. It's ugly, but it's honest.

I read something interesting a few months back that went something like this; that fear and faith are two sides of the same coin, that fear is the constant expectation of something bad and faith is the constant expectation of something good.

Why is it that we fear to throw ourselves fully (with no plan B) on the will of God? Is it because we expect something bad? We expect him to 'allow' something bad? We expect a good God to give us something bad, or, at least, to not deliver us from something bad. We expect him NOT to deliver us so we need a plan B. We need the help of man. Is this true? Ask yourself why this subject gives you fear. Really ask yourself. For me the answer is obvious. It’s because I don’t trust him. I don’t trust HIM, his name, his heart, his nature, his character, his will, his intentions toward me, his promises, his suffering, his finished work, his WORD.

Have you ever done a search on how many times in the Bible God says "Fear not"? Lots and lots and lots of times. Why do you think? Because fear is the opposite of faith. Because fear is an attack on God’s character. It’s a slap in the face. It’s a bold statement that God is NOT big enough for this problem and we must enlist the help of man. Or, could it be that I believe God’s intentions toward me are cruel and difficult, and man is more merciful than God. (Man would ‘never’ allow you to suffer if there was anything he could do about it…) Is this not also an affront to his character?

At this point in the discussion some will no doubt quote the ‘thorn in the side’ precedent and say "My grace is sufficient for you." (Along with many other arguments I've heard and wrestled with) Do you know anyone who quotes the verse "My grace is sufficient for you" with regard to a health issue that doesn’t ALSO take pills, or see the doctor, or have a surgery…? Are they truly throwing themselves on God alone, on grace alone?? Is God’s grace really sufficient? Or are we also enlisting the help of man?

These are hard questions. They work at the core of our beliefs about the character and nature of our God. They expose our unbelief, at least they sure expose mine. They have me falling on my knees appalled that I could think so little of such an awesome God.

More Whatifs...

2007-03-25T18:32:00.000-06:00

More Whatifs….
We’ve been hearing the phrase "Jesus is the way and every other way is not the way."
This is not ‘politically correct.’ ‘Enlightened’ people are meant to believe that "All paths lead to heaven… if you want to believe in heaven… If you don’t want to believe in heaven… well that’s OK too… what ever works for you… so long as you’re happy." or "There are many pathways to heaven, just choose the one that’s best for you."
But Jesus says "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father (gets to heaven) except through me."
Jesus is the way and every other way is not the way. A well-taught Christian will stand very firmly on this. Christians will not argue among themselves about this. We accept this as truth.
Here’s the whatif…
"There are many paths to healing"… You know where I’m going with this. Already the alarm bells are ringing….
Whatif… Jesus is the way and every other way is not the way. Whatif… God is the healer and the only way to God the Healer is through Jesus Christ, who himself bore our weakness, took up our infirmities, carried our diseases.
Whatif… our belief that there are many paths to healing is viewed by God to be idolatry, an affront to his provision of grace through his son Jesus Christ. An attempt to fix ourselves. Man fixing man, rather than God fixing man. An unauthorized tampering with creation by one who did not create it. (Even car dealers get cranky about this sort of thing…)
Whatif… the reason many of us are sick and even dying is because we have failed to recognize the ‘body broken for us’. 1Cor.11.29? We recognize the blood spilled, but do we recognize the body broken? Do we distinguish between the two? Should we? What about the stripes? We know our sins are forgiven, but Psalm 103 says "forget not ALL his benefits – who forgives ALL our sins, AND heals ALL our diseases, who redeems our life from the pit and … more and more and more…."
We get very unhappy when we hear a "Jesus +" gospel, which is no gospel at all. Whatif… the same were true of Jesus + a doctor.., Jesus + medicine.., Jesus + herbal remedies… Whatif a prophet of God came and told us in no uncertain terms that we are first worshipping at the temple, leaving our sacrifices and then scurrying off to Baal… to cover all the bases? Jesus plus…. Would we stone him? Would we say he’d lost his mind? Would we call him divisive? Offensive?
Whatif James… one of the founding fathers of the church gave this instruction… "Is anyone sick? He should call the elders…. And then… just to cover all the bases, pursue every other avenue (pathway) to healing you can find and/or afford."
Whatif… a very famous, very well respected, but very seldom read man would write these words for all to see. "Divine Healing is a Command… Divine healing ceases to be a mere privilege. It is the divine prescription for disease, and no obedient Christian can safely ignore it. Any other method of dealing with sickness is unauthorized. This is God’s plan. This makes faith simple and easy. We have only to obey in childlike confidence: God will fulfill."
Would we follow him, would we respect him still? It’s pretty bold. Pretty different… Bet you’d be surprised who wrote this…. (it wasn’t me…)
Whatif… like the learners test… we think we know it all…?
These are the questions I’m asking.

so many thoughts, so few posts...??

2007-03-25T17:37:00.000-06:00

I borrowed a Sunday school class today. Such fun! Junior High kids are fun. As you know... I work in a vehicle registry office, therefore, I have the priveledge of administering learners license exams to all the wonderful 14 year old hopefulls that come in. I always ask them if they studied, they always say.."Yah, a bit..." and then they go at it. 9 times out of 10, they fail. Often by a lot! I ask them what went wrong and they say, "Well... I didn't know THAT was going to be on the test!"

They figure they know it all. They've been in cars all their lives. They've watched their parents drive. They know to drive on the right side of the road. They know what a stop sign looks like and what to do when they see one. They figure out the yeild signs and the T-intersection signs. They start to learn about lights and lanes and figure they know it all. They are operating in the realm of their experience.

But the parents don't know about the graduated licensing program that came into effect 4 years ago. They don't know that the demerits are different, the tolerances are different... the rules are different. The parents don't know that there will be questions about license suspensions and re-instatements, they figure (and so do the kids) that it's all common sense. They are telling the kids that you can get 15 demerits before they pull your license. That's true for the parents... but not true for the kids who will have a newly implemented graduated license which only allows 8. The kids are taking the parents word for it, and not studying. It is in the book

Back to the Sunday School... I asked them why they would study a drivers manual...and they said...so they could drive... But truthfully...they could drive anyway, some of them do (on gravel roads, or around their yards). So why study? So they could drive legitimately, within the law, so they would drive safely, not posing a danger to themselves or others. Not knowing which lane to drive in causes some serious safety hazards, but... you don't need a book to teach you what experience has already taught you.

The trouble comes when you come across something you have not experienced. I have never driven a traffic circle, never even seen one... but they have to know how to, if they're going to pass the test. That's where the book comes in handy. Really this post is not about learners tests. It's about experience.

I held up a Bible and asked why they would study this... There were no satisfactory answers. And, truth be told (which they did tell) they don't read their Bibles at all. They have watched their parents do life. Just like driving. They know that 'in the beginning God...", they know about Noah's ark, there something about Moses, then there were kings... David & Goliath, some prophets or something with funny names you can't pronounce, and then Jesus. He was born in a manger, he told stories, he walked on water, he died and then he rose again. He's coming back some time far, far in the future... That ought to do it.... Why study what experience has already taught me. I'll get by... how hard can it be?

We're no different. Do we study the word of God? or do we go on what experience has taught us. What if there's more out there than what we've experienced, more out there than what we've heard about? Whatif there's more to it than "pie-in-the-sky-when-I-die...but only if you get your chores done..." Whatif what our parents/chuch/sunday school teachers/taught us, or the common thought of the day, isn't true? How will we find out the truth? Whatif the word of God contradicts common thought, what if it contradicts experience? Whatif there are promises God has made that we have never heard?

Don't shush me, shushy

2007-02-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

"To have found God and still to pursue Him is the soul’s paradox of love, scorned indeed by the too easily satisfied religionist, but justified in happy experience by the children of the burning heart." A.W. Tozer – The Pursuit of God

He goes on to talk of Moses, who already had a friendship with God, asking God to show him His glory. Of David, whose soul longs, even pants, for the living God. Of Paul, who laid aside everything, counting it rubbish, to KNOW God. Then goes on to say this:

"How tragic that we, in this dark day, have had our seeking done for us by our teachers. Everything is made to center upon the initial act of ‘accepting’ Christ and we are not expected thereafter to crave any further revelation of God to our souls. We have been snared in the coils of spurious logic, which insists that ‘if we have found Him, we need no more seek Him.’ This is set before us as the last word in orthodoxy, and it is taken for granted that no Bible-taught Christian ever believed otherwise. Thus the whole testimony of the worshiping, seeking, singing church on that subject is crisply set aside. The experiential heart-theology of a grand army of fragrant saints is rejected in favor of a smug interpretation of Scripture which would certainly have sounded strange to an Augustine, a Rutherford or a Brainerd."

"In the midst of this great chill there are some, I rejoice to acknowledge, who will not be content with shallow logic. They will admit the force of the argument, and then turn away with tears to hunt some lonely place and pray, ‘O God, show me Thy glory.’ They want to taste, to touch with their hearts, to see with their inner eyes the wonder that is God."

I want more than I already have. And, to be perfectly honest, I am starting to feel shushed. I am starting to hear phrases like ‘we don’t have to ask for the presence of God, because he is everywhere, he’s already here.’ Which, of course, is true. He is already here. However, these words are not spoken with an overwhelming, awe inspired sense of reverence (which would be the result of him actually being ‘here’). Rather, they are said with a ‘smug-ish’, theoligical-ish, non-seeking, shushing kind of voice that leaves one feeling the ungrateful fool for longing for more, for thinking that if this is this all there is, then it’s not enough. I’m sure I’ll be told that I’ve lost the big picture, Jesus died and rose again, for me, do I really think I can ask for more? I’ll be told that I already have everything I need for life and godliness. Again, not with the awe and the wonder that statement should inspire, but with the ‘that settles it, now quiet down and quit asking for more’ tone. I’ll be told I’m trying to get into a room I’m already in, which is, again, true! It’s been a few years since I’ve heard these shushers. It makes me sad to hear them again.

Thing is, I am not at all satisfied with good theology. I can hear it, agree with it, be thankful for it, and still at the end of the day say ‘Well, that was nice, but … I’m hungry, where’s the food?" Maybe it’s like looking at a menu, and reading a menu, and touring the kitchen, and talking to the chef. Maybe I’m in the restaurant, but really, when can I eat? (But I’m not allowed to ask that question… it’s not polite…)
Because I have found Him, I will seek Him. Nothing else satisfies. Is good theology good at all if it doesn’t invite us into a constant quest for more?

There is a difference between God being everywhere, and God BEING HERE. I know. Because He’s BEEN HERE! I’ve been overwhelmed. I’ve been weak in the knees. I’ve trembled in the presence. I’ve tasted. I’ve seen. The Lord, He IS good. But it’s been too long since I’ve let him in. It’s been my fault. I’ve been asking with my mouth, but holding off with my heart. … too busy, too lazy, too easily shushed (I’ve tried to blame it on the shushers), too shy, that’s probably it, too shy…. He’s very intimate…

This ol' world...

2007-02-19T16:30:00.000-07:00

OK, so back to the question is it true?? Does God give you more than you can bear? The answer to this is a resounding NO!!!
What did Jesus say? "Come to me you who are weak and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
This world most definitely gives us more than we can bear. If I was able to bear my sorrows, then why would Jesus have had to bear them for me? If I was able to bear my weaknesses then, again, why would Jesus have had to bear them for me? Again it comes to the question of the will of God, and the finished work of Jesus Christ. Does most of what happens in this ol’ world reflect the will of God? I should certainly hope not. The kingdom of this world and the kingdom of heaven are absolutely not the same. This world is under the rule of someone other than God. If I wasn’t so lazy I’d look up where in the Bible it says this, but, until the return of Christ, the Prince of this world is Satan. Satan’s mission is to steal, kill, and destroy.
I think we have a confusion between the sovereignty of God and the Prince of this world. At least, certainly, I have a confusion about it. Can we say, honestly, that most of what happens in this world is not the will of God? Probably, most of us can. Look at poverty, war, crime, abuse, disease, hopelessness, …. Can we say, honestly, that most of what happens to us, individually, is or is not the will of God? Can we look at our own poverty, our own personal conflicts, the crimes and abuse (and offences) against us, our own diseases, our own depression, and say it is NOT GOD’s WILL? Not if we have a theology that says ‘everything happens for a reason’. It gets a bit tricky here. We want to believe that God is sovereign, that he won’t give us more than we can bear. We don’t want to believe that anything can happen to us that is not God’s will. We want to feel safe. We don’t want to believe that the Prince of this world, the devil, can have any influence, or any power, or any ability to steal, kill, or destroy us. But then, what would be the point of all the warnings? Be on your guard, be alert, watch out for false teachers, put on the armor.
I think we are double minded in our beliefs about Satan. For instance, do we, as Christians, believe in demons? If I asked this question straight out to a cross section of people in our church, I’m sure I would get an entire range of different, and ambiguous, and indecisive answers. There would be a lot of "Well,… (long pause) yes, I suppose…., but…….." "It’s clear from the Bible that demons exist and that Jesus, the disciples, Paul, etc. all cast them out, and we’re pretty sure that in some of those "heathen countries in Africa" there are demons, BUT, here in North America, here in Linden…..?? They don’t exist here…….no, I’m sure they don’t exist here…., well, except maybe to tempt me to sin,…. But that’s all…. , I’m pretty sure that’s all…, isn’t it?" And then quick before we get spotted, quick before our fear gets a hold of us, we bury our heads in the sand.
In the Bible, it seemed that everyone knew who was demon possessed (we hate that word, we try to find ways around that word, we use words like oppressed, afflicted, influenced, attacked…). They brought their sick and their demon possessed to Jesus to be healed (actually to be SOZO’ed, remember that word?) Also to the disciples, and to Paul, etc. Now, it seems, we have no idea who they are, or even IF they are… do we have any demon possessed? We know who the sick are, but we have doctors for that…..
I remember the time I read in Corinthians (again, too lazy to look it up) that "we are not unaware of the devil’s schemes" and I said in my mind "I am absolutely unaware of the devil’s schemes!!" To be unaware is to be vulnerable. I think one of the schemes is to keep us unaware. One of the schemes is to give new, scientific names to his work, or to disguise it as someone else’s work, or to say it’s just ‘part of life, part of living in a fallen world!’ That way he doesn’t really get the blame for it. It’s ambiguous, it’s hopeless, it’s defenseless.
One of the reasons we remain unaware is because we are also unaware of the authority we have to overcome, defend against, and defeat the works of the devil. We don’t want to learn or know about the authority because, in order to learn about it, we first need to acknowledge our need for it, and to acknowledge it - is scary. I’d rather pretend the big scary lion isn’t there, than look it in the face and tell it to leave, because, whatif… it doesn’t. Now I’ve stood up, it’s seen me, it knows I’m here (which it knew perfectly well all along) and I’ve provoked it (even though I’m not entirely sure it even exists, cause I sure wish it didn’t exist, and I hope that my wishing would make it not exist). What I do not see and recognize, because I am unaware, is that right behind me, actually right IN me, is Jesus Christ, with all the authority of heaven, seated at the right hand of God, far above all power, and rule, and authority. HE is IN me! He has GIVEN me authority. The devil, of course, knows this, and therefore conceals his identity behind much less sinister labels. When be begin to think of accusing him of being behind something, he flat out denies it, and because is the author of truth (NOT!!!) we believe him!! He is the author of lies; OF COURSE he denies it!
One day I was praying for a person who lives (or has lived) in the "Dark tunnel" of depression. I believe in my Spirit that the depression was demonic and I began praying in that respect. I prayed the scripture about Jesus being the light of the world, about being rescued out of the kingdom of darkness, about hope, about abundant life. In the name of Jesus I spoke to the demon on this persons behalf and commanded it to leave. Then I waited while someone else prayed. While I waited I could ‘hear’ (in a spiritual way) very loudly and very clearly, the devil yelling to the person being prayed for that this depression was absolutely NOT from him, that he was being falsely accused and how dare she (meaning me) suggest such a thing! This depression was all chemical, and he absolutely could not be blamed for it! Then, much more subtly, and soothingly, he began to whisper that she (meaning me) simply doesn’t understand you. She (meaning me) does not understand the complexities of this condition. You thought you were safe here, but, clearly, you are not. She (meaning me) is judging you…
As far as I know, this person was not set free that day. The father of lies won this battle, for now. I am stepping out in faith when I pray like that, and maybe I mis-stepped, maybe I jumped the gun, or maybe I just declared war. I don’t know. Maybe I planted seeds for this person to think about and chew over, about the possibility of depression being NOT God’s will, but entirely someone else’s will to steal joy and light and abundance of life.
Until the return of Christ, we are in hostile territory, but we are not defenseless. We have armor, we have weapons, we have authority. Jesus said "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." He also said his burden is light and his yoke is easy. He also said learn of me. Did you notice that? Maybe if it seems too hard, or too heavy, or too dark, maybe there is more to learn……. We have everything we need for abundant life and godliness through… our knowledge of him who called us… Maybe we need to learn for real what the will and the heart and the character of God is, so that when someone or some thing piles a burden on us, we do not call what is bad good and wrong right. Maybe we need to learn about the authority given us in Christ, so we don’t have to put up with, and fall for, or succumb to, the schemes of the devil.
We all know we are in a spiritual battlefield, we all know who the enemy is, but we don’t know what he looks like, or what he’s capable of. I’m not saying we should spend all our time studying the enemy, but we should know our God well enough to know when something IS or IS NOT of him. A banker knows a counterfeit not because he studies a counterfeit, but because he is so familiar with the real thing. A counterfeiter counts on the banker not paying attention.

every good and perfect gift...

2007-02-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

True or False? "God will not give you more than you can bear"
A woman said this to me the other day, prefaced by "I know the Bible says that…." And followed by, "but my shoulders are just not this big." One awful thing after another happens to this woman and her little family. It makes me tired just to think about what she and her family has all gone through. She is a fairly new believer and has, somewhere along the line, heard this statement that "God will not give you more than you can bear." The statement is meant to be an encouragement, but the question is, Is it true?
Another statement, meant to be an encouragement is this. "Everything happens for a reason." This statement is not written in the Bible, but is widely quoted among Christian circles. Again, same question. Is it true??
In fact, the first statement is also not recorded in the Bible. It is a misquote of 1Chorinthians 10:13 which says " No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
The first statement was said in response to yet another very scary health issue recently diagnosed by a doctor. The implication, then, is that God has given her this ‘disease’, and if she just bucks up, she’ll be able to bear it. "God will not give you…" The verse that was misquoted was actually referring to temptation to sin, not to diseases, to marriage issues, to financial difficulties, and we dare not say, especially in regard to temptation, that God gave it to us. Temptation comes, but not from God. Disease comes, but not from God. Marriage difficulties come, but not from God. You get the point.
If not from God, then, from where??
The second statement that "everything happens for a reason" also implies that God makes everything happen. At least that is what is implied by the people I hear it from. It is a take off of Romans 8:28 " And we know that in all things God works for good for those who love him, and are called according to his purpose." Another statement stemming from this verse is this; "God allows things he could prevent." These statements are true, but in my heart I believe that they are being misunderstood. The sense I get from people who are saying this is that they believe that God sends all things. There is a difference between God allowing things, and God sending things, but we are not discerning this difference. This causes a difficulty in knowing the will and the heart and the character of God. The Bible says that every good and perfect gift…. comes from God. It also says that the will of God is good and pleasing and perfect.
This goes back to my post called good is good and bad is….good?? How can something that we all agree is bad, be given to us by God? But in her statement that God will not give her more than she can bear, she is believing that God is giving her family member this disease and that he will just keep piling on the bad stuff until she’s on the very verge of cracking, and then, just make her hold it there. That is very much how it looks from her vantage point. He’s says she’s tough enough, now it’s up to her to prove it. How sad. How can she possibly hold the belief that God is good under these circumstances?
What has not entered her mind yet, is that there is an enemy, whose whole entire function is to steal, to kill, and to destroy. There are forces of evil. They are out, actively seeking those he (they) may devour.
I believe we tread very dangerously when we begin to call evil good, when we say that God gave us this disease. We are calling the work of the devil the will of God. (Of course, we’d never actually say it, but we would certainly imply it, both by what we say, and by what we don’t say.)
The devil is absolutely piling on more than she can bear. His intention is absolutely to break her. Part of his tactic is to take focus off of himself and blame the load on God, make her feel guilty for feeling so weak, and hopefully in so doing, cause her to lose her faith in the ‘so called God of love.’ We play right into his hand when we try to console her with words and implications that are not true. We think we can ignore the devil and he will go away. He won’t. Jesus response to the devil was never to ignore him. The disciples didn’t ignore him either. Nor Paul….

things too wonderful...

2007-02-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

Job speaks to God… "I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything. Nothing and no one can upset your plans.
" You asked, "Who is this muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?"
"I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me, made small talk about wonders way over my head."
I was reading through the last bit of Job this week. Job had gone through a series of devastating events in his life, things that would understandably undo just about everyone on the planet. Life’s tripping along pretty splendidly for Job when suddenly, in the span of a few weeks (?) he loses everyone in his family; murdered by marauding enemies, loses everything financially, and loses his own health, through no fault of his own. He is suddenly alone and destitute and sick. He has been faithful to God, generous, good to his neighbors, good to his family and now this….
The natural question, the one we would all ask, is why? He asks the question of God, but God remains silent. His friends however, do not. They say that things like this don’t ‘just happen’, there has to be a reason. God is just. You must have sinned. Job said he hadn’t sinned. The friends said that now he was just being arrogant, he had to have sinned or this wouldn’t be happening. They go on long explanations of who they perceive God to be. Job doesn’t budge. He gets quite personal with God, demanding an explanation. I respect that. He asks the hard questions and demands an answer. This offends the friends of Job. How dare you speak to God this way, don’t you know who he is?? You don’t demand answers from God!!! More long speeches about the sovereignty of God, the righteousness of God. Job is not swayed from his pursuit. What Job believes to be true about God, and what Job is experiencing, are not lining up and he wants to know why. Again he demands an answer from God.
Well, God does not disappoint. He answers! Boy, does he answer! He does not explain the ‘why’ of it, but he certainly explains the ‘who’ of it. If Job didn’t get how big God is before, he certainly did now! And the above is his response. "OK God, I get it. I get it that I didn’t get it before. I get it that I’ve been talking about things I can’t possibly understand, that are miles to big for me, that are too wonderful, too complex, too simple, too infinite for my tiny mind."
The thing that struck me this time through is right at the very end. God made it very clear that Jobs three friends had not spoken the truth about him (God), that they had misrepresented him (God), that they needed to repent of their wrong thinking. God did not say this about Job. Job had it right. But, even in having it right, he did not have it complete. God did not punish Job for asking the questions, or for demanding an answer. He didn’t strike him dead with a lightning bolt. In fact, he blessed him. The God of the universe, the one who is bigger than big, greater than great, stepped into Jobs world and answered him. How cool is that??!! Then he blessed him with more than he had before. Incredible!
I will continue to ask questions. I have been humbled again of late by how few answers I have. I feel I have stumbled on to a tiny glimpse of truth in regard to the God Who Heals. At the same time, I have seen where what I believe to be true, and what I experience, do not line up, and I want to know why. What I experience does not equal the Truth. This does not make the Truth not True. What it does tell me is that there is so much more that I don’t know and understand. I feel like I have my hands on a corner of a huge silk cloth that covers the universe. I have my hands on it. I can touch it, feel it, smell it, experience it, but I’ll never know the whole of it. I could fill my arms full of it, wrap myself round and round with it, but still only ever have just the tiniest part of it. The fact that I’ll never grasp the whole of it is OK with me, but I do still find myself wanting (and needing) more than I have.
I have lived at least part of my life with Jobs friends, telling me not to dare to ask questions, not to ask for more, not to demand an answer. I am learning again and again, that God is not afraid of my questions, He is not offended by them, and He is a rewarder of those who seek Him, who seek Him with all their hearts.

So where's the block?

2006-12-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

I believe that for most of us, the block is (for the most part), that we do not accept that physical healing IS included in the finished work of Jesus Christ. That it has been promised to us in the same way as freedom from sin has been. We have not “aligned” our thinking with God’s on this one subject. Mark 11:24 says this “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

This is one of my ‘mini’ revelations. “Believe I have received it”….past tense. Have received. As in, finished work. As in, already accomplished. As in “You have been given everything you need for life and godliness, through….. through what? Through our knowledge of him who called us … The physical healing we are asking for has already been bought and paid for by the ‘stripes’ and ‘bruises’ of Jesus. It is part of the ‘everything’ we need for life. We are not asking for something new. We are asking for something that was accomplished 2000 years ago. We are not being presumptuous in asking for what he’s already said was ours. I can believe that I have received/will receive healing because it has already been bought and paid for. Jesus doesn’t die again and shed his blood again when each new person receives salvation, they receive what was done 2000 years ago. Same with healing, it is not something new that needs to be done by Jesus (three more lashes for this one), it is already done. I receive it when I believe (is acknowledge a better word?) that I have received what was done for me 2000 years ago. It has been signed (in His blood), sealed (by His Spirit) and….. ?delivered? (by faith). Not an ambiguous faith in the ability of God to perform miracles, but an expectant faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ. The two are very different.

2 Peter says we have…through our knowledge. God said in Hosea 4 that His people, HIS people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. Actually destroyed. Paul asks the question a number of times…”Do you not know??” Are our lives being destroyed for lack of knowledge?? Is it possible that His people, we the church, today are sick and even dying because of our lack of knowledge? Many people think I am saying we need more faith. I don’t think I’ve ever said that. But I do think we need more (or better) knowledge. We are told to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Look up the word knowledge and it’s associates in the Strong’s Concordance to see how many references there are, read the book of Proverbs to see how God feels about knowledge.

How many times do we hear the words of regret “if only I had known….” People, after being saved, have often made the comments ‘if only I had known this earlier, what a difference it would have made in my life and the life of my kids…” It’s not like we can’t know this stuff, like we can’t find it in His Word. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Proverbs says that Wisdom calls to us on every street corner. It’s not like we can’t ask the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, who is the teacher, to teach us. We can know, and we need to. People are suffering because we don’t know our stuff. We don’t KNOW our God. We don’t KNOW what was accomplished in Jesus’ sorrow (at Gethsemane), by his stripes, his death, and his resurrection. We know bits and pieces here and there, we know parts of the TRUTH. Let’s get to know the TRUTH, the whole TRUTH, and nothing but the TRUTH.

Mark 16:15-20 He (Jesus) said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked WITH them and CONFIRMED HIS WORD by the signs that accompanied IT.

I do not claim to have a handle on the TRUTH. I will know that I have it right when the Lord works with me, and confirms His Word by the signs that accompany it. I am pursuing Him. I am ‘applying my heart to Wisdom.” I am willing to think differently.

right is right and wrong is....right??

2006-11-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

Right is right and wrong is…..right??

So it’s clear from reading that bit in Deuteronomy that disease and sickness, in God’s mind, fall on the side of curses…. We agree with this in our natural response to illness. We feel ill, so we go to the doctor and ask “what’s WRONG with me?” We use the word WRONG. We see someone dragging around at work and ask “What’s WRONG?” We never hear the words “Yeahh!!! I’m catching a cold!” or “Hurray, I’ve been diagnosed with cancer!” In our hearts we know it’s WRONG to be sick, as in, not right. Bad, as in, not good. This attitude AGREES with God. Our theology says “ask God to heal you, and if he doesn’t in 5 seconds flat (exaggerated, of course… some people are more patient) then assume that it IS His will that we be sick”. We, in essence, say that God is endorsing the bad, the wrong, the curse. That what is wrong, bad, and a curse is actually, in fact, God’s will. If the same thinking held up for the woman praying for her ugly, violent temper, and God did not deliver in 5 seconds flat, would we then assume that it is God’s will for her to be violent, to repeatedly hurt people with her anger? Of course not. We KNOW it’s God’s will for her to be holy.

Look back at Deuteronomy. What is God’s will? The blessing. What is not God’s will? The curse. Can we then, in light of this, agree without doubt that it IS God’s will to heal, and go on to ask the question “Since it is God’s will to heal, where is the block??” I am now fully convinced. I am fully convinced that it is God’s will to save. I am fully convinced that it is God’s will to redeem. I am fully convinced that it is God’s will to sanctify. I am fully convinced that it is God’s will for me to “Be holy, as I am holy”. I am fully convinced that it is God’s will to heal.

So, are all saved? Are all redeemed? Are all sanctified? Are all holy? Are all healed? Where is the block? Is it on the side of God’s will? Have you ever heard that it is not God’s will to save someone? Not his will to sanctify? Can you hear God saying “It is my strange and mysterious will to allow* this person to live in sin, it is not my will that she be holy”? Yet we say it all the time about healing. We need to stop!

Next question. Are all these words (saved, redeemed, sanctified, holy, healed) just “positional” words? “In Christ I am sanctified, therefore I can go on sinning.” That is “positional” thinking. “As long as it’s true in the spiritual sense, the physical is irrelevant.” Again, “positional” thinking. No one would accept this line of thought in regard to a sinful lifestyle, nor will I accept it in regard to healing. If what I believe does not work itself out in my physical body, then something is wrong.

* Note: God does “allow” us to live in sin, however, it is NOT because it is his will that we do so.

Consistent

2006-11-28T22:38:00.000-07:00

I told you I’d write more about the seminar I went to after I had my thoughts sorted out a bit better. But, honestly, since the seminar my mind feels like a big sheaf of paper that’s been thrown up in the air and has fallen all over the floor in random order. I have so many thoughts from so many angles, but I’m trying to put them all in order, I’m trying to find Page 1.

I still really don’t know what to make of this guys teaching. (The seminar leader was a girl, but she was teaching from the work of a guy from Georgia, from a seminar that she went to personally, and from a book that was written from transcripts of his various teaching sessions, as well as testimonials from the many, many who have been healed there.) It’s hard to refute the testimonies, as there are so many of them, but I don’t know what to say about the theology.

I finally finished his book last night. I didn’t want to say much about it until I had read it through, in case further along the line there was some key truth that I hadn’t been hearing. As I said earlier, (I think I did…?) what I was looking for when I went to the seminar was further teaching about the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, in regard to the healing of the body. I did not hear this from the classes I took, nor did I read about it in his book. So, I spent the whole time listening and looking for how the finished work, the cross work, the “by his stripes we are healed” work of Jesus, could or would fit in with his theology.

Again, I feel like I’ve only been told half the truth. There is truth in this teaching, but it is not (in my opinion) the whole TRUTH. The teaching actually has very little to do with Jesus, and much to do with Old Covenant law. Since Jesus IS the TRUTH, we absolutely can’t leave him out of it. On the other hand, since Jesus said not one stroke or letter of the old covenant would pass away, and since we know that Jesus fulfilled the law of the old covenant, and that the law was put in place to lead us to Christ, and the law was a shadow of the better things to come, would it be wise to leave it out? The Old Covenant was a good covenant, the new one is a better one. Can the New Covenant be better understood in light of the Old??

That said, this man’s foundational basis for teaching is the passage on “blessings and curses” found in Deuteronomy 28 to 30. I don’t know how often you venture into Old Testament reading, but this little bit of scripture is certainly an interesting read. I’ve read it several times before, but was struck overwhelmingly this time through, with the implications for sickness and disease. On the blessing side, there is no mention whatsoever about disease, on the curses side….., YIKES!!!

I have had some, no…, many mini-revelations regarding this, too many to write in one post, so you’ll have to stay tuned, but one thing I can say…. I am more convinced now than ever that it IS God’s will to heal, and not only to heal, but for us to be in health…. ALWAYS.

Are you not sure?? Look back to the garden of Eden… no sickness, no disease, no death…IF we can keep our hands of the apple. God’s will: choose life, health, provision. Not God’s will: choose death, independence, disobedience. Look at the nation of Isreal (here in Deuteronomy)…. God’s will: CHOOSE LIFE. Not God’s will: choose death. All through the prophets…. God’s will: choose life. Not God’s will: choose death, bondage, disease. All through Jesus life on earth… God’s will: heal everyone who came to him. Eternal life?? God’s will: choose LIFE, choose Jesus, it is God’s will that all should be saved. Not God’s will: that any should perish. Look at heaven…. God’s will: no sickness, no disease, no death. Consistent to the end of time. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever……

Some questions to ponder

2006-11-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

1. Do I believe that the name of God reveals his heart, his character, his nature, and his will??

Example: God’s name is Redeemer: therefore it is in his heart, it is his character, it is his nature, and it is his WILL to redeem….ALWAYS.

Example two: God’s name is Healer: therefore it is in his heart, it is his character, it is his nature, and it is his WILL to heal….ALWAYS.

If one is true, then the other must be true as well. Is it ever God’s will, character, nature and will NOT to Redeem??

2. Do I believe that the word saved is SOZO, which means saved, redeemed, rescued, preserved, made to do well, healed, delivered, protected, made whole?

3. Do I believe that grace is not a warm fuzzy feeling I get when God ‘overlooks’ my sin, but rather is God’s strength and ability to do, in me, what I am unable to do in my own ability? Ie. Make me righteous, and holy and blameless? God did not, has never, and never will ‘overlook’ my sin. Each and every one of my sins has been paid for by his Son, Jesus Christ.

That said… do I believe that I need to confess my sin? If Jesus has already paid for my sin, and God has already forgiven my sin…then do I still need to confess my sin??

Let me ask it a different way? Do I believe that sin has the power to keep me in bondage, even after I have accepted God’s gift of salvation? Well, my answer is a solid, Yes, and NO! That’s decisive… I don’t believe it actually HAS the power, because we died to sin, according to the word of God. I believe I choose the sin again, through my unbelief, or my wrong belief, and end up again, in bondage.

I choose it for one of two reasons. One, because I believe it is powerful, and I have no power to overcome it, I feel it is inevitable. A defeatist attitude, and a wrong belief. Two, because I want to, because I don’t believe it’s bad, or harmful, or addictive, or wrong, and besides…nobody’s perfect. A rebellious attitude. I will not be delivered of this sin until I ‘come into agreement’ with God about it. When I come into agreement with God, I am confessing that I have been wrong all along, and He has been right. I have repented, I have changed my thinking. My forgiveness occurred at salvation, but my deliverance occurs at my repentance.

So the question remains, do I need to confess my sin? Only if I want to be free of it…. Question is…do I want to be free of the sin, or only of the consequences of the sin? The consequences of sin are many and varied. I know people who pray and pray and pray for their marriage to be healed and restored, all the while never coming into agreement with God about the sin that is causing the tension in the marriage. I want to keep the sin, and lose the consequence. What do you think God should do with this? Will he heal the marriage and leave the sin? Will that same sin not have them in the same horrible place again in a matter of days??

Many people are not delivered of sin, nor of the consequences of sin because they have never come into agreement with God, they have never repented, they have never confessed. They have prayed and prayed about the consequences… More than likely they have come to the (false) conclusion that God does not answer prayer, that God does not care, that somehow, for some mysterious and unknown reason, it is God’s will that there be strife in this home. They will have to learn to live with it.

Jesus’ name is the “Prince of Peace.” Can we believe that it is God’s will to have strife, or is it His will that there be Peace in the home, ALWAYS?

If...

2006-11-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

If…

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14

If…my people (who?) my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves….

A few posts back I wrote about repenting; changing my thinking. Did you know that the root of the word repent has similar connections to the word metamorphosis? Like a caterpillar to a butterfly. Like an earthbound, ordinary creature, to a beautiful, flying, graceful creature. It is also similar to the word transform, which brings in the idea of not conforming any longer to the pattern (of thought?) of this world but being transformed by the renewing (the changing) of my mind. What is being transformed? MY LIFE…my physical here and now! My everything!

The God I believe in is into TRANSFORMATION in the here and now! Beauty for ashes, gladness instead of despair, healing for sickness …forget not ALL his benefits…. Psalm 103

Repentance: bringing my thinking into line with the word, the heart, the will, of God. Do I, in my every day, acknowledge that many, many of my thoughts are perfectly conformed to the pattern (of hopelessness) of this world and desperately in need of transformation? Do I have a teachable spirit…or do I know all that I need to know already? Do I take every thought captive and MAKE it obedient to the knowledge of Christ? Or, when confronted with something that does not line up, do I hide behind the words that “God is sovereign, and I can’t possibly understand or know his will.” If I were a cartoon character, I would bow my head, fold my hands, and twist my toe in the dirt, looking helpless, vulnerable, and insecure, then sigh and say, “This is just the cross I have to bear.” I did say HIDE…

Why is it that, even though God has REVEALED himself in his word, even though all creation DECLARES him, even though he perfectly, and exactly REPRESENTED himself in the life of Jesus Christ, even though he SAID that if we presented our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God and refused to conform any longer to the pattern (of thinking?) of this world, and were transformed by the renewing of our minds that we would (….get this!!) KNOW THE WILL OF GOD, HIS GOOD AND PLEASING AND PERFECT WILL, …why is it that we will still stand, defend, and die on the hill that we “can’t possibly KNOW the will of God on the subject of healing.” Why is it that we cannot (or is it WILL not) say with certainty that it IS God’s will to heal?

Two reasons come to mind…, well, more than that, but…

One: because there are sooooo many sick people
Two: because we do not (contrary to scripture) BELIEVE that physical healing is included in the finished work of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we haven’t been taught it, and we don’t believe it
Three: because of the IF….

We stand on our high horse and say… “God said it, that settles it,” BUT…in the next breath we say, “I know God said ‘he heals ALL my diseases,’ but I look around and I just don’t see it…” “I know He said that “by His stripes we ARE healed,’ but, I just don’t buy it.” We say “I cannot know the will of God”, even though His word says we can. I am choosing, at that point, unbelief. I am choosing sin. (If I say I am without sin I am a liar, and the truth is not in me, but if I confess my sin, He is faithful and just and will forgive my sin, and purify me of all unrighteousness) I am choosing not to humble myself. (God will not humble me. He will oppose me, but he will not humble me. I have to humble myself, by confessing my unbelief.) I am choosing not to renew my mind, I am choosing not to bring my thinking into line with God’s. I am choosing my view and my opinion over the very Word of God. I am choosing to go with what I see and what I feel. Where’s the hope in that?? Where’s the “Good News”??

“Repent, for the kingdom of God is near”

If my people…..

PS… Please…… take this to Jesus and ask him if it’s true…. I know that I’m coming on strong. I don’t know how to water this down…, how to be more gentle. “Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.” 3John 2:2 I am not looking to condemn, but to free.

Nov.12.06

The Quest

2006-11-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

My poor brain is in an uproar!! I’ve been asking lots of questions, as you know. I’ve been praying and seeking God for wisdom and revelation of the TRUTH. Recently I stumbled across the opportunity to go to a “seminar” on Biblical healing. The slogan went something like this…”are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Find out how you can never be sick and tired again!” I had, just the week before, been to an evening ‘seminar on healing’ which turned out to be basically a two hour long info-mercial to sign me up on a long term diet and exercise program guaranteed to ‘maintain the temple’ (my body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit), which would in turn, prevent disease. (That is my exaggerated, sarcastic, synopsis of the seminar. The man’s heart was very genuine, and I do believe that healthy living plays a role in preventing disease) but that is sooooo not what I was hoping for. The teaching had NOTHING to do with Jesus. You could have taught these same principals to an atheist, with the same results.

Needless to say, I was skeptical, then, of this new ‘seminar.’ A friend of mine (on a similar quest) called the church for info. The receptionist there knew very little about the actual course, so gave her the phone number of the lady teaching it. I phoned the lady and asked her point blank if she was going to ask me to sign up for diet and exercise or if this was about Biblical healing. The woman was amazing. She was so full of the joy and excitement of all the things she had been set free of, of the miracles she had seen, that have happened in her own family, all because of understanding simple Biblical principals and the heart of God! I could hardly get her off the phone, nor did I want to get her off the phone…she was pumped! She wasn’t some flashy, razzle-dazzle, preacher person with slogans. She wasn’t a “repeat after me mindlessly and all your problems will be solved.’ She wasn’t a ‘name it and claim it’. She was just a lady, with an ordinary job, and an ordinary life, who was so pumped up about what she’d been learning that she wanted to share it with the world! My friend and I signed up.

Turns out only one other lady signed up…so it was the four of us. Perfect….that means I can ask my many hundreds of questions….

Now my brain is on overload. This will take a long time to sort through, so I’ll write about it in bits…and reserve the right to go back and reprocess. There are a lot of ‘ifs, ands, and buts’ in my thinking right now….

Man of Sorrows

2006-11-06T23:06:00.000-07:00

He was a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering… Surely he has bourne our sorrows…Isaiah 53

Did you ever wonder what exactly happened at the Garden of Gethsemane? In Matthew 26 it says “and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death…”” Mark says, “…he began to be deeply distressed and troubled.” Luke says, “And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” It seems to me the KJV says he actually sweat drops of blood.

What do you suppose (or what have you commonly thought) he was troubled about? Overwhelmed to the point of death, deeply distressed, in anguish…these are big words. They are deep, core of my being kind of words. My common thoughts (if I ever thought about it) were to do with him anticipating the pain of the cross. Other teachers brought to mind the aspect, the anticipation, of being rejected by his father. But lately I’ve been thinking, and believing something different.

If it was his own pain, and his own rejection that was causing him sorrow, trouble, distress and anguish…it would be the first time in his life that he indulged his own self. I know, that is a sweeping statement, not well researched, but think about it. I don’t think he was feeling sorry for himself and the language used doesn’t indicate he was afraid. Although the sheer weight of it did have him asking if there may be any other way, he never thought of backing out, of saying we weren’t worth it.

Isaiah says ‘he bore our sorrows’. Imagine the amount of sorrow in your own lifetime…now compress that into a span of, say, six hours, then multiply it by, say 10 billion people…now that is overwhelming sorrow…that is deep distress…that is anguish.

We often say that he took all of our sin and guilt and shame. We don’t very often say, or even think about, that he carried all of our sorrows, all of our pain, all of our rejection, all of our dashed hopes.

When we hear that someone is carrying a load of guilt, we are quick to say that they can lay it all down, they don’t need to carry it any longer, because Jesus already handled that on the cross. It is finished.

Do we also, when we see someone lost in their sorrow, or we ourselves are lost in the tragedies of the past, or the fears of the future, say with equal assurance that we can lay our sorrows down, in the Garden of Gethsemane, because ‘surely he has bourne’ them already?

We sing a song (usually with great volume and gusto) that says, “I’m trading my sorrows for the joy of the Lord.” Do we mean it? Are we willing to lay those things down? Sometimes large parts of our identity are wrapped up in the sorrows, the disappointments, the tragedies of our lives. Who would we be without, say, the disapproval of our fathers? (Insert your own personal pain here…) How deep does this go? How much would change if I would truly lay my sorrows at Jesus feet? These are ‘core of my being’ kind of questions…

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, release from darkness for the prisoners…. To comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”

Does it sound like a good trade??

Wholeness for broken-ness
Freedom for captivity
Light for darkness
Comfort for mourning
Beauty for ashes
Gladness for mourning
Praise for despair
Abundant life for depression and hopelessness
Love for unlove
Acceptance for rejection
Peace for turmoil
Security for fear

Surely he HAS bourne our sorrows…at Gethsemane.

kingdom

2006-10-22T22:11:00.000-06:00

"Repent, for the kingdom of God is near"

Definition of repent: to change your thinking, to think differently, to bring your thinking into line with God's; possibly, but not necessarily, associated with a feeling of remorse for having previously thought differently.

Why? "for the kingdom of God is near." What is the kingdom of God?? It is the world as God intended. It is the world under God's authority, under His benevolence, under His provision, under His loving care. It is completely contrary to the 'pattern of this world,' which is ruled by the 'prince of this world' a.k.a. the devil. We have been rescued out of the 'dominion of darkness' and brought into the kingdom of His son, whom He loves.

Where is the kingdom of God? "The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'Here it is' or 'There it is', because the kingdom of God is within you."

Our Father, who is in Heaven, hallowed, honored, revered, respected, be your name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done....where? On earth...in me, while here on earth,...as it is in Heaven....

...ever wonder what God's will is. Think about the only place in the universe where God's will is always done. In Heaven. Jesus told us to ask for God's will to be done in our lives as it is in Heaven. So what's heaven like, anyway?? Hmmm....

Think differently, about everything, because the kingdom of God is soooooo close, in fact it's soooo close that it's actually inside of you....the Kingdom of God is inside me, the Authority of God, is inside me, the benevolence of God, is inside me, the loving care of God, is inside of me, the peace of God that passes understanding, is inside of me. It's soooo close....only believe... only think differently!

It's only a paradigm shift away....

the title deed

2006-10-22T20:12:00.000-06:00

Some of you know that I work in a vehicle registry office; you know, license plates, driver's license, etc. It's very interesting work. I like it alot, partly because it is challenging, and mostly because it is a 'people' oriented job. If people don't walk in the door, I have nothing to do. I don't do endless hours of paperwork, alone in a cubicle...I serve people.

One thing that people often don't understand, when they come into my office, is that it is also a job of 'legalities'. There are a number of things that I always need before I can help someone, and that is proof of identification, and proof of ownership. They don't always understand that what they are asking me to produce is a legal document, which must be supported by other legal documents. They think they can just 'say' they bought a truck from Joe Blow down the street, and I will happily just produce them a legal document that proves it. That is not the way it works. The custormer has to provide me with legal proof of ownership, before I can provide them with legal registration of ownership, (which then becomes another form of legal proof of ownership). Blah, blah, blah, who cares...right?

Well, something struck me about this the other day, and that is that a written piece of paper, with a couple of signatures and some pertinent information on it, is enough for me to believe with absolute certainty that this vehicle actually exists. I never ever need to physically go outside and look to see if the vehicle actually exists. I never need to phone around and ask people if Joe Blow actually bought this car. I need no physical evidence whatsoever, beyond the written word. Interesting, don't you think? If I were to doubt the piece of paper, and the integrity of the one who signed it, I may ask to see the proof. I would ask to see the car. Now that person may say, "I cannot show it to you at this time, it is currently parked at home." I would have further fuel for my suspicions, that this vehicle does not, in reality, exist. But then, I would have overstepped my bounds. It is my job to trust the piece of paper, and also, the integrity of the one who signed it.

Do you see where I am going with this?? There is a phrase going around in Christian circles that says, "God said it, I believe it, that settles it." A wise man I know edits it down to say this, "God said it, that settles it." Whatif...I think of the promises, the principals, and the character of God as my 'title document." The Bible is my title document. God wrote it, and signed it in the blood of his Son, Jesus. I have no right to doubt either the document, or the intergrity of the one who signed it, based on what I see, or what I do not see. God said it, that settles it.

Too often we go through life saying that "I know God says he loves me...but, I just don't feel it," "I know He says it is not Him who condemns, that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,...but I just feel so guilty" "I know he said he forgives all my sins..., but, He doesn't know what I did last night, He won't forgive me for that...", " I know he said he heals all my diseases..., but, I just don't see it", "I know He said that 'by His stripes we are healed'..., but, I just don't buy it," " I know I have the title deed, that you signed with your own blood...,but, I'm gonna go with what I see and what I feel." "I know you said it...,but, that doesn't settle it." Oh me of little faith...

Please God let me walk by faith and not by sight. Please God, don't let me overstep my bounds. Please God don't let me doubt your integrity, your character, your heart. Please God give me faith.

message received

2006-10-13T08:36:00.000-06:00

So, here’s what I’ve been wondering about lately. I’m not through thinking it through, but writing helps, so here goes…

Growing up in an evangelical church all my life, having Christian parents, reading Christian books, hearing Christian music, etc., etc. I’ve pretty much always known how to get “saved”. By saved, in this paragraph, I mean have my sins forgiven and be assured of going to heaven when I die. I knew that to be “saved” I needed to be ‘born again’, which in practical terms means that I needed to acknowledge (even though only on a very superficial level) that Jesus had died for my sins, and ‘receive’ Him into ‘my heart’.

I was five when I ‘received’ Him into ‘my heart’ and it was a very real experience for me. I didn’t even know about the “Jesus died for my sins part.” I just had this sense of safety and love and acceptance from Jesus whenever my mom or dad would pray with me at bed-time. It was definitely from Jesus and I mentioned this to my mom. She said I could have that feeling, that sense all the time if I invited Jesus into my heart. So I did.

I learned about the dying part when I was ten, and was mortified! My Jesus…MY Jesus was crucified?? That’s horrible! How could they do that?? What’s that you’re saying? You’re saying that my sin, MY sin put him there? He died for MY sin?? It was very traumatic for me. Very real. That was my first time hearing the concept that one needs to accept Jesus as “Lord.” Which I did (although only on a very superficial level.)

You’ve heard that before, right?? The distinction between accepting Jesus as Saviour, and accepting Jesus as Lord? We all talk about the difference between simply (as if there’s anything simple about it) being saved from hell when I die, and being saved from the ‘hell’ here on earth. We talk about it in terms of ‘salvation’ being a one-time contract that God makes with us. We accept him as Saviour…he takes us to heaven when we die. Simple as that. Jesus’ blood covered/paid the penalty for our sins. It’s a done deal. It’s good news.

But it doesn’t take long before ‘pie in the sky by and by’ is just a long way off, and it’s just not much help in the here and now. Life’s messy in the here and now. I prove to myself over and over again that I can’t cut the mustard, so to speak. I can’t meet the standards that I set for myself. I fail myself, and others (and supposedly God) over and over.

The answer to this problem has already long ago been solved, but I am not aware. So I begin to hear things about accepting Jesus as Lord. Unfortunately many of these messages were heard along with an unhealthy load of ‘trying harder’ and ‘feeling remorse,’ but the underlying truth about accepting Jesus as Lord was there. We call it something different now. We call it ‘abiding in Christ.’ THANKFULLY we’ve left off most of the ‘trying harder’ and the ‘feeling remorse’ and are learning to ‘let go and let God,’ to allow the life of Christ to live through us.

Now, it used to be that accepting Christ as Lord was presented sort of as a one-time commitment that I made to God. Christ as Saviour was God’s commitment to me…Christ as Lord was my commitment to Him. It was meant to be a one-time thing, but, since I sucked,…I’d have to do it many times. I, personally, was very fortunate to have wonderful ‘abiding in Christ’ type parents, so I never really bought into the whole ‘my commitment to Him’ type teaching. But I heard it. Many, MANY times.

I don’t look at it as being a commitment at all, at least not on my part. Again it is Jesus’ commitment to me. IF I will let Him, He WILL live His life through me. He will love through me, he will forgive through me, he will be (BE) my joy, my peace, my patience, my hope, even my obedience. IF I will ‘receive’ Him as Lord. Receive. Believe. Accept. If I will dare to believe that this is TRUE, that Jesus didn’t intend us to go it alone, to tough it out till heaven, then life in the here and now will be different for me. IF I believe the TRUTH then I will be free. Free from sin, free from the law, free from the tyranny of self, free from worry, free from guilt, free from fear.

So now, I have really ‘received Christ’ twice. Once as Saviour, once as Lord. Right?? Or not?? (this is getting long) Can the answer be both yes and no? When I receive Jesus, I get the whole deal, but…I am unaware. I received what was presented to me. Escape from hell, forgiveness of sin, is what was presented…I received it. Escape from ‘hell on earth,’ life in Christ, is what was presented…I received it. I did not experience either thing until it was first: presented, and second: received. I did get everything when I asked Jesus into my heart. But I still don’t know what “everything’ is. I believe there are things about the finished work of Christ, about the everything, that have not yet been ‘presented’ to me.

Do you think it possible that I will have the privilege of ‘receiving Christ’ a third time? For it is truly a privilege. Say, maybe, as Healer?? Do you think that maybe the same process of being ‘presented’ with the TRUTH, processing it, thinking on it, being offended by it, rejecting it, hearing it again, processing, thinking, doubting, hearing, praying, and asking, finally meets with faith so I can ‘receive’ Christ as Healer? Did we not go through this whole process before we ‘received’ Christ as Saviour, and again before we received Him as Lord. Why wouldn’t it be the same to receive Christ as Healer? Was the process, the questioning, the doubting, the toomanywhatifs… worth it the first two times?

“Now faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” But how can they hear unless someone tells them??

snowed under

2006-09-25T09:04:00.000-06:00

"How many blessed truths have gotten snowed under. People believe them, but they are just not being taught, that is all. Here was a man and his wife, a very fine intelligent couple from another city. They named the church to which they belonged, and I instantly said, "That is a fine church!"

'"Oh, yes," they said, "but they don't teach what we came over here for." They come over because they were ill and wanted to be scripturally anointed for healing. So I got together two missionaries, two preachers and an elder, and we anointed them and prayed for them. If you were to go to that church where they attended and say to the preacher, "Do you believe that the Lord answers prayer and heals the sick?" he would reply, "Sure, I do!" He believes it, but he doesn't teach it, and what you don't believe strongly enough to teach doesn't do you any good."

A.W. Tozer

OK, that was weird!

2006-09-23T16:42:00.000-06:00

So... I tried posting the "either/or" post and it didn't seem like it was working, so I clicked publish post again. It goes to the screen with the little dial and says it X% finished posting...then 100%...you know... So I go to look at it...make sure it's good and stuff and there, about halfway through my post is a picture of a woman I've never seen before and a lovely little paragraph in French. The rest of my post is no where to be seen. Weird huh?? I deleted it. I should have left it on. I wonder if she got the rest of my post?? I wonder if she 'views blog'? before she walks away? Good thing I learned how to save in Word first.

either/or type God??

2006-09-23T16:32:00.000-06:00

I’m so excited!!

Since about May or maybe June this year I’ve been praying and asking God for direction about something. Tuesday I finally got my answer… and I love it!

A few years back, hubby and I had the opportunity to take an evening course called the Alpha Course. If you’ve haven’t heard about it…look it up on Google or something. It’s awesome. Take the course if you possibly can. It’s a ‘from the beginning’ type course on Christianity. “Alpha,” being the first letter of the alphabet, it stands for beginners. The only thing this course assumes is that a) you have a brain, and, b) you have questions about God and Jesus and Christianity.

Anyway, we were completely and totally impressed. We’ve been long time Christians but neither of us had ever heard such a wonderfully comprehensive, yet simple and all inclusive explanation of the Good News of Jesus Christ. Of course, it only just breaks the surface of the amazing depths there are in knowing relationship with God, but it does it so well.

After taking the course once we both felt that we’d like to become facilitators (small discussion group leaders). We did this several times…six times, maybe. The thing about the Alpha course is, that you’re not meant to take it over and over and over, but the bonds, and the friendships formed in these small group discussions are surprisingly strong, and there is a sense of loss at the end of the course if you don’t continue to meet.

The vision of the people who spear head this thing is that once you’ve taken the course, you’ll ‘help’ lead the next time, ‘lead’ the third time, and then invite you’re group home or whatever to continue discovering ‘life in Christ’. If all goes well, there will be a continuous supply of new people to keep running the course.

Eventually, hubby and I realized that some of the people who were taking the course over and over, were not really doing so because they loved the course so much, but because they loved the people. They loved being able to talk about this new ‘relationship’ thing with someone who understands. They love not being made to feel stupid when they asked a question about something they didn’t understand. The down side to this comfort, and familiarity though, is that someone new coming in, would feel like they were the ‘new guy coming in’. We decided to invite this comfortable, familiar group of people to our home to start a ‘Care Group’.

This was a very good idea. Wonderful actually. Even though it has been both good and wonderful, however, in May I started to feel restless. I started to miss the ‘leading edge’ sort of feeling I had at the Alpha Course. I love meeting new people. I love watching people hear for the first time that God actually loves them. I love watching people ‘get’ that Jesus is about relationship, not rules; friendship, not religion. I love seeing people that I’ve prayed for for years come through the doors to the first meeting and trying to make them feel at ease.

So I started asking God about it. Lead the care group? Or start another Alpha Course? No answer. Just restless. More asking…more waiting. Our care group naturally took a break over the summer, so I asked the gang to pray for us, that we would make the right decision. I heard someone say once that “good” is the enemy of ‘best”. So even though the care group was a ‘good’ thing…it may not be the ‘best’ thing.

All summer long I was still hungry for the Alpha thing, but hubby was much more inclined to stay with the care group, and definitely not interested in doing both. So, I took my cue from him. I called up the group and told them we were ready to go again. Again I prayed. If we’re going to meet for a year, and I’m meant to ‘lead’ people to a deeper understanding of the grace of God, and His relationship with them, then I needed a plan, a vision, a book, …something. Again, no answer. Meanwhile, three of our people inform me they can no longer come. Hmm…room for more! More praying. A random conversation with a guy asking if I knew of any small groups that were meeting where he and his new wife could learn about God. Well, actually, yes I do know of a group…why don’t you come to ours? I don’t really know this guy or his wife except to smile at them in the coffee line at church. They agree to come, oh, and by the way…can they bring a friend? Absolutely. Also, long time groupie has a girl friend who has always worked nights, who now does not work nights and also wants to come to our care group. Wonderful!

More praying…still no idea what to study, what to plan. Tuesday night comes, the house fills with people, hugs all around like a long lost reunion of very close friends. Newbies are greeted and made to feel welcome. Still no plan. I know! I’ll just ask a few ‘non-threatening’ questions around the group to get to know each other. Good plan… Turns out that one of my questions was not so ‘safe’. One of the newbies was brave enough to share something really vulnerable. It always surprises me how willing people are to bare their souls when they feel it’s safe to do so. After about an hour of wonderful conversation, including both laughter and tears, one of the girls said she was so relieved that we had chosen to stick with the care group. She’d been afraid we’d go off to do Alpha again, cause we’re both so wired that way. The word Alpha came up and the whole room was a-buzz. One couple said that if we’d done Alpha again, they would have come again. They had already talked about it. The girlfriend of the long-time guy said she’d always wanted to do Alpha, but her former late shift work made it not possible. The newbies asked “what’s Alpha?” to which, all of the long-timers responded with glowing endorsements. Eventually the girlfriend of the long-time guy couldn’t take it anymore. She asked if we couldn’t please take the Alpha Course here in the care group?

My heart soared. Isn’t that just like God? I think I have to choose between two really good things, and He says “Here you go, you can have both! It’ll be all good!” I always feel like He’s an ‘either/or’ type God, but He’s not. He’s a ‘you can have it all’ kind of God. How fun!

Puppies

2006-09-18T17:08:00.000-06:00

So, we had our first litter of puppies. July 13 was the big day. Five little fur balls. I've never seen newborn puppies before, so that was pretty cool. The mom has been a very good mom. Thank goodness no health problems or vet bills.

They turn 9 weeks old on Thursday, so we figure it's time to put them up for sale. An ad in the Herald, and on in the bargain finder, a web-site with pictures ought to do it. So we get a call yesterday from a guy who just has to have the little black female. He's from Saskatoon. He'll pay airfare. Airfare??? Excuse me?? Yikes! $100 bucks for the airfare, $50 for the kennel, another trip to the vet to make sure it's "safe for travel". Between vet and airport and pet store, about 5 hours on the road. How far is it to Saskatoon??

We're asking him if he'll meet us half-way....

Today I get a call from a couple in Calgary. Guess which puppy they want....the little black female!! What's up with that?? I told them she was spoken for and they came out anyway...but without any money (don't want to make a snap decision, you know)...to see if there was a second best. They couldn't agree on one, so are driving back home to think about it. An hour here, and an hour back...twice. They're hoping the airfare guy will bale out in the mean time, cause they just love the little black female.

Wonder how long it'll take to sell five puppies....

2006-09-18T09:18:00.000-06:00

Monday morning, heh? I'm feeling very random at the moment, very undisciplined. There are many things I should be doing, most of which I don't want to do, or which are not pressing enough for me to buckle down to. I came into the office because the desks in here are unusable, due to the clutter and disorganization...but no one really piles stuff up on the keyboard...so it's usually good to go. I was gonna just 'quick check the e-mail', and then the blogs, and now this...

It froze really hard last night, which, for a gardener, should be a very sad thing. The thing is that this year my garden never really did much of anything spectacular. The perennnials bloomed out way too fast because it was so incredibly hot, and there was so little rain. And the annuals, who usually like it hot...just never took off this year. The last few years I've started my own plants inside and in my little greenhouse, but this year I bought them all...and they just never, ever looked good. So actually, now, I'm kindof glad it froze. When it gets a little warmer out today I'll go out and start cleaning stuff up. Usually I cover stuff night after night until it finally snows on the stuff and then I clean it up in spring. It might be nice to have it cleaned up in fall...

I'm really struggling with apathy these last few months.... Apathy sucks. I said in the last post I'd tell you what I had learned about myself...but that's part of the problem, right there. I've been focused way too much on myself of late. Self is a really hard master. I've learned that my thoughts, my reactions, my behaviour of late have been heavily salted with selfishness... It's getting old. It's a very negative place to be, even though so much in my life right now is positive.

I think I should go get some work done...and there are some books on this desk of mine that look interesting...that are calling my name...Will I work, or will I read?? Guess we'll see....

anti-virus blues

2006-09-11T15:34:00.000-06:00

Whatever happened to the 'long dog-days of summer," what happened to afternoon naps, to suntanning for hours and reading books? These were some of the fringe benefits of being a full time stay at home mom. I could actually have all the housework done, the laundry done, and a bowl of yeast dough rising on the counter while I lay spawled across the bed in a blissful time of sweet unconciousness. Not that I really cared if the housework was done - never been real good at that. Maybe that's what's changed. Maybe now I have a harder time napping, or reading, or whatever when the work's not all done...and I'm discovering again, for the thousandth time that really, the work is never all done.

I'm longing for a nap today, but actually, I'm writing instead...what's up with that? I fell asleep on the couch last night at 11. Then my eldest came home at 11:30 and woke me, which is OK, then I dozed off again for like 2 minutes...you know...the really, really dopey kind of dozing off, when I vaguely heard my youngest calling me from the computer downstairs. Apparently 11:35pm. is the imperitive time in which I must re-subscribe to my anti-virus program which had been (un-be-knownst to me) expired since the middle of August. Have you ever had to subscribe to an anti-virus program? Of course you have...you have a computer after all... Is it difficult to do when you're fully awake? Cause it sure is tricky when you're half asleep. We got about half way into it, between internet gliches, computer freeze-ups, shut downs and re-starts when my youngest hits the shut down button and declares that she doesn't have time for this and needs to go to sleep! (That would have been a good idea half an hour ago) I, however, feel that I have too much invested in this process. I've read probably twenty screens of information that I'm lucky if I understand 20% of, and feel it can't be long now...I'll just finish it up. It took me a full hour and a half. If you do the math correctly that puts me ready for bed a little after 1a.m.. Add to that that it's cold downstairs and I must have been a lovely deep shade of blue by the time I came upstairs and it took nearly an hour for me to warm up enough to fall asleep.

So, I'm tired, and I'm feeling sorry for myself...and, I've learned something about myself, which I will write more about in a later post, 'cause...I'm tired, and I'm not typing very well, and the laundry's not done, and I don't know what to make for supper....and....

enough??

2006-05-27T13:01:00.000-06:00

It occurs to me that even great writers, even perfect books, like the Bible, have been misquoted, misunderstood, and taken out of context, therefore it should not surprise me to find that my own writing is being misunderstood. It occurs to me that people may be reading only one or two entries of mine, and drawing conclusions that they likely wouldn’t draw if they had read every entry from the start of my blog. I am painfully aware of the limitations of the written word, which lacks tone of voice, expressions on the face, verbal interaction from the hearer, dialog. What I write with the utmost sincerity, with compassion, with love, can be read completely differently.

I recently read a book that I thought was wonderful, so informative, so hands-on, so exactly what I was trying to learn. Someone asked me what I’d been learning, what was getting me excited. Of course, I told him all the stuff I had learned from this book, which was basically just confirming, clarifying, and practical-izing (is that a word??), something I’d already been learning from the Spirit and the Word. He said he’d like to read it, so I leant it to him. What he read was completely different, somehow. It wasn’t at all encouraging to him.

People often say “Jesus is the answer!” to which other people reply…”What was the question??” I think that this applies here. If you, deep down in your heart are not asking the same questions as I am, then the answers will seem irrelevant. The reason the book was so exciting for me is because I’d been asking exactly those questions that the author was responding to. The reason my friend wanted the book (I think) is cause I was so jacked up about it, but when he actually started reading it he went “you know what…right now, I just don’t care about this, ….this is not the question I’m asking right now.” This is perfectly OK. Everyone is asking different questions at different times. It’s cool when people are asking the same questions as me, cause then we can dialog. We can learn from each other. The fact that you are not asking this particular question right now, and that you don’t care about the answer, though, does not make the answer wrong. Jesus IS the answer, no matter what the question, even if you don’t care. Do you get what I’m saying?? I’m not sure I get what I’m saying…

I’ve been getting a certain amount of response to my writing saying that I am writing about having ENOUGH faith. If this is what I’ve been writing about, then I have been misrepresenting my own beliefs. I think if you went back through my archives and read every post, you would not find the words ENOUGH faith, or MORE faith anywhere in it. If it’s there, I should recant it. What I HAVE said, over and over again, is that we need to have faith in what is TRUE. I like the saying that “Jesus is the TRUTH and everything else is not the TRUTH.” All I know is that there is an awful lot of ‘not the TRUTH’ that I have bought into in my life time. There are ‘not the TRUTH’ things that nearly every person I knew believed at one time, such as….”you can lose your salvation at the drop of a hat” type beliefs. TRUE?? No. Widely believed?? Yes. Did I feel like I was going against the flow when I started to believe differently? Absolutely! Was it worth it?? Definitely.

If I was a student in a school, studying psychology (which I may end up doing some day….) I would almost certainly take a few classes on ‘post-modernism’, the study of widely held patterns of thinking. At least I think that’s what it is…? Not that every individual in a large populous believes exactly the same thing…but that, on the whole, most people believe or feel ‘this way’ about ‘this thing’. For example…centuries ago they used to hold ‘witch hunts’ and execute anyone even suspected of being a witch. Today (or at least a few years ago) the popular sentiment is that a witch is a cute little girl dressed up in a pointy black hat and pasting fake warts on her nose…, or a funny little cartoon character who rides around on broom sticks. A radical shift in popular belief. Another example: divorcee’s. It used to be widely acceptable to completely shun, look down the nose at, gossip about, and regard as filthy, a woman who was divorced. Now, at least in our culture, most (not all, unfortunately) people see divorcee’s as deeply wounded individuals in need of our love and our compassion, or at the very least, as the woman next door, and next, next door, not all that different from me.

These widely held beliefs (or patterns of thought) are constantly shifting. What I thought once, I don’t think any longer. I have changed my thinking. The Bible word for changing my thinking is called repentance. Repentance may bring with it a certain sense of remorse for what I thought and did in the past, or what I missed out on, but what Biblical repentance always brings about is Freedom. Bringing my thoughts into line with the TRUTH brings freedom. Paul tells me not to conform to the pattern (of thought?) of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. He tells me to take captive every thought and make it obedient to the KNOWLEDGE of CHRIST. CHRIST is the TRUTH, and the TRUTH sets me free. Faith does not set me free…TRUTH does, by faith.

I believe that our (widely accepted) beliefs about healing are heavily influenced by the ‘pattern (of thought) of this world’. I believe that we do not make every thought - with regard to healing - obedient to the KNOWLEDGE of CHRIST. I believe that our experience would be vastly different if we did.

Again…lot’s more to say….. Remember what I said about giving me the floor??

I'm a little afraid...

2006-05-26T08:52:00.000-06:00

For the first time in...possibly forever...I am in agreement with the American public!! Congratulations Taylor, the newest American Idol!

2006-05-14T19:44:00.000-06:00

"Jesus, you're all this heart is living for...." I sang those words this morning in church. I so want them to be true. But, truth be told...the approval of my peers, well, not necessarily my peers, but the people I love, respect, care about deeply, means a lot to me. Too much, probably, to say that Jesus is ALL I'm living for. I wonder if Jesus was ever tempted just to maintain "status quo," to fly under the radar, to keep his mouth shut. I'm certainly tempted by that. What was it that constantly propelled him to stir the pot, to be contravertial, even confrontational? I think it's 'cause he knew without a doubt that the TRUTH would set us FREE.

In the interest of FREEDOM, I'm gonna take another kick at the can. What I write may not be the TRUTH (as in the whole truth and nothing but the truth), but I hope there are at least elements of truth in what I've been learning. I'm asking the Spirit of Truth to teach me the TRUTH...and if I ask for bread will he give me a stone??

So, here goes.....

There’s a statement going around in my current circle of influence about the sovereignty of God that starts out “God allows things he could prevent in order to…” I forget how it ends…something like; in order to bring us to him, or bring us to the end of ourselves, or to make us fit for heaven, or some such thing. Forgive me for misquoting. I’m not here to say whether I embrace that statement or not. I can’t even quote it.

Whether or not God “allows things he could prevent in order to…”, a question rumbling around in my brain is this. Do we (Christians) allow things WE could prevent, by remaining unaware of our rights of citizenship in the kingdom of God.

Kerry was recently rear ended in a multi-vehicle accident in Calgary. He remains unharmed…however the rear bumper of the car is in pretty bad shape. Enter, the insurance company. An adjuster called and recommended an approved repair shop to have it fixed. The repair shop recommended an approved rental car company to rent a car (on the insurance company) to commute while our car is repaired. So far so good. The rental company asks if we have collision coverage on our car, we say no we don’t, he says you can’t rent our car unless you put collision coverage on it, for a meager fee of $15 per day. Kerry goes “fair enough, I understand the need for coverage, I need the car”. Several days go by before Kerry mentions it to dear wifey. Dear wifey works in an insurance brokerage office. Alarm bells go off. Wifey goes to boss and asks why we have to pay $15 for collision coverage… do we not have a ‘loss of use clause’ to cover expenses such as these. Boss says “yes you have coverage. Call the rental company and tell them you are covered…you shouldn’t have to pay.” Wifey calls Kerry, Kerry calls rental company, …rental company drops the fee.

The point is, Kerry allowed himself to be billed $15/day because he was unaware of his rights, of his coverage, as an insured client of Wawanesa.

We are citizens of the Kingdom of God, we are children of God, we are heirs, we are priests, we are ambassadors. We have rights. We do not demand these rights of God, or of people, we demand them of the patterns of this world. We have authority, not over people, not over God, but over spiritual forces, rulers, powers of this dark world. We have been equipped to “stand our ground.” I believe WE allow things, bad things, into our lives and the lives of our loved ones, because WE are not aware of our rights, of our authority, of our power.

If all that is true of Christ is true of us (and we say we agree with this statement), and Christ has authority, then I have authority – in Christ. If he is powerful, then I am powerful – in Christ. “When Jesus had called the Twelve (disciples) together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.” Later he sent the 72 “who returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”” Later he said “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And THESE SIGNS WILL accompany those who believe; In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

Did you ever notice that Jesus rebuked a fever. Did you know that a fever (at least this fever) is an “entity” of some sort that responds to the rebuke of Jesus? Weird, huh? Did you ever think to rebuke a fever?? It sounds crazy…but… Whatif I’m ALLOWING a fever (or whatever else) I could prevent, by simply rebuking it in the authority vested in me by Jesus Christ??

Notice the phrase “vested in me”. I hear that phrase at weddings. If I were to walk up to a young couple who were madly in love and “pronounce them man and wife”, would that make them married?? No. If my pastor, operating through the proper channels said those same words, would that make them married? Yes, it would. Why?? Because he has the authority to “pronounce them man and wife”. And there is quite a lot of legal procedure to go through to “un-pronounce” them.

A police man has authority, a life guard has authority, a parent has authority, each in their own jurisdiction. They know what they have authority over and what they do not.

Authority is often tested by those who wish to rebel against it. My junior high alumni has the proud distinction of being able to “crack” not one, but two junior high teachers. These teachers had authority over behavior in the class room. They say sit down…you’re meant to sit down. They say be quiet, you’re meant to be quiet. If you do not, then there are consequences. If there is not compliance to the discipline, then a higher authority is called in to apply further, more severe consequences. That’s how it’s meant to work. If, however, the teacher is not convinced of her authority, or properly trained in the use of her authority, or tries to exert authority outside of the boundaries of her authority, things start to fall apart. There are very few junior high students who will simply comply to authority without first testing the boundaries of it. It did not take long for any one of us to know who you could push around and who you could not. Those who would not be pushed, convinced us very early of their authority, and taught in relative peace and order their entire junior high career. Those whom we could push, we pushed until they fled the room in tears and eventually quit their jobs. No mercy. Both types of teachers had equal authority. One exercised it, on did not.

We have been seated with Christ in the heavenly realms, far above all power, rule and authority. We have been given fullness in Christ. What is true of Christ is true of us. Will we be tested in that authority?? You bet. Will our rights as citizens be undermined if we remain aware of them?? Absolutely.

I am only just beginning to understand what I have authority over. I am just beginning to exercise my authority over some things. Colds, for example seem to knock on the door, like a bad sales-man. I have only recently learned that I can say, no thank you, I’m not interested. Some sales-men/colds are very pushy, and I have to get quite insist that they are not welcome here. As with all sales-men, once they have entered the home, they are significantly harder to get rid of, so the key for me seems to be early detection and a firm no thank you. (not that you have to be polite to a cold…but hey, you get the drift…)

I have still more to say…but ….stay tuned.

what's the big deal??

2006-05-11T20:59:00.000-06:00

Why do we go to such great lengths to teach people that they are FREE from sin? That they are no longer bound, tied up, or being controlled by sin? That they have the power to change, to take control, to be the person they wish they were? What’s the big deal??

Why do we care about sin?? I’ve been thinking about this. I keep hearing that we are saved by grace. That Jesus died for our sins, for my sins. He forgave my sin. Not just some, but all my sin; past, present, and future. It’s handled, it’s taken care of. No condemnation. Eternal security in heaven. Once I’ve accepted Christ as my Savior, even my future sins won’t keep me out of heaven. So what’s the big deal…? Why do we care? It’s irrelevant now, is it not?? Sin as much as you want, it doesn’t matter, …does it??

If I’d leave the question at that and post it, I’d have lots of people thinking lots of different things (provided “lots” of people are even reading this thing). Some would be appalled by the question. Some would go “Yeah, what IS the big deal??” Some would ask the question of themselves for the very first time.

Most likely, the people in the crowd I hang out with would say something along this line… “It’s not so much that we care about sin, as that we care about people. We care about sin because it hurts people. It hurts us, it hurts others. It’s not that it’s an eternal problem, ‘cause the eternal has been taken care of. It’s not a guilt thing, ‘cause the guilt has been taken care of. The penalty’s been paid. But the pain caused in the here and now is the thing that we care about.” At least that’s why I care if I really think about it. I, for one, am very seldom a hundred percent consistent on what I think about anything. Often, the issue gets confused by my lack of clear understanding. Sometimes I’m not sure that the penalty really has been paid (although lately, I’m pretty convinced that it has been). Sometimes I’m more worried about my reputation, than your pain. Sometimes I fall into a rut of legalistic thinking. Sometimes I deny that I’m really hurting anybody. Sometimes I think about representing Christ, about being an ambassador and other noble things, but sometimes, I care because I know that sin hurts us. It traps us, it starts to control us, it changes our life.

Sometimes I believe this, …so…, I want to learn about freedom, I want to learn about victory, about righteousness in Christ. I want to learn about the power to change. Once I learn it, I want to teach others, so that they can be free and live the life we were meant to live, the life of Christ. The amazing, powerful, loving, joyful, forgiving, generous, honest, peaceful, holy, life of Christ.

So here’s where it gets interesting. I’ve said before that much of my thinking of late relates to the whole concept of physical healing.

There are people who don’t think that physical healing is very important, at least not spiritually important. After all, when they get to heaven they will have a perfect body. The Bible says so. The thinking seems to be that the here and now is irrelevant, we’ll put up with it, so long as the eternal is taken care of, we can wait. Much like the statement in the second paragraph…as long as the eternal has been handled, who cares about the here and now?? God cares. I care. The here and now is extremely relevant to God…the freedom from sin, the freedom from guilt, the freedom to live well. If the here and now is irrelevant then lets “eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.” Jesus died for the “here and now” as well as the “sweet by and by” and part of what he “Finished” on the cross was physical healing.

It is true of sickness and disease that in the end, in heaven, my body will be perfect. Just like my sins are all forgiven…my body will be perfectly healed, up in heaven. But what about the here and now? We say the “big deal” about sin is the pain it causes here and now…that’s the deal. My question is, does sickness, does disease cause pain in the here and now?? Of course it does. It causes pain to me, to those who love me, to those who depend on me…often to the community as a whole. Sickness doesn’t just hurt me, it hurts those around me. Even a “small” affliction can often affect a large number of people. Often it’s not just a “small” affliction, but a major, life changing, emotional roller-coaster bringing, night-mare type affliction that causes all kinds of pain. . Knowing, that in the end, in heaven, my body will be perfect is small comfort for the pain and suffering in the here and now.

But we don’t seem to care about this. We just accept it. “It’s part of life” we say. We don’t think it’s a “big deal” in our Christian life, not that it’s not a “big deal” emotionally or physically – it is, but spiritually it’s just one of those things we have to “deal with”. There’s nothing we can DO about it anyway. Just try to keep a positive attitude. It’s not something we try to learn about spiritually. In the matters of physical health, the vast majority of us (Christians) are no different than the rest of the world. Take the pills, go to the doctor, change the diet, read a self help book, try to get by. “Pie in the sky by and by” has to be good enough for us in matters of physical health because we don’t deeply believe there is “steak on my plate while I wait” in matters of physical healing. Oh sure, we’ll throw a prayer God’s way when something comes up, but it’s usually not a prayer of faith. It’s a “cover all the bases” kind of prayer. “Oh sure, God CAN heal me, but I doubt that he WILL.” (It’s always the WILL (the heart, the character, the name) of God, not the POWER of God, that we doubt, if we’re willing to admit it.) Really what we’re saying is “I doubt that he cares…after all, it’s just my BODY, it’s not my soul. Jesus only REALLY cares about my soul. It’s just the here and now, and it doesn’t really matter, ‘cause in the end, up in heaven, my body will be perfect.”

I hear comments like “we live in a fallen world.” It’s true. I live in a fallen world. But I’ve “been rescued out of the dominion of darkness and brought into the Kingdom of God’s son, whom he loves.” I do not have to live in the pattern of this world any longer, I can choose and learn to live in the Kingdom of Heaven. I can be transformed by the renewing of my mind, by thinking differently. Try using the fallen world phrase to explain why you “fell” into temptation. It doesn’t hold up. God has given us everything we need for life and godliness. We are without excuse. The thing is…the “everything we need” is “through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” It requires that we know him.

I hear “God is trying to teach me something. He’s using this illness, affliction, set-back, whatever to teach me something.” Does this statement imply that God GAVE you this illness? That it is God’s WILL that you are sick? If it is God’s WILL, why fight it? Why take pills, why go to the doctor? Are we working against God’s will by fighting it? Think about it. I find it interesting that in the only place in the Universe where God’s WILL is ALWAYS done, there is no illness. We are meant to ask that God’s will be done ON EARTH as it is in heaven. What all does that include?? He graciously works all things (even bad things) together for good to those that love him, but that does not mean he sends the bad things. His will is good and pleasing and perfect, and, according to heaven, it is without sin, and without sickness. It is not his will that I be tempted…, but through temptation I CAN learn about the power of God to overcome. Does that mean he sends temptation?? Ask James about that one. God tempts no one.

I believe that sickness is just like sin. It comes to destroy us. When Jesus died he died for our freedom; …..from sin….and from sickness. When he rose again, he conquered sin and death. When he saved me, he SOZOed me; saved, rescued, delivered, HEALED, made to do well, prospered, all those good things. This does not mean that he took me out of this world. It does not mean that I will never ever be faced with sin again, that I will never ever be tempted to sin, or that I will never ever “fall”. It means he has equipped me to live above it, to live victorious, to live free. It means I don’t HAVE to live in sin. We are “in the world”, but we are not “of it”. Same with sickness. He has not removed me from every encounter I’ll ever have with germs or infection, injury or disease, but he has equipped me…through my knowledge of him who called me…to not “fall into it”, to not just accept it as inevitable. He has given me authority over things that I don’t even believe exist. He has seated me with Christ in the heavenly realms FAR above all rule and authority, principalities and powers. He has given the church the gift of healers, of spiritual discerners, of workers of miracles, of teachers. He has given us instructions on what to do if anyone is sick, (read James.) Psalm 103 says he forgave all our sins AND healed all our diseases. Jesus healed all who came to him. Was he just showing off to prove his identity, or did he actually care about peoples pain, about their bondage, did he actually care about the here and now?

I have more to say…but I’ll stop here. Thanks for reading. Please remember that these are MY thoughts. They may or may not be true. Jesus is the TRUTH, the Spirit is the Spirit of TRUTH. Ask them. I’m in process…I change, my thoughts have holes in them. Jesus never changes. He is the same today as he was 2000 years ago. Would you have stood in line in a large pressing crowd for the healing touch of Jesus?? Or would you have gone the self-help route?

Easy??

2006-04-13T09:00:00.001-06:00

Whatif someone told you that it is as easy to get healed (by Jesus) as it is to get saved (by Jesus)? Would you buy it?

I’d like to just leave that question out there and see what you say, but, I haven’t had many people commenting on my site. I have a surprising number of people say they’re reading it, but not that many that comment, so I’d hang it out there, but….

Whatif someone told you that it is as easy to have the ‘yoke is easy, burden is light’ as it is to get saved? Would you buy that?

Whatif someone told you that it is as easy to have ‘victory over sin’ as it is to get saved?

Whatif someone told you that ALL your sins were forgiven, past, present, and future??

Whatif someone told you GOD is FOR REAL??

Whatif someone said that I should “forget not all His benefits, who forgave ALL my sins, who healed ALL my diseases, who redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with love and compassion?” Did he know what he was talking about? Can you put all those things in the same sentence, in the same context, no ands, ifs, or buts?

Whatif someone said “by his stripes we are healed?” Would I believe him?

Whatif I believed that the same as I believe my sins are forgiven, the same as I believe in everlasting life? What would happen?

Question is: Is it easy to get “saved’ by Jesus? The answer is obvious. Of course, it’s easy…just believe! But for me….’just believing’ is not at all easy. There is this enormous battlefield in my mind that kicks into high gear absolutely every time what is TRUE encroaches on my sense of reality. It kicks into gear every time a niggly little doubt about the TRUTH steps onto the field. Do we remember that battle of Faith that took place before we accepted the free gift of salvation?? Do we remember the battle that took place before we accepted the ‘saved by grace’, the ‘yoke is easy’, the ‘are you there God, are you for real’? Do we remember how people who ‘got it’ tried to explain and explain and explain and finally it was like a light bulb went off in the deepest recesses of the heart and it was suddenly all so clear? How after that the TRUTH was everywhere in the Bible, we wondered if it had been rewritten? How could we possibly have missed this?? Do we remember this??

Whatif healing is just like that? Whatif it’s just another facet of the so-many-sided, beautiful diamond that is our God, His Son, and His Spirit. Just as real, just as beautiful, just as powerful, just as easy?

An update...

2006-04-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

I’m sure that all my faithful blog readers will be happy to know that I did find myself something suitable for a mother of the grad. I found it at Old Navy. Generally I'm not a fan of Old Navy, but hey, they bailed me out this time. And shoes at Payless. Sad to say that, even at "bargain" stores, I spent more on MY outfit than my graduate did on hers. Although, she is getting her hair done...maybe it'll come out even..., and, I'll wear mine again and again (probably at every formal event for the next ten years or so).

Also you'll be glad to know that I dropped my tax info stuff at the accountant on Tuesday, a full twenty days BEFORE the deadline!

Also, Fake and Bake is starting to pay off. I'm starting to get a bit brown, not like "Oh my gosh, have you been to Mexico???" brown, but not pasty white either. And the heat is a good thing too.

Just thought you'd like to know.

an Easter re-write

2006-04-10T14:19:00.000-06:00

ISAIAH 53

1Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would have thought GOD's saving power would look like this?

The servant grew up before God--a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field (she wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger). There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. 3He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. (For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God,… Hebrews 2:17). One look at him and people turned away.

We looked down on him, thought he was scum. (Some said, “He is a good man.” But others replied, “No, he deceives the people.” John 7:12) 4But the fact is, it was our pains he carried-- our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us (Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows) (“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death). We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. (He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. 1Peter 2.22) 5But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him--our sins! (He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, 1Peter2.24) He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed. (Many followed him, and he healed all their sick…Matt.12.15), (Great crowds came to him, bringing the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute and many others, and laid them at his feet; and he healed them. The people were amazed…Matt.15.30) (When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick. This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah…. Matthew 8:17) ,(…by his wounds you have been healed 1Peter2.34)

6We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost. (When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matthew 9:36) We've all done our own thing, gone our own way. And GOD has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him. (God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God 2Cor.5.21) 7He was beaten, (They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again,) he was tortured (he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.) but he didn't say a word. Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in silence. (When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.1Peter2.23) 8Justice miscarried, (Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.) and he was led off-- and did anyone really know what was happening? He died without a thought for his own welfare, (…he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death--and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion Phil 2.10 .) beaten bloody for the sins of my people.

9They buried him with the wicked, threw him in a grave with a rich man, even though he'd never hurt a soul (a bruised reed he will not break, a smoldering wick he will not snuff out… Matt.12.20) or said one word that wasn't true.

10Still, it's what GOD had in mind all along, to crush him with pain. The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he'd see life come from it--life, life, and more life (I have come that you might have life, and have it abundantly! John 10.10). And GOD's plan will deeply prosper through him (For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John3.16). 11Out of that terrible travail of soul, he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it. (Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12.2). Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many "righteous ones," (For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Romans 8:29) as he himself carries the burden of their sins. 12Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly-- the best of everything, the highest honors— (Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father Phil2.9-11) Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch, because he embraced the company of the lowest. (…a friend of tax collectors and "sinners." Matt.11.19) He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many, (For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God 1Peter3.18.) he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

find rest, my soul

2006-03-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

I've been spending so much of my me time reading other peoples blogs that I have not been taking time to write in my own. One thing I've been noticing of late is that on a whole lot of blogs I've been reading there have been questions and comments and thoughts relating to GRACE. About four times today I wanted to comment on someone's blog and say "I just read something about that in this amazing book I'm reading!" I just want to shout it out to the world that "Grace: the Power to Change" by James B Richards is the most amazing book!! Nearly every book, on the back credits, says "it's a must read"...but this one I actually agree with. I whole heartedly recommend it to everyone. There...that's done now.

Another thing I'm learning is that I don't rest very well. I am easily bored. Not that I don't physically rest well, I can be a couch potato along with the best of them, I can lay for hours out in the sun, I can procrastinate my work exceptionally well (in fact, that's what I'm doing right now!) Also, I think I rest OK in the spiritual sense. I truly believe that Jesus yoke is easy and his burden light. I'm pretty quick to recognize that anything that feels heavy is not from Jesus and I might as well drop it. But I don't rest very well in my mind. I say that I think about things all the time, but I'm not a thinker like some thinkers that can't turn it off at night, that can't sleep for days thinking about random things that don't mean anything. I don't feel like I obsess about stuff. If it feels like something that I NEED to know in order to take the next step, or to be fully functional, or to properly explain my position on a certain subject, or to help someone else who is struggling with a not-so-light burden, then I think and I study and I talk and now lately, I write. My learning style seems to be that I learn best by talking things through. I talk until I'm painted into a corner, or can't explain something clearly enough and then I know it's time to do some more thinking.

Some of you who know me know that I've been on somewhat of a quest to learn about physical healing. What I've been learning is fascinating to me, in that the principals of healing are the exact same principals of all the other principals of salvation, righteousness, freedom, grace, deliverance, provision and everything else that Jesus Christ accomplished on the cross. His work is a finished work, it accomplished everything He set out to do. It is past tense. It becomes present tense when I believe that it is past tense. There is NO aspect of my life that this finished work of Christ will not affect, if I believe. All of my posts thus far are coming from this angle of pursuit.

This subject puts up red flags in many people's minds...including mine. There are many, many people who just spout off things they've heard quoted, many "formula's for success", many "friends of Job" who do not speak accurately on behalf of God. There are also many genuine people who are just simply misunderstood because people don't take the time to get to know the heart and the depth of where their faith is, and who their faith is in. They want an easy answer to the enormous complexity that is faith, that is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.

Anyway, I can get into quite a knot about these things at times. I find that there are way toomanywhatifs, way toomanyquestions, way toomanyfears.

On such occasions a Psalm of David sings along in my mind. It goes like this. "My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." He's saying to me "Just relax, don't sweat it...you've learned enough for now, take a break!" But my heart is proud. I want to know! I resist the rest... Like a child who fights sleep and is rocked firmly and gently, eventually into the bliss of slumber.... but I don't like it... "find rest, my soul, in God alone...."

more UV's

2006-03-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

I went to a tanning salon yesterday for the first time in my life. Possibly seven of the wierdest minutes of my life. Good though. I'll be back. Apparently 7 minutes of UV is not enough to restore my sanity. How long till the sun shines again??

PS to my Calgary friends...I know, I know....it's been sunny for days over there...probably have tulips coming up and everything. I don't want to hear it.

blessed UV rays!

2006-03-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

Can I say that I've had it up to here with clouds and fog and snow and cold wind and brown trees and no tulips and slushy roads? The answer to that question should be a resounding YES, you can say that. You can say anything you want. Can YOU say, "Oh now, whatif girl...it's a small price to pay for the beautiful winter we've had."? Absolutely not. I've also had it up to here with people telling me not to gripe about the weather. "Oh the farmers will be loving it." Balony....we could get an inch and a half of RAIN over two days AFTER the ground is thawed and everybody'd be happy.

I NEED UV rays!!! We ran out of firewood last week (except for a few armfulls, which I, in my bizarre personal pshychy, can't use, because I need to save it for a "rainy day"--which we have not had....cloudy, snowy, foggy, humid, cold, Yes, but not "rainy"), so not only am I deprived of my precious UV, but also of my "radiant heat" therapy from a fire, which I've discovered is necessary for my sanity. (Possibly the longest sentence ever recorded by me, without any "......'s" , a new personal best, as it were!) (Dohh, there are "....'s" in that sentence!) (Sigh...) Can you just see the sanity slipping???

...always thinking???

2006-03-16T20:15:00.001-07:00

My goodness it's been a long time since I sat down and wrote anything. Except for the other day when I wrote a bunch of stuff and then accidentally deleted the whole thing.

Apparently the part in my profile about me always thinking is not really true.... Well ya, actually it is...but I'm not always thinking in a straight line. I think about too many things at once and then get my thoughts all balled up. Or I have background thoughts that are hopelessly drowned out by the moment by moment stuff going on around me.

It seems like I've been chaotically busy, but only busy by my standards. I still have time for American Idol & Survivor & Jeopardy. Truly busy people don't have time for TV. Sometimes me being "too busy" means that I have something looming over my head that I don't want to do. ie. tax preparation. Every day the clock ticks louder. I finally got one of those collapsible file folders so I can empty out the '05 stuff in the file cabinet to make room for the '06 stuff. I liked it better before I had the folder thingy, 'cause then I had an excuse...now I don't, except that I'm "too busy". Seriously...I have no excuse for not doing that job right now....except that another "me being too busy" has to do with me not having enough alone time, and when I get alone time, I'm sure as heck not gonna spend it doing taxes!! Or filing, or making back-ups, or general tidying of the office... No, no...I'm gonna spend it blogging in front of a computer by candle-light (sort-of... if you don't count the light from the computer screen). Some people soak in the tub...., I blog. What can I say?

My erroneously (big word, I know...) deleted post wasn't about anything important. It was about shopping, which I did on Sunday. I went to a wedding on Saturday night and saw a whole bunch of people I hadn't seen in six or seven years. It was great to see them again. The not so great thing was that (because I nearly never get dressed up ...weddings and funerals are about it) I'm sure I was wearing the same heels and little (well, not so little) black dress I was wearing the last time I saw them. The only difference being the extra 30 pounds I had to squeeze into that "little" black dress, and the addition of a "shrug" which I borrowed from my daughter, instead of the "bolero" I've had for at least 10 years. Anyway...I am determined that I will not wear those shoes or that dress to another formal occasion. Thus, the shopping trip, which was hopeless unsuccessful for me, but wonderful for my girls. Better luck next time, I hope. My deleted post was quite a bit longer and a lot more rantish, but I think a person can only really rant once. Any attempt to re-rant feels a lot like lukewarm leftovers.

My Dad has been here a bit the last little while working on my kitchen cabinets. We renovated (added on to) our house two years ago and got another 40sq ft. in the kitchen. It soon became very apparent that we could not afford to completely redo all the kitchen cabinets, so my dad graciously offered to construct the additional new cabinets to match the original '50's style cabinets we already had. Anyway, he's been here a few times this month to work on them and got them done. He built me a solid pine counter top to finish it off and it looks great! So now I've added sanding, staining, and varnishing to my daily routine. One more bout with the sandpaper and another coat of varnish should finish it off. Then I need to prime and paint the framework and the doors. Painting is such a pain, it's one of those projects that looms. If I knew how to make "looms" look scary on paper, with spooky music and dark lighting, I would, or a vibrato in my voice and spooky hand gestures would work too. It's one of those things that I'm "too busy" to do. I'm glad to be able to spend some time with my Dad...I don't do near enough of that.

I sat down and asked him some pointed questions about his life history the other day, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. I found out that he had originally wanted to be a doctor. I had no idea! He got a temporary teaching certificate (which was surprisingly easy to do back then…just a summer course) so he could earn some money to go to University to become a doctor. He discovered that year that he really, really liked teaching… He’s been a teacher (or a pastor) pretty much ever since. I also found out that he and my mom moved about twenty times before they moved here, and he was my age when he moved here. Sometimes they only stayed in a place for 3 months before they were on the move again. Twice they “lived” at a summer camp that my dad would direct in between moves. One time I actually remember. It was the summer before we moved here. I was 10. I’ve moved twice since I’ve been married. From the farm into town, then back to the farm. I can’t even fathom moving 20 times in the same span. Actually it was 20 times in 13 years, or thereabouts, cause dad got married when he was 27 and settled here when he was 39 or 40.

I was thinking “Yikes mom, how did you cope???” and she got this wistful look in her eyes and said “It was exciting! You never knew where you’d end up next!” They never went anywhere exotic though, except for Saskatchewan…who wouldn’t want to live there??

I went to a grad parents meeting. Hopelessly boring…a nice little letter sent home with my kid would have done a much nicer job, but hey…I have nothing else to do, right?? It was so embarrassing. Hubby and I were upstairs watching the news. The graduate was off at work. The youngest was meant to be babysitting, but the guy never came to pick her up. I wasn’t really paying attention when she grabbed the phone and a nights worth of snacks and headed downstairs to her room. As time went by my front brain forgot that she hadn’t left…that Hubby and I were not alone. When it was time to leave for the meeting we just got up off the couch and left. We never called out good-bye, or for that matter even told her where we were going…(she wasn’t meant to be home, you know). About a half an hour into the most boring meeting, the cell phone is ringing. It’s our kid. I excuse myself and wind my way through the crowded class room (of course we were in the farthest back corner) to find my youngest on the phone. “Where the heck are you?? “ is the question posed to me from the other end of the phone. Immediate shame…, “Uhhh…ummm…we’re at a grad meeting…..!? Uhhh, sorry….are you OK??” “Yeah, I just came upstairs to see if I could get a ride into town to see my friends and there was no one here…” “Uhhh…, ya…., sorry” “Well, if I can get a ride into town, can I go???” “Uhhh…, ya…, just make sure you leave a note…so we know where you are” Laughter on the other end…, “Ahhh, the irony”, she says. I just shake my head….what can you say??

apparently...

2006-03-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

I did it again....I deleted my whole long post with one wrong stroke of a key. I should know better by now....
I'm tired...I'm going to bed.

out with the old, in with the new

2006-03-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

Just a random thought...

I think we still tend to live under old covenant rules..don't touch, don't eat, don't associate... The old covenant stuff taught that if I touched something dirty I became dirty. I'd have to cermonially become clean before I could come into the presence of God. Jesus continually flew in the face of that, he continually touched things that were "unclean" and made them "clean". Any Jew knew that if you touched a leper you'd be "unclean" yourself, you'd have to go through all this hassle and stuff to become clean again. Jesus knew that if he touched the leper, the opposite would happen. Jesus would not become unclean...the leper would become clean.

I think (because we don't fully understand our identity in Christ or don't fully believe it) we still sort of (on some level) think that "unclean" people will make us dirty. I wonder if that's why we're so quick to judge...cause if I associate with someone "unclean", I'll become unclean? Or if Jesus associates with the "unclean" he'll become unclean, or if the church associates with the "unclean" it will become unclean?? We have to protect our reputations, the reputation of the church, the reputation of Jesus himself, after all. We wouldn't want it said of us that we "eat with tax collectors and sinners!" What if someone actually mistook us for a "drunkard and a glutton". What if someone thought I was "unclean" based on the crowd I hung out with, the clothes I wear, the food I eat? The world couldn't go on!!

When Jesus wrote the new covenant it was in with the new, out with the old. Out with cerimonial "cleanliness" and in with the touch, the life, the Spirit of Jesus. Out with ritual, in with relationships. Out with dirty, in with clean. Out with man looking at the outward appearance, and in with God looking at the heart! Out with guilty by association and in with "Go into all the world!!"

If we believed that we have the life of Christ in us and that what we "touch" becomes clean we'd "touch" as many people as possible. Christ in me brings LIFE to all that I/he comes into contact with....

We're not under old covenant anymore...but we still hang on to it sometimes, to our loss, and the world's.

more thinking...

2006-02-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

It would probably help to read the comments on the previous post before you read this.

It is God's will that no one should perish, but all should come to eternal life through Jesus. Does that mean that none will perish? Is God's will overruled by man's will? I have toomanyquestions regarding this. If I go with an "if this, then that" line of thinking and say that God's will can be overruled by my will or unbelief (or wrong belief)... ie. If I believe that I will get to heaven by praying to a banana three times a day and do this faithfully every day, I will be sorely disappointed. I will not be saved, even though it is God's will that I should be saved. ...then why would that truth not apply to all the other aspects of God's will/character. God also promises to expose all people to himself, so they have the opportunity to choose. Is this true only of salvation, or is it true of all other aspects as well? If faith for salvation comes by hearing the TRUTH, and faith for righteousness comes by hearing the TRUTH, then what of all the other "riches of our inheritance". Is there more TRUTH to be revealed with regard to these other aspects? I find it interesting that we use the word "demand". I do not "demand" my salvation. I recieve it, as a gift freely offered, but needing to be received (like a registered letter you have to sign for). I do not "demand" my righteousness. I receive it. I think the thought of "demanding" proves a lack of understanding.

I know that the TRUTH about all this can only come by revelation, so I'm praying for the Spirit of wisdom and revelation that I may KNOW HIM BETTER. It does come down to knowing him, his heart, his character, his will. In the mean time I sure have a lot of questions.

some questions I've been batting around...

2006-02-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

What do you think of this statement made regarding the names of God? "The names of God are reflections of his character." True, yes? Saviour, Protector, Provider, Redeemer, Sanctifier, Lover, Creator, Healer, Teacher, Warrior... (feel free to add other names to the list). Now what do you think of the continuation of this statement? "...and, if the name is a reflection of his character, then it is also a reflection of his will." Equally true?

Another statement..."Faith is simply a response to the character of God, to the heart of God, to the will of God."

It is by grace (the ability, the work, the power of God on my behalf) you have been SOZOed (saved, redeemed, rescued, healed, made to do well, etc...) through faith (responding to the character, the heart, and the will of God.)

Do you think that there are aspects of our lives in which we question the "will" of God in a situation (we pray with confusion, always adding "if it be your will" to our prayers), when in reality, based on the name of God we could have absolute assurance of knowing his will? Does his will vary and change based on the individual and the circumstance, or is it constant and solid, based on his name and his character?

learners and hypocrites

2006-02-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

--a comment I heard recently about a church..."just a bunch of hypocrites doing what hypocrites do..." spoken by a guy who goes faithfully every Sunday to a church he clearly doesn't love, but brought a friend to because...well... Why?? ...because that's what you do?? So then, ... are you a hypocrite too? Or, in making that comment, are you saying you’re not a hypocrite? Why bring someone along to play a game you don't believe in and don't enjoy?

It makes me ask so many questions. Like, exactly what is a hypocrite? How do we decide who is, and who is not a hypocrite? Clearly this man thought everyone in the church was a hypocrite. But was he right?

Dictionary.com defines it this way: one who puts on a mask and feigns himself to be what he is not; to play a part, pretend n : a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he does not hold

Truth be told, aren’t we all hypocrites? Christians and non-Christians alike? Don’t we all put on masks, pretend, play the part to some degree? I believe there has only ever been one who was not a hypocrite, who was true in everything he did.

Another question. When is a hypocrite acting like a hypocrite? Am I acting like a hypocrite when I say “I am a child of God,” or, when I am verbally lacerating someone behind their back, or, both? Can a teen-age girl (or a new believer, or, an old believer) say “I’m a born again Christian” and “I’m sleeping with my boyfriend”?

Another question. Is there an allowance for a learning curve in the word hypocrite? Is there grace in that word? It’s all so confusing to me. Can I change my name to toomanyquestions??

the greek word for saved is "sozo", or so I've been told

2006-02-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

It is by the ability, the power, and the work of God that I have been saved, delivered, protected, healed, preserved, made to do well, made whole, kept safe, and rescued from destruction, through believing the truth about Jesus Christ—this is not done by me, it is a gift from God –not earned, not deserved, not even worked towards, so that I cannot boast about anything except Christ.

It is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God —not by works, so that no one can boast.

2006-02-03T09:22:00.000-07:00

so much to write...so little time....sigh....

Drivers wanted?

2006-01-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

“you have been given everything you need for life and godliness through your knowledge of Him who called you…”

I think of it like this. There are “people who drive”, and there are “drivers”.

“People who drive” are only interested in performance when the car doesn’t start in the morning, or quits on the road, or starts making some awful clunking noise, or smokes an unreasonable amount. As long as the car gets them from point “a” to point “b” all is well. Some of these people are more concerned than others with the level of comfort this car affords…smooth, quiet, air-conditioned. Others are more concerned with the level of “flash”, cool paint, cool tires, cool lights, cool sound. Some people want their cars squeaky clean inside and out, others are content to drive in a veritable pig sty. Regardless of style, the main goal of driving for “people who drive” is to get from point “a” to point “b” in a safe and timely manner. Anything deemed to be “unsafe” or “untimely” is met with high levels of anxiety, dash clutching, stern words of caution. Often times “people who drive” don’t really care who’s doing the driving…as long as the goal is achieved.

“Drivers” are an entirely different breed. Performance is everything. Not performance of the car, but performance of the driver. Not that the vehicle necessarily needs to perform well, but that every last drop of the performance there is, is used to the ultimate of it’s potential. Comfort is irrelevant. “Flash” is irrelevant. The question is…can I take this vehicle to the absolute limits of its capabilities? Can I ever get to the point where I say “I need more car, the car is slowing me down, holding me back”, or can I squeeze more out of it? Getting from point “a” to point “b” is a chance to “make the most of every opportunity”, to hone the skills, to push the boundaries. No turn behind the wheel gets missed (unless there happens to be a “person who drives” in the seat beside him and he happens to notice, and care about, the signs of increased anxiety). “Drivers” study better drivers in an effort to learn to push the boundaries more effectively. Occasionally opportunities to “drive” are created even if there is no point ‘b’. A “Driver” is rarely OK with someone else behind the wheel.

For “drivers” the word safe has an entirely different meaning. Safe means not exceeding the boundaries of what the car will do. A “person who drives” has entirely no clue what the boundaries of the car are (nor do they care to know) and very often exceeds or very nearly exceeds the boundaries, with absolutely no awareness of their own peril. “Drivers” know the risks, and are willing to take them. Timely means, as fast as humanly possible.

The interesting thing is that a “person who drives” and a “driver” can drive the same car, to the same destination, and have an entirely different experience along the way. One will be content, the other will be exhilarated. Neither will fully understand the other. Both have achieved their goal.

Is the same true of the spiritual world?? For some the goal is “to lead a quiet and peaceful life”. For others the goal is to “eagerly desire the greater gifts”, to “make the most of every opportunity”, to “press on toward the goal”, to experience “life, and that more abundantly”, to be “full of the Spirit”. Are both equally satisfied??

We have been given everything we need for life and godliness… We have been given the very life of Christ.

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and we have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.

That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way…

…AND…

…God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms…

So, back to the cars. Every believer has been given the ultimate “indie” car. We’ve all been given “x” amount of laps to complete. Every car has the exact same potential. The question is, how will we drive?

figuring it out

2006-01-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

Kudos to anyone who tries to write anything of value.

Very, very occasionally I consider writing a book. Hopefully to help collect my thoughts abit...get them down in some systematic fashion...an "if this, then....what?" type of book. But, oh my gosh, writing is soooooo time consuming. I've never been a journaler because once I start I can't stop...I end up with writers cramp in my hand, I fill pages and pages. Blogging is a bit better...A) it's on a keyboard, ergo less writers cramp. B) it's a thousand times easier to edit. C) You can save it unfinished and (hopefully) find it later when you have more time, but, oh my gosh, writing is sooooo time consuming. (Did I already say that?)

I'm too chicken to post anything that I'm still processing through, that I still don't quite have a handle on, anything unfinished, but it would probably be good if I did. Better to get feedback while you're still thinking it through than after you think you have it all figured out. Sometimes though, feedback is too confusing. I've often told God that I wish I had someone to learn from, to watch, to help me understand. He always says "You do...you have me, my Spirit, to take from what is mine and give it to you, to remind you of these things, to teach and instruct and correct" and I always say, "but I want someone tangible" and He always says "the help of man is worthless. Trust me, ask me, wait for me, follow me..." and I sigh and say "OK......" The thing is, He says such different things than anyone I know....

I keep praying that he would give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation that I may know him better. That the eyes of my heart would be enlightened that I would know the hope to which he has called me, the glorious riches of his inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for when I believe.

a thief in the night...

2006-01-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

I glanced out the window this morning and in a instant...in less than a heartbeat...I said "really Jesus? Today??" My face smiled, my heart fluttered, my Spirit lifted, in a fraction of a second. What did I see out the window?? The light was funny in the clouds...I didn't even stop and stare, just kept on walking through the room. I was amazed at how quickly something so simple, so ordinary, could transform just about every aspect of my life. I hadn't been thinking about "the return of Christ", I'm certainly not here pining away, stoking off the days until he comes. Life is good! I'm not looking to get out of it. But clearly this expectation, this anticipation, this sense of "Whoohoo!! He's here!" is not buried very deep in the layers of my psychy...all it takes is an anusual looking cloud and the blink of an eye!

"like a thief in the night, like a runaway train,
like a first class, lightning fast hurricane,
I'll keep my ears to the ground
and my eyes to the sky...
I'm ready now
but somehow,
I know you'll take me by
surprise!"
(some song by some chick with a really cool voice and a pretty good band)

with regard to...

2006-01-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

With regard to “I believe we are awkward and bumbling and uninformed”, not to mention sinful, prideful, selfish, and inconsistant; I have this to say. Too often we look at things we do not understand, and are not familiar with, with skeptisism and suspision. We look also at the person who presents these things, with skeptisism and suspision, and without fail, find these people to be less than perfect, often far from perfect. We then determine in our minds that, since the messenger is faulty…so too, is the message. We feel justified in our skeptisism and suspision, we gloat in our ability to correctly discern.

But have we correctly discerned?? Have we truly “tested everything, thrown out the bad, and held on to the good?” Have we brought the message before the Spirit of Truth and asked him what he thinks? Or have we thrown out the good with the bad. Is it true that a less than perfect messenger is unable to deliver a good, sound and true message?? I truly hope not. I hope I don’t have to be perfect before I can share the truth about Jesus. If I say 90 things that are true and 10 things that are not true, does that make the 90 things any less true?? What if it’s more like 50-50? What if I’m sailing along, doing pretty good, and then trip over something unforeseen? Does that invalidate everything I’ve done up to this point? Where’s the grace in that?

I think Paul knew what he was talking about when he said “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us”. If you hold my life up to the light…guaranteed you’ll find a cracked pot, but inside…there’s a treasure. Throw me out (or anyone else for that matter) if you want….but don’t throw the treasure out along with me.

things I think about...things i'm passionate about

2006-01-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

There are things that I think about…that I’m passionate about, that I’m learning about, that I haven’t been writing about. As a result I feel like part of me is missing, like the real me is not really here. This harks back to a post I did in November called “belief and experience”, which was in response to a question I was asked about the charismatic gifts of the Spirit. I actually wrote it back then, but didn’t post it. I don’t really know why…well ya actually I do. I’ve written more stuff too, that I haven’t posted. I suppose that’s normal. Anyway, here’s a bit more of the real me. Ready or not….

“What I believe. I believe that the fully functioning BODY OF CHRIST will operate and be completely comfortable in all of the gifts of the Spirit, since all of the gifts are a reflection of Christ. I believe the gifts of the Spirit are just that...gifts... given by God, by grace, through faith, unearned, to people who may or may not know what to do with them, who may or may not abuse them. I believe they are all valuable, precious, and necessary. I believe we are awkward and bumbling and uninformed. I believe they were promised to his children a very long time ago.

I believe that a BODY OF CHRIST that does not operate and is not completely comfortable in all the gifts of the Spirit is missing something, no different than a physical body missing an eye or a leg or a half a lung. We can still move and breath and function and be happy, but there are some things that we are meant to be able to do that we simply can not do. We can still be Christ to people, but not the full revelation of Christ. We may have the truth, but not "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth". We may be of some help to some people, but not to the extent we could be.

I don't see OUR BODY as fully functioning. There are pieces missing. I love OUR BODY. It reflects the body of Christ much more accurately than other churches I've been involved with, but it is not complete. There is still much to learn. If TRUTH + FAITH = EXPERIENCE and we are not experiencing, then we need to learn the truth. Jesus is the truth, and the Spirit is the Spirit of truth and we need to learn of him. We also need faith, but faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God...so let’s hear it…let’s start asking questions.”

Don't you know??

2006-01-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

Don’t you know I’ve always loved you?..and I always will…(Third Day lyrics)

So…whatif I kind of feel lost. Whatif…I feel …just….lonely. What if I’m surrounded by people I love, people that love me…(I know they do…), value me, are kind to me, help me, but still feel lonely. Whatif…all of that, all of these, all of this…doesn’t satisfy me. Whatif… I could be in a room full of 50 of my favorite people, laughing and talking, drinking coffee and eating chocolate…and still feel all alone?? Whatif…I feel sort of detached, disengaged, separated from my true self…

Whatif…at the same time…all I want is to be ALONE, like, completely alone…not just off in another room, but…like off in Karin’s cabin for a night or two, by myself? No phone, no TV, no people. Just writing this is setting off panic alarms. Whatif…the people I love are reading this…and now they’re asking questions. “What’s wrong with the whatif girl?” “Is the cheese sliding off?” “Are the relationships bad?” "Is everything not OK?" “Should we be scared??” I hear the feelings getting hurt. I see sadness entering the room. I hear apologies, for what doesn’t need apologies. I see concerned looks. I hear whispering behind closed doors. How do you put up a “Closed All Day” sign on your life…and not hurt anyone’s feelings? Or (worse?) feel like you’re the most selfish person in the entire world.? All of this makes me want to cry, but I think I’ve forgotten how to cry….

Whatif…all of this doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else? Whatif..it's "all about me"?? Is this the fruit of the “tyranny of self??” Part of me says yes, but most of me is starting to say no. What I’m starting to think is that this is “soul hunger”. This is my Savior, the lover of my soul, saying to my Spirit, “we’re never alone anymore…I really, really miss you…come away with me, my love…to a garden..., with soft green grass, warm breezes, hot sun, beautiful shade. Listen to the River of Life…, dip your feet in. Lay in my arms, feel the Breath of Life in your hair,…sleep if you want to…for as long as you’d like. No pressure…no deadlines…no talking…, just listening to Love without words…

Whatif...it's all about Him???

2006-01-16T22:35:00.000-07:00

I've fallen into a trap. I've been putting all this pressure on myself that what I write in here should be interesting, well put together, funny, challenging, and enlightening... Also not too personal as far as relationships with family members. That's a big list of things. I can't measure up to all those things...especially the "interesting" part. Ergo....the blog silence...the incommunicado. It's not that I haven't been thinking, or even writing for that matter, but it's not coming together. There are truths i'm trying to grasp hold of for seemingly the hundredth time.

There's the tension between passion and apathy that apathy seems determined to win. Have you ever noticed how apathy just sucks the life right out of you...just drains you dry...till there's nothing left to give. Apathy seems to make "self" the centre. I don't care about anything or anyone because I have all I can do just meeting my own needs. Round and round and round we go, just feeding "self". Have you ever noticed that "self" is insatiable?? It's never happy...it always wants something more...more time, more money, more love, more appreciation, more attention, more pampering, more beauty, more sleep, more food....more, more, more...

Then there's the self condemnation, that says "why don't you care about anyone or anything??? why are you so selfish???" and then, quicker than I can think, says "well, it's not like you have anything to offer...what would you give anyone anyway??" and I go "yeah, I know, you're right....I've got nothing, I know nothing"

Then there's another voice that says "What about me???" I know this voice, it's the voice of Jesus, it's a very gentle voice, very affirming, very wonderful, "Don't you have me?? Haven't I always been here?? Am I 'nothing' ??? Didn't I say I'd be your life??? Didn't I say I'd love through you, speak through you, touch through you?? Have you forgotten about me?? Truth is, you have everything to offer a hurting and dying world. You have me." I love his voice. The other day he told me that I'd forgotten to let him live through me, that that's why i was so frustrated, why "self" and apathy were having their way with me, and I was like, "how could I forget this??? how could I forget you??' I don't know how a God so big, and so powerful can sit so quietly, waiting for my consent to act on my behalf, to intercede for me, so quietly that I forget he's there. But he does...he waits, and waits, and waits. Always the gentleman, never the bully, never the proud.. I love you, Jesus, thanks for waiting....

Please come...

2006-01-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

...because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit, and with deep conviction. 1Thes. 1:5

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses... Acts 1:8

it's been too long since we talked

2006-01-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hey,
How've you been?? I've been busy...

New years day, one of our little dogs showed signs of being in heat. As yet we do not have a male dog to breed them with, so our back up plan was to use the male pet belonging to a friend of a friend. I had called the family a few months ago and sort of arranged it. So new years day I called again, thinking in a day or two they should bring him by leave him for a week (apparently girl dogs "catch" on only one or two days of an 8-10 day cycle). They were uncomfortable with that, being that they'd never met us, and he's like one of their children to them, so they asked if they could come by the same day! So they did. We had invitations to two other new years day celebrations, but, also a substantial investment in these crazy little dogs, so we figured we'd better not miss this opportunity. The male came, sniffed everywhere, pee'd everywhere, then sniffed again, but that was about it. No matter, it was only the first day! Then they took him back home. Next day, both dogs were showing signs, so we called them back to ask if, now that they'd met us, they'd be willing to leave him for the week. No, but they'd leave him overnight. Fair enough. So they brought him by Monday, I brought him back Tuesday. They brought him by Wednesday, i brought him back Thursday. Thursday they said that was enough. He was their pet, and their baby, and we'd had him long enough. The male never showed any interest in the girls, except to sniff and pee, the entire time we had him, and the girls were still crazy in heat. A little frustrating... To top it off, I am pretty convinced due to evidence I don't care to disclose, that our own border collie did his thing with them on Friday!! Aaaagh!!!

Add to that that Canada's junior hockey team kicked butt and won gold in the world hockey tournament. The games were only showed on satelite (which we don't have), so my sister invited us for supper for the semi-final, and the gold medal game nights.

Add to that that my washing machine quit on Christmas eve and I had to do laundry at my mom's on Tuesday, and also spend a day in Calgary trying to discern which would be the best possible boxing week bargain on a new washer/dryer set.

Add to that, my co-worker was moving to a different house and didn't come in to work Thursday, so I worked an extra 2 hours to cover for her.

And then it was Sunday again! I swear, one day I'm gonna wake up and be 90 years old...the weeks are going by so fast that if I blink I miss them! It's a good kind of busy, I like everything I do, and everyone I do things with, but busy none the less. It certainly beats being bored.

You have to read the previous post first before this one.

2005-12-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

Now add this "comment" to the previous thoughts and see if they jive.

"I find if I want to experience the fuits of the Spirit thats I good sign that I want it for my self."

A true understanding of the fruit of, and the gifts of the Spirit, is never for self, but always for a wounded and hungry world.